Would you consider this inappropriate?

LegacyUser

Hi all. I’m a regular poster but am going unreg for this. There’s something going on in my relationship and I’m not sure how to deal with it, or even if it needs dealing with at all, so I’d appreciate others perspectives because I’m just not sure whether or not what’s going on here is definitely inappropriate or if it is to what level.

I’m in a long term relationship and several years ago my partner had a snog and a grope with a long-time female ‘friend’ of his. We’d been together a couple of years at that time. A good eighteen months or so after the fact he confessed all and of course I was furious. I was hurt and humiliated, especially since she’d been in our company since they’d gotten it on behind my back. I wouldn’t take his calls or respond to his texts for weeks. He kept on contacting me and eventually I relented. I loved him to bits and still do. Although it was unspoken, of course I expected him to get rid of her out of our lives. The reason it was unspoken was because it was so bleedin obvious I never bothered saying it.

Anyway, now another few years have passed and as far as I was concerned he hadn’t seen or heard from her in years. He never ever mentions her and neither do I. But earlier this evening I sat down to use my computer just after he’d been using it and he’d left his email open. I’d better make it clear now for the anti-snooping brigade that I wasn’t deliberately snooping for feck all; he’d left the email open in front of me and it’d have taken a blind woman not to spot her name hopping off the screen. He’s a bit absentminded like that and no doubt will have forgotten all about it, which is unfortunate actually because if he were to raise the issue I wouldn’t have any debating to do. Anyway, needless to say, I read it. It was just ‘hi’ and general chit-chat. I closed the whole lot down and said nothing. The reason I said nothing is because I just don’t know if this is worth running amok over. I know what happened between them was a drunken mistake; I know that he regrets it and I know he wouldn’t repeat it and I also know that he loves me. It was a stupid thing that he done, he’s admitted that and berated himself as "a gobshyte", and the having her around me after the fact was his clumsy and foolish way of trying to pretend, to himself and to me, that nothing of any significance had happened. It would have looked strange to me, bear in mind, if she had just disappeared off the scene. I’m not making excuses for him; I’m relating his actions as he has explained them and I believe he was telling the truth as he saw it.

Anyway, so now I’ve found out that they are still in contact. It’s all subterfuge, obviously; I’m not supposed to know they’re in touch. I reckon he thinks I’ll surely go mad so this has to be kept from me. I know there’s nothing going on between them. They’ve obviously decided to rekindle their friendship, and on the sly, behind my back; but I feel that, even if a person is single, there is a line you do not (or should not) cross with a friend and obviously he's crossed it with her, so I do not understand how you can put someone back into friend category once you've crossed that line. Do people reading this think that's possible, I wonder? And if it is, has he any right to be communicating with someone he cheated on me with, behind my back??? I don’t know how to feel here, right now I just feel kind of confused. I cant make sense of this in my head and honestly dont know if I'm being f**ked over here, if I'm being a control freak or if I'm being uncommonly gracious in continuing to ignore their contact, as I am considering doing.

If they were having it off then things would be very clear cut, but they obviously just want to put the past behind and remain friends – and on the QT, which is the part that’s pissing me off most, but then if they were upfront about it I’d be thinking they had some cheek, wouldn’t I? I’m dying to read what way others would feel about this because right now I just don’t know what way is up. Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for anyone who tries to help me make sense of this.

LegacyUser

Heya, i've had something similar happen to me,my bf didnt cheat but was kindof being really flirty etc with another girl by email/msn. She's living in the US now so i know nothing has happened between them but i do sometimes wonder if they still email each other. Tbh, if i saw they had been but that the emails were entirely platonic, i would kindof be glad, because i'd know that although they were still in contact, there would be absolutely nothing to worry about. I understand your bf's reasoning here, if he had cut off all contact with this girl, it would be as if that kiss had meant something but it didnt and he's just gone back to being friends with this girl. I understand how infuriating that must be for you and i would probably be the same, but although your pride is hurt, he isnt doing anything wrong right now. If i were you i would mention to my bf that i didnt like him keeping secrets from me, i would leave him stay in contact with her but would avoid any situation where i might meet her in real life. At the same time, u are right that your bf crossed a line and if u really cant live with him staying in contact with her, i think u are within your rights to say so. hth.

LegacyUser

confusedtonite wrote: »

Hi all. I’m a regular poster but am going unreg for this. There’s something going on in my relationship and I’m not sure how to deal with it, or even if it needs dealing with at all, so I’d appreciate others perspectives because I’m just not sure whether or not what’s going on here is definitely inappropriate or if it is to what level.

