25 and I'm sick of women

LegacyUser

I'm a 25 year old male and I've always tried my best with women, I grew up with my whole family drilling it into my head that I should always be chivalrous to women, that I should treat them politley and be respectful. I don't treat them like crap, I don't cheat on girls or hit them or do anything I can think of in negative way. I listen to them and I do my best to help them and be understanding and always try to see their side of it but I just can't take it anymore. I realised the other day that I've developed a serious problem with women, I think Irish women in particular. I can't for the life of me think of a single girl I've ever gone out with or know who I would consider to be a good partner. they've all had some kind of borderline psychotic eliment too their nature. be it unwarrented jealousy, trying to get me to do things I don't want to do (change my appearnace to suit their mates/family etc) or just plain psychotic.
and yet I'm always ditched for some asshole whos gonna treat them like crap and in several cases I've been dumped for guys who the girl has admitted shes not actually atracted too but who she stays with cos he treats her like crap and she thinks she can 'change' him, or exes who'll freak out if I talk to exes who are 5 years in the past but who'll ditch me to hang out with guys they where sleeping with a month before me.
I'm so sick of it and its seriously affecting me. I'm now unable to trust girls at all and if I meet a new girl and shes like 'here my phone number give me a shout' I wont cos I'm just like 'whats the point?'.
I hate that I've become this way but I cant think of a single girl I know whos not seriously headwrecking.

von Neumann

After reading your post one things come to mind

Can't live with them can't live without them .

Why are you taking it all so seriously, so you've been messed around.....not great but hardly the end of the world.
Just don't go round jumping in the deep end, you'll scare the sh*t out of people!

Go out get some action, be happy with said action.....If something comes of it great, if not Meh! no big deal!

Karen_*

Well I am absolutely lovely, sane, secure and not headwrecking at all.:D Just don't ask any of my exes because they are all liars:D

Seriously though OP I know its easy to get disillusioned but when you feel like that give women a break for a bit. You are NEVER going to meet someone perfect and without a flaw or an insecurity. The only secure people in the world post give advice to insecure girlfriends here on PI but they live in Denial which is far away.:p

My advice would be that although you have been messed around you need to let it go. Leave the baggage and the generalisations behind. Its tiring to meet Miss Wrong time and time again but you will eventually meet someone who ticks all the boxes. Take heart that although you might be dumped for some loser it almost never works out when someone treats someone else like shyte and then moves on to someone else. They always come a cropper.

You're sick of women. Stay away from them for the time being so.

Creamy Goodness

have you gone out with every single woman in ireland? if the answer is no then how can you say they are all psycho?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

von Neumann wrote: »

After reading your post one things come to mind

Can't live with them can't.... .
!

....shoot them in the head.:pac:

Seriously, perhaps you're getting in too quickly. You seem to think of a woman in terms of a relationship, rather than just a friend. Call her, go to the cinema, or a meal... as friends. See if things develop naturally, don't just assume that they will

LegacyUser

well I wouldnt say I automatically see women in terms of a relationship, infact a lot of my friends are women and my two house mates are. I also don't go out looking for a miss right I just go out and if I meet someone cool, but it tends to develope faster on their side and within a week its all 'I lovge you!' and stupid **** like that. ah I know not everyones insane but theres times when it seems like its impossible to find the one sane person in the sea of nut jobs ya know?

Bluefoam

Karen_* wrote: »

Seriously though OP I know its easy to get disillusioned but when you feel like that give women a break for a bit.

Try men for a while and see how you get on...

Karen_*

I appreciate the sentiment of the unasked for and irrelevant advice Bluefoam. I'll be sure to keep you in mind when I'm in turmoil and I need a nuggat of wisdom. What do you think the OP should do since it was him asking the question and not me?

Bluefoam

Karen_* wrote: »

I appreciate the sentiment of the unasked for and irrelevant advice Bluefoam. What do you think the OP should do since it was him asking the question and not me?

I think you are getting a bit carried away, the answer I gave was supplementary to your response and was aimed towards the OP - Not you.