I’m in a long term relationship and several years ago my partner had a snog and a grope with a long-time female ‘friend’ of his. We’d been together a couple of years at that time. A good eighteen months or so after the fact he confessed all and of course I was furious. I was hurt and humiliated, especially since she’d been in our company since they’d gotten it on behind my back. I wouldn’t take his calls or respond to his texts for weeks. He kept on contacting me and eventually I relented. I loved him to bits and still do. Although it was unspoken, of course I expected him to get rid of her out of our lives. The reason it was unspoken was because it was so bleedin obvious I never bothered saying it.

Anyway, now another few years have passed and as far as I was concerned he hadn’t seen or heard from her in years. He never ever mentions her and neither do I. But earlier this evening I sat down to use my computer just after he’d been using it and he’d left his email open. I’d better make it clear now for the anti-snooping brigade that I wasn’t deliberately snooping for feck all; he’d left the email open in front of me and it’d have taken a blind woman not to spot her name hopping off the screen. He’s a bit absentminded like that and no doubt will have forgotten all about it, which is unfortunate actually because if he were to raise the issue I wouldn’t have any debating to do. Anyway, needless to say, I read it. It was just ‘hi’ and general chit-chat. I closed the whole lot down and said nothing. The reason I said nothing is because I just don’t know if this is worth running amok over. I know what happened between them was a drunken mistake; I know that he regrets it and I know he wouldn’t repeat it and I also know that he loves me. It was a stupid thing that he done, he’s admitted that and berated himself as "a gobshyte", and the having her around me after the fact was his clumsy and foolish way of trying to pretend, to himself and to me, that nothing of any significance had happened. It would have looked strange to me, bear in mind, if she had just disappeared off the scene. I’m not making excuses for him; I’m relating his actions as he has explained them and I believe he was telling the truth as he saw it.

Anyway, so now I’ve found out that they are still in contact. It’s all subterfuge, obviously; I’m not supposed to know they’re in touch. I reckon he thinks I’ll surely go mad so this has to be kept from me. I know there’s nothing going on between them. They’ve obviously decided to rekindle their friendship, and on the sly, behind my back; but I feel that, even if a person is single, there is a line you do not (or should not) cross with a friend and obviously he's crossed it with her, so I do not understand how you can put someone back into friend category once you've crossed that line. Do people reading this think that's possible, I wonder? And if it is, has he any right to be communicating with someone he cheated on me with, behind my back??? I don’t know how to feel here, right now I just feel kind of confused. I cant make sense of this in my head and honestly dont know if I'm being f**ked over here, if I'm being a control freak or if I'm being uncommonly gracious in continuing to ignore their contact, as I am considering doing.

If they were having it off then things would be very clear cut, but they obviously just want to put the past behind and remain friends – and on the QT, which is the part that’s pissing me off most, but then if they were upfront about it I’d be thinking they had some cheek, wouldn’t I? I’m dying to read what way others would feel about this because right now I just don’t know what way is up. Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for anyone who tries to help me make sense of this.

I suspect you know your choices:-

Do nothing - accept it is nothing more than chit chat

Do nothing - but let it eat you up from inside until you explode

Speak to him - about still being in touch with her and why he hasn't told you

Assume the worst and break up.

I would open the conversation, very calmly, not making accusations, simply pointing out he left his last e-mail to her on screen. And, then hear what he has to say.

LegacyUser

He's going behind your back. You'd think after all the years together he would have the decentcy to tell you he is still ''only talking'' to her through email. Confront him about it. It's unfair to you.

Chinafoot

You say this girl was a "long-time" friend of your boyfriend so it may have been difficult to just end the friendship over a drunken mistake that will never be repeated. People do really stupid things when they're drunk and while I'm not condoning his actions, he came clean and you both decided to move on.

He's probably not telling you about chatting to her because he doesn't want to upset you. You said yourself they just want to put the past behind them and remain friends. He probably doesn't know how to broach the subject with you for fear of opening old wounds and damaging the relationship again. He's not being very smart about it but as you said yourself, if he was upfront about it you wouldn't be happy either. It's a tough situation for everyone but try to see it from his point of view too. Yes he messed up, but they were friends for a long time.

As to your question of putting people back in the friends category after a kiss, I'd say its very possible. It was a drunken kiss, we don't know the circumastances surrounding it. Perhaps you and he had been arguing, maybe she was going through some hard times and things got a bit weird when they were drunk. It is possible that they both regretted it hugely and knew that they were friends and nothing more. A kiss doesn't mean the friendship is completely changed forever. Sometimes a kiss can reaffirm that you are simply friends and nothing else.

This kiss happened "several years go" and while I can totally understand your hurt at what he did, maybe you should speak to him about it. They were friends for a long time and it can't have been easy to cut somebody out like that. Sit him down and explain that he left the email open and you'd like to talk about it. Don't go mental or lose the head with him but explain how you feel. If you ignore it, it will fester. Best to get this sort of thing out in the open.

jessbeth

I would consider it inappropriate because he is keeping it secret. I mean if there is nothing to hide then why is he hiding it.
His answer will probably be, "Because you wouldn't like it if you know" and I would explain to him that it's the "not knowing" that causes trust issues.
I would most definitely be pissed off if a boyfriend of mine was keeping secrets. I wouldn't be pissed off if he was friends with his ex, just if he was keeping a secret of it.
I would definitely ask him about it and tell him to be upfront and honest.

LegacyUser

Thanks girls. What's pissing me off even more is that I confronted him about it today and he maintains it's "irrelevant" that they are in touch. Irrelevant to fcuking whom??? So now he gets to decide what's relevant for the both of us???

I don’t know if I'm overreacting but I've been seriously considering leaving him after the conversation we had today, because the more I think about it, the more I feel betrayed all over again. This is just more sneaking around and secrets and lies between the two of them and I'm forced into the position of being the eejit who has no clue what's going on between them behind my back – again.

Chinafoot

confusedtonite wrote: »

Thanks girls. What's pissing me off even more is that I confronted him about it today and he maintains it's "irrelevant" that they are in touch. Irrelevant to fcuking whom??? So now he gets to decide what's relevant for the both of us???

I don’t know if I'm overreacting but I've been seriously considering leaving him after the conversation we had today, because the more I think about it, the more I feel betrayed all over again. This is just more sneaking around and secrets and lies between the two of them and I'm forced into the position of being the eejit who has no clue what's going on between them behind my back – again.

How much contact has there been? Have they met up? Has it been happening for a while?

Saying it's irrelevant is a cop out. He needs to have this conversation with you after what happened as it's completely understandable why you'd be upset. He was stupid to keep this a secret. The incident happened years ago and he should have been mature enough to speak to you about rekindling his friendship with her.

Do you think maybe he left the email there for you to see?

While I don't think you're overreacting in being upset, you should wait until you talk to him about it properly before making any rash decisions.

Smyth

confusedtonite wrote: »

Thanks girls. What's pissing me off even more is that I confronted him about it today and he maintains it's "irrelevant" that they are in touch. Irrelevant to fcuking whom??? So now he gets to decide what's relevant for the both of us???

I don’t know if I'm overreacting but I've been seriously considering leaving him after the conversation we had today, because the more I think about it, the more I feel betrayed all over again. This is just more sneaking around and secrets and lies between the two of them and I'm forced into the position of being the eejit who has no clue what's going on between them behind my back – again.

You have been betrayed. You've been lied to and been made a fool of.

Keeping something like that behind your back is unacceptable, and for him to flippantly brush it off - even more so.

Sure they were friends, but they crossed the line which means that there's more than friendship there. For him to dabble back in that....he knows what he's doing. He knows he had the drunked snog. He knows it could've cost him your relationship.

It's not a friendship he's rekindliing. It's probably something more.

I'm not going to presume I know the intricacies of your relationship, but from what you've said, if I was in the same position, It'd be OVER!

LegacyUser

Smyth wrote: »

You have been betrayed. You've been lied to and been made a fool of.

Keeping something like that behind your back is unacceptable, and for him to flippantly brush it off - even more so.

That's what I was thinking.

Smyth wrote: »

It's not a friendship he's rekindliing. It's probably something more.

Thankfully I know that's not true Smyth, though I can understand why it would look that way.

LegacyUser

Chinafoot wrote: »

How much contact has there been? Have they met up? Has it been happening for a while?

He hasnt commented on any of this Chinafoot, he's refused to even speak about it or answer any of my questions. His attitude is that I've no right even to expect an answer!!! Can you fcuking believe that???!! Though I've no proof I've also no doubt that if there have been emails there have been texts, calls, and possibly meeting up too.

Chinafoot wrote: »

Do you think maybe he left the email there for you to see?

Definately not, no, he'd never do that.

Chinafoot wrote: »

While I don't think you're overreacting in being upset, you should wait until you talk to him about it properly before making any rash decisions.