My tongue in cheek response was intend to provoke a response & allow the OP to ask himself a couple of obvious questions. I'm not sure what the OP is actually asking here - does he want us to support his thoughts; does he want us to tell him he is right and become a hermit; does he want us to tell him he's a lovely guy and the right girl will come along? I don't think the OPs issue has an answer, but it is possible to talk a lot of ****e on the subject...

Sorry OP, I understand your problem, but just get on with it...

Karen_*

Sorry Bluefoam I completely misunderstood you there. Apologies! I must be a bit slow on the uptake today;)

Dimitri

Is it possible that your chivillary is being perceived as weakness? You say you always listen always treat with respect, but are you crossing the fine line between sensitivity and not stnding up for what you want? Its nice to have someone who is sensitive and in tune with your needs but equally its nice to know that you have someone who is strong and can depend on, it seems to me that many women confuse seeing strenght in a person who in reality is just a dick.

Jack B. Badd

sickofgirls wrote: »

I'm a 25 year old male and I've always tried my best with women, I grew up with my whole family drilling it into my head that I should always be chivalrous to women, that I should treat them politley and be respectful. I don't treat them like crap, I don't cheat on girls or hit them or do anything I can think of in negative way. I listen to them and I do my best to help them and be understanding

Why, thank you. I take it you also refrain from kicking puppies and drowning kittens? You're a "nice guy", right? And yet women keep leaving you for "not-so-nice guys"...
Heres the thing - the above paragraph makes me think that you really don't understand the opposite sex all that much. You think you're the sh*t because you don't batter women about and always hold the door for them but ultimately you're posts indicate that you're harbouring a misogynistic attitude that most women don't appreciate. I don't care if a guy claims to "treat me politely and be respectful" if it's obvious that he clearly thinks of me as an object/lower lifeform. I'd much prefer to be with the guy who treats me like a human being - whether or not he appears to be an asshole to the outside world.

sickofgirls wrote: »

well I wouldnt say I automatically see women in terms of a relationship, infact a lot of my friends are women and my two house mates are.

So, are your numerous female friends and housemates psychotic or does the problem suddenly disappear when you take the possibility of sex out of the equation?

Sprouts

Op there are now plenty of foreign girls in Ireland who aren't as up themselves, easier to talk to and far better looking than the natives. Give it a go anyway.

banquo

I think what the OP is saying - and I think that any guy here who's been in a heterosexual relationship can identify with this - is that he has finally arrived at the conclusion that women are fine, but gfs/wives are a little insane. OP, you've mentioned the two 'biggies': unwarranted jealousy, and their DIY nature regarding your appearance,etc.

This is normal.

My last gf before my present one (who I really really like btw) has lived in Canada for more than two years. We don't communicate. Despite this, my present gf feels unprecedentedly threatened by her to the point were she went on an archeological dig through my 2 email accounts/facebook profile/msn and gmail chat log history. Psychotic, but normal. And to any girl reading this: you may not have done this, but don't tell me you haven't thought about it, or wondered what was in those emails and logs to previous gfs.

''YOU're not allowed smoke anymore, though I'm allowed to continue to do so" - this is the latest junk from her (didn't happen)

I'm not saying that either sex is better than the other; really they are too totally different to compare. This is not the point of this post. The point of this post is for me to say to you OP that I know how you feel. So 3 billion other men. Give women a break for a while? Sounds to me like you've been giving them a break since your balls dropped; it's all a question of doing your best to understand the opposite sex, and the entailing psychology.

Sounds to me like you're halfway there, too.

Smyth

Stick it out mate. Sounds like you're just meeting the wrong type of women (obviously hehe)

Where are you meeting these horrid people. I mean I know everyone gets a sour grape every once in a while, but there's a lot of great *irish* women about too.

From past experience, I've noticed the best women are the ones who rarely "Go out on the town" and even when they do, usually brush slimy men off. These women are to be found in Clubs, Societies, Libraries and Boards

Why not join an aid group or something? You won't find naggin swilling, tracksuit wearing creeps there.

Rattlehead_ie

Its funny, i had this conversastion with a flat mate the other night (Im 25, she is 31) and we both agreed. Its true about alot but NOT all women, not just irish. Ladies dont get me wrong, im sure males are just as head wrecking but generally I would say that younger women prefer the bad boy / mis treated, asshole kinda guy until they hit the age of about 28 + when they realize that all they really want is someone they can connect with a guy that will be their "Night in shinning armour" not nessecerily a life partner but someone that will make them feel special.

Dont loose your faith in women, its not justified as there are alot of genuine women out there young and old, it just takes ALOT of looking and probably heartache and headache before you will find someone to restore your faith.

jessbeth

We're not all bad and we're not all good either but one thing for sure is that nobody is perfect.

Everybody has some flaws (except me ) but sometimes you have to just see if the love overrides this.

Maybe try joining a few clubs or something and you might meet people with similar mindsets and interests and that might help a little.

FearDark

Op, I could have written your opening post, im 25, had several relationships and I consider myself to be a nice guy, NEVER cheat, kind, generous, romantic, funny... They keep doing the exact same thing you mention in your posts. I started out as the most trusting of guys but right now I couldnt trust any girl and I hate it! I swear if I was a bastard i'd get all the girls.

I realised the other day that I've developed a serious problem with women, I think Irish women in particular. I can't for the life of me think of a single girl I've ever gone out with or know who I would consider to be a good partner. they've all had some kind of borderline psychotic eliment too their nature. be it unwarrented jealousy, trying to get me to do things I don't want to do (change my appearnace to suit their mates/family etc) or just plain psychotic.
and yet I'm always ditched for some asshole whos gonna treat them like crap and in several cases I've been dumped for guys who the girl has admitted shes not actually atracted too but who she stays with cos he treats her like crap and she thinks she can 'change' him, or exes who'll freak out if I talk to exes who are 5 years in the past but who'll ditch me to hang out with guys they where sleeping with a month before me.
I'm so sick of it and its seriously affecting me. I'm now unable to trust girls at all and if I meet a new girl and shes like 'here my phone number give me a shout' I wont cos I'm just like 'whats the point?'.
I hate that I've become this way but I cant think of a single girl I know whos not seriously headwrecking.

I've seen enough posts from "nice guys" who are essentially just doormats bemoaning that girls prefer "bad guys" [read: guys with some personality] I get a little jaded.
Do you actually have anything going for you other than "I don't hit women"? Is that all you have to offer?

All in all, my advice - stay away from women, doesn't seem to be working out too well for you.

Chinafoot

banquo wrote: »

This is normal.

My last gf before my present one (who I really really like btw) has lived in Canada for more than two years. We don't communicate. Despite this, my present gf feels unprecedentedly threatened by her to the point were she went on an archeological dig through my 2 email accounts/facebook profile/msn and gmail chat log history. Psychotic, but normal. And to any girl reading this: you may not have done this, but don't tell me you haven't thought about it, or wondered what was in those emails and logs to previous gfs.

''YOU're not allowed smoke anymore, though I'm allowed to continue to do so" - this is the latest junk from her (didn't happen)

Sorry but there is nothing normal about your girlfriend's behaviour. Psychotic but normal? Give me a break. She sounds like an immature child with major insecurity issues. Hate to break it to you mate, but we're not all like that.

And no, I havent done it or thought about it because I'm mature enough and secure enough in my relationship to know that any past relationship my other half has had is just that...past.

This kind of generalising bull is why the OP has these attitudes towards all women. Oh you've had a few bad experiences where people have left you for men that you think are assholes, such is life. It happens. Doesn't mean every single woman in this country will do the same thing.

Much easier to write everyone off than actually take a look at yourself though, isn't it?

Dwn Wth Vwls

To be honest, it sounds a bit like you've gotten yourself into the stereotypical "nice guy" attitude. It's something that gets talked about quite a bit, here's a somewhat random sample of what people say: http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml

It's a bit harsh and maybe not that accurate for you, but I think the basic principle is there.

abi2007

I disagree, not all girls like arsholes. I like nice guys... haven't found many but still hopeful. Not all women are headwrecking either.

abi2007

bluewolf wrote: »

Sorry, is this women or dogs you're posting about? Can't quite tell the difference here.



I've seen enough posts from "nice guys" who are essentially just doormats bemoaning that girls prefer "bad guys" [read: guys with some personality] I get a little jaded.
Do you actually have anything going for you other than "I don't hit women"? Is that all you have to offer?

All in all, my advice - stay away from women, doesn't seem to be working out too well for you.