I'd agree with this generally, but I am just so fuming here about his attitude since he's been busted it'll be difficult not to do anything rash! I'm as angry about that as I am about the whole emailing thing.

dudara

He kept it secret from you. Deliberately. Therefore he knew that it was not "irrelevant" to you. Speak to him, making this point clearly.

There may be nothing at all going on, but if he is willing to do things that he knows will upset you then you need to reassess things.

LegacyUser

dudara wrote: »

He kept it secret from you. Deliberately. Therefore he knew that it was not "irrelevant" to you. Speak to him, making this point clearly.

I will. That's a very good point dudara, thank you for making it.

Dizzyblonde

In my opinion there shouldn't be secrets like this in a committed relationship, and he's obviously been keeping this from you because he knows you wouldn't approve. You're right, he shouldn't have brought her back into your life after what happened.
It is not irrelevant and you're right to be concerned.
If he loves you then this girl's friendship will come second to your happiness.

jessbeth

Ask him would it be relevant if you started speaking with another ex of your own behind his back and keeping it secret? I would be definitely dumping this guy, not because of the other girl but because of the lies. Once a liar, always a liar I say and the bit about it not being "relevant". I wonder would it be irrelevant if you started snogging one of your ex' behind his back. Might be a theory worth testing

LegacyUser

jessbeth wrote: »

Ask him would it be relevant if you started speaking with another ex of your own behind his back and keeping it secret? I would be definitely dumping this guy, not because of the other girl but because of the lies. Once a liar, always a liar I say and the bit about it not being "relevant". I wonder would it be irrelevant if you started snogging one of your ex' behind his back. Might be a theory worth testing

It feckin might be... She's not an ex though, jessbeth; if she had been maybe I'd have seen this sh!t coming years ago.

Can I ask the readers here something: I am starting to feel deeply disrespected by this whole thing and I am wondering if people feel I am being rational in that? Surely this is worth feeling disrespected over??? Sometimes it's hard in that your feelings are so all over the place you're not sure if you can even trust them when you're in the height of an emotional storm, but I am pretty certain I've been seriously disrespected here and would appreciate people telling me if they'd feel the same way. Thanks.

theTinker

confusedtonite wrote: »

OPs post

That was one of the soundest most thought out calm level headed personal problems (of such a volatile issue) that I have ever read. If you are capable of that kinda response, then i would mention it to him that he left the email open and you seen that he was talking to her. Don't say more, let him say why and stuff. Tell him you obviously understand why its on the QT but that you don't like secrets like this. Obviously they mucked up things before. You can decide whether you are ok with him actually talking to her after he has said his part. There is no rush.

The only problem i foresee with this though is that it might create a environment where you need to lay ground rules about not seeing her, not showing her to you, etc which i think would be very problematic

jimmycrackcorm

confusedtonite wrote: »

It feckin might be... She's not an ex though, jessbeth; if she had been maybe I'd have seen this sh!t coming years ago.

Can I ask the readers here something: I am starting to feel deeply disrespected by this whole thing and I am wondering if people feel I am being rational in that? Surely this is worth feeling disrespected over??? Sometimes it's hard in that your feelings are so all over the place you're not sure if you can even trust them when you're in the height of an emotional storm, but I am pretty certain I've been seriously disrespected here and would appreciate people telling me if they'd feel the same way. Thanks.

You could try the mature and wise approach.

#1 Recognize that people make mistakes and live with that (re the snog), unless you think you are more perfect than him.
#2 Tell him you saw his open email and what was on it and that you want him to simply feel that he doesn't have to hide anything from you.

Why don't you fix the situation instead of looking for an excuse to get angry.

Chinafoot

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

You could try the mature and wise approach.

#1 Recognize that people make mistakes and live with that (re the snog), unless you think you are more perfect than him.
#2 Tell him you saw his open email and what was on it and that you want him to simply feel that he doesn't have to hide anything from you.

Why don't you fix the situation instead of looking for an excuse to get angry.

If you'd read her other posts in this thread you'd see that she did try to speak to him and was told its "irrelevant". It's not irrelevnat to her at all and he's quite frankly being a dick about this and giving her good reason to be angry.

The issue here isn't the kiss he had, it's the fact that he's been keeping his renewed contact with this girl a secret. After what happened, his friendship with this girl is going to have an impact on their relationship so he should have done the decent thing and talked to his partner.

OP you are right to feel disrespected, I would too. He should at least have the deceny to sit down with you and talk things over. Fobbing you off isn't the way to go.

Carrigart Exile

confusedtonite wrote: »

Thanks girls. What's pissing me off even more is that I confronted him about it today and he maintains it's "irrelevant" that they are in touch. Irrelevant to fcuking whom??? So now he gets to decide what's relevant for the both of us???

I don’t know if I'm overreacting but I've been seriously considering leaving him after the conversation we had today, because the more I think about it, the more I feel betrayed all over again. This is just more sneaking around and secrets and lies between the two of them and I'm forced into the position of being the eejit who has no clue what's going on between them behind my back – again.

I think you are over reacting here. His choice of words have not helped but no doubt you caught him off guard and probably matters got heated. Do nothing for the next day or so and let him make the next move.

Dizzyblonde

confusedtonite wrote: »

Can I ask the readers here something: I am starting to feel deeply disrespected by this whole thing and I am wondering if people feel I am being rational in that? Surely this is worth feeling disrespected over??? Sometimes it's hard in that your feelings are so all over the place you're not sure if you can even trust them when you're in the height of an emotional storm, but I am pretty certain I've been seriously disrespected here and would appreciate people telling me if they'd feel the same way. Thanks.

I'd feel betrayed and disrespected too. You need to sit and talk with him to see if you can get past this in a way that pleases both of you. If not then you have a problem.

LegacyUser

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

You could try the mature and wise approach.

#1 Recognize that people make mistakes and live with that (re the snog)

That's exactly what I've been doing for years jimmycrackcorm. This issue was dead a long time ago as far as I was concerned; I never harped on about it after we'd decided to move on. We had our row about it at the time (which in all honesty was a long and bitter one) but when that was over it was left in the past, where it belonged as far as I was concerned. He's the one who's decided that keeping secret contact with her is worth resurrecting that issue, not me.

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

unless you think you are more perfect than him.

Well that's the sad thing; I didn’t think there was anyone on earth more perfect than him, or more perfect for me than him either.

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Why don't you fix the situation instead of looking for an excuse to get angry.

That's why I posted. I don’t want my relationship going down the tubes, but I haven’t gone looking for an excuse to be angry; I've had one slapped in my face, and to add salt to the wound I've had it branded irrelevant too.

Also, to make matters worse, I have to ask myself if he thinks this is immaterial behaviour then what else might he think is acceptable as long as I don’t find out about it? I believe only a fool would not be asking themselves that in these circumstances.

theTinker: Thanks for your comments re my having been calm etc on first discovering this. The reason for that is because I’ve been very secure in my relationship for a very long time. I don’t see this woman as a threat; the threat here is in my partner’s attitude.

Carrigart Exile, just to clarify, things didn’t get heated during our discussion at all. There were no raised voices. He told me in a very matter-of-fact manner that his secretive contact with her was irrelevant. If he’d shouted it during the height of a blazing row I’d be re-confirming that he actually meant that, but that wasn’t the way it happened at all. He meant it, believe me. I’m coming to understand that the only thing that’s irrelevant here are my feelings, as far as he’s concerned.

And Chinafoot, you’ve been very astute as to what’s going on here and very supportive also at a time I’ve been feeling quite vulnerable and confused and it has given me some clarity and made a positive difference to my state of mind, so thank you for that.

jessbeth

I don't think you're overreacting. I would be very upset at his attitude more then anything else.
If it's all so "irrelevant" then why the secrets?
Any updates?

ChickCool

if my oh had cheated on me i would expect him to cut off contact with that person immediately if i chose to not not leave him.if hed been keeping contact with that person without telling me i would pack his stuff, leave it on the doorstep with a note to explain i know this im betrayed AGAIN and ive had enough. if he had the fcuking rudeness to say its ireelevant hed been waking up as a awoman.he has no right to stamp on your feelings about his cheating because he doesnt want to take responsibilty for his actions.by saying its irrelevant hes refusing to discuss it with you,definitely disrespecting you and not owning up to his responsibility of hurting you

Burial

First off, Long-term friend are long-term friends for a reason. It's only obvious that they'd contact each other. I'd just question him about it. But not too Demanding or whatever, just casual. Like "Oh I saw an email from X on the computer, whats that about?" Tbh, he's with you at the end of the day and/or if he's with her, he'll soon break up with you because he's obviously unhappy.

beth-lou

If he kissed her behind your back and then confessed to it, and he knew how much it hurt you, why would he stay in contact with her.

I couldn't ignore this. You have been together for years and long term friend or not, once they crossed that line, while the two of you were together, they should have cut all contact. It is totally inappropriate. It would be a different situation if they'd had a snog before you met. But this happened while you were together. I think you have been extremely understanding. A little too understanding