I think you are too harsh on OP.... He didn't say anything that suggests he's talking about dogs.

St Bill

sickofgirls wrote: »

and yet I'm always ditched for some asshole

If these girls you date are psychotic and are always telling you what to do, well why don't you ditch them first? What's the point in going out with someone you obviously don't like?
And saying that you treat girls well and don't do bad things like 'hit them' is worrying to say the least.
So now you've reached a stage where you don't want to date Irish women because you think they're psychotic. This smacks of self pity. There's no harm in realising what you want in a girl, and taking a break from women until you find a lady whom you'll want to spend your time with. Whatever you do, don't go down the 'Irish women are no good' route because an attitude like that sucks. I've met Irish men who've been a tad aggressive and/or rude when they've 'wasted their time chatting me up' (it happens but it's their problem not mine) but I certainly do not assume that all or most Irish men are the same.

Wibbs

abi2007 wrote: »

I think you are too harsh on OP.... He didn't say anything that suggests he's talking about dogs.

Agreed.

abi2007

abi2007 wrote: »

I think you are too harsh on OP.... He didn't say anything that suggests he's talking about dogs.

Mmh, I didn't necessarily mean dogs per se, twas badly put. Just got the impression of superiority there.
Edited as I don't want it to become the main point of contention and was perhaps a little harsh.

theTinker

bluewolf wrote: »

Sorry, is this women or dogs you're posting about? Can't quite tell the difference here.

I've seen enough posts from "nice guys" who are essentially just doormats bemoaning that girls prefer "bad guys" [read: guys with some personality] I get a little jaded.
Do you actually have anything going for you other than "I don't hit women"? Is that all you have to offer?

All in all, my advice - stay away from women, doesn't seem to be working out too well for you.

This poster has it all right in her/his head.

Nice guys tend to be complete doormats of people. I'm a guy, and embarrassed to admit was once a 'nice guy' but it makes me sick when i meet these people now. Being nice and being some weak little person is very different, and OP, you scream of self pity and someone who can't get their own stuff together. I have tons of female friends and they quickly thought me that these 'nice guys' are like vomit to them. Girls would much rather a douche bag who tells them to go f**k themselves when they are being a$$H0les then some completely loser who doesn't have the self respect to call them on crap. At least with the douche, the guy has a pair and actually is a person worthy of some respect. Its not that women like douche bags, they just hate people who are walk overs, this goes for males too. Do you respect walk overs?

Evening mentioning that you don't hit women tells me that your head is totally fecked up and all you seem to bring to a woman is a "I wont beat you but i think you and your kind are total psychos and not worthy of my respect or trust". Cut the generalizations out. The extent to which you have taken them will leave you a sad lonely spiteful little runt.

Chivalrous behavior? you make it sound like a girl should sleep with you just because you don't slam a door in their face. This is something you should do for any person, regardless of gender, and only if it suits your situation, don't stand there for 10 minutes waiting on someone elses time frame

DarkJager

theTinker wrote: »

This poster has it all right in her/his head.

Nice guys tend to be complete doormats of people. I'm a guy, and embarrassed to admit was once a 'nice guy' but it makes me sick when i meet these people now. Being nice and being some weak little person is very different, and OP, you scream of self pity and someone who can't get their own stuff together. I have tons of female friends and they quickly thought me that these 'nice guys' are like vomit to them. Girls would much rather a douche bag who tells them to go f**k themselves when they are being a$$H0les then some completely loser who doesn't have the self respect to call them on crap. At least with the douche, the guy has a pair and actually is a person worthy of some respect. Its not that women like douche bags, they just hate people who are walk overs, this goes for males too. Do you respect walk overs?

Evening mentioning that you don't hit women tells me that your head is totally fecked up and all you seem to bring to a woman is a "I wont beat you but i think you and your kind are total psychos and not worthy of my respect or trust". Cut the generalizations out. The extent to which you have taken them will leave you a sad lonely spiteful little runt.

Chivalrous behavior? you make it sound like a girl should sleep with you just because you don't slam a door in their face. This is something you should do for any person, regardless of gender, and only if it suits your situation, don't stand there for 10 minutes waiting on someone elses time frame

+1000


I used to do the "nice guy" routine with the women, until I realised that it really isn't what they want, and in the end it will get you **** all. I'm sorry to be that blunt but its the truth. Chivalry was fine in the 1950's when women had some respect for men who were polite to them. Nowadays I'd rather let the door slap her in the face than hold it open and get one of those "dirty" looks off them, like you'd just tried to pinch their ass.

I'm in a pretty similar place to yourself to be honest. I've had a number of disasterous relationships with Irish women, and my last ex was sort of the final straw. I don't waste my time with them now or even give them a second look when I'm out, I just don't care for that game anymore. I concentrate on my job, gettin my money and enjoying myself with it instead of trying to play some role for a woman who isn't worth it. It will prob be a few years again before I'm bothered to get back into a relationship but I really don't care. I'm having my fun as it is. Some people may think its sad, but there is only so much bull**** a man can put up with over time..

As a final point, I'd just like to say don't paint all women with the same brush, and don't allow this phase to grow into a hatred for them. If you really can't face them now, give yourself and your mind some time to get back on track. Do some things that make you happy and your mind will be a lot clearer for when that diamond in the rough does come along...

JimmyCrackCorn!

Similar situation to yourself i gave up on completely by 23 ish.

First girlfriend was just emotional unstable and was a serious attention seeker (i was 18 though).

Second girlfriend dumped me told her parents she had rang me and told me she would kill herself if we didnt get back together. Created 4 pregnancy scares (i like condoms). Then attempted suicide as an attention seeking exercise.

Next girlfriend cheated on me but was fairly normal.

Girl after that wanted sex in public places like pub jacks and was a basket case attention seeker (2 months i pulled the plug i knew i had a repeat again)

So i stayed single for 3 years(no nookie) and just didnt want to know the opposite sex as any more than one of the lads.

Eventually i found a nice woman who treats me well. A woman i would have concidered far out of my league and she is actually stable careing and id run through fire for the woman. We do have the occasional disagreements but i know the girl would run through fore for me also.

Just to let you know you can be nice guy just dont bee a doormat, the biggest mistake you can make is not let the other person know how you feel about things, if your unhappy say it, you dont bottle it up and explode or bottle it up and be walked on just say im not happy with that, if they care about you it can be worked out.
It was a damn hard thing for me to learn and it stoped me attracting getting involved with demanding attention seeking generaly poisionus girlfriends.

Smyth

Where the hell are you guys meeting these weirdos?: :O

Phototoxin

Go out get some action, be happy with said action.....If something comes of it great, if not Meh! no big deal!

yeah real good advice... more rejection and using of people is not what is needed.

I would suggest changing how you meet girls. Avoid places with alcohol unless you intend for a long term partner to only be right for you when they are pissed.

Also a lot of those women you mentioned seem immature and not to have the same outlook on life as you. I would suggest finding those that match your personality more.

JimmyCrackCorn!

Smyth wrote: »

Where the hell are you guys meeting these weirdos?: :O

I that order

Pub
College
Work
Friends

dan_d

I know plenty of nice guys who are chivalrous,decent, treat me well etc etc etc...I'm lucky enough to have one as my boyfriend!....but not once do they ever let me get away with any sort of crap. I work in a very male dominated industry. They treat me very well, but they will call me on it if I'm talking crap!I'll return the favour for them too, whether they like it or not. I'm sure you're lovely, but women are human beings too, they get annoying, and they disagree with you.You kind of sound like you're looking for a woman who worships you because you're nice, never disagrees with you etc, etc. It doesn't work that way.You're not perfect either. Women aren't actually that bad..but we've not men.(duh!)..so you've got to accept that and get on with it.
BTW, it's very, very rare to meet a long term girlfriend in a nightclub.That doesn't work so well!

Slaygal

Don't be disheartened ! Not all women treat you like dirt. Some women appreciate good manners and being treated with respect. I should know I'm one of them. For years I had a string of lousy boyfriends who treated me like dirt. Then one day something clicked and I changed my attitude once that happened I met a lovely who treated me with respect and consideration. 10 years later wer are still together.

abi2007

Smyth wrote: »

Where the hell are you guys meeting these weirdos?: :O

where do you meet people that aren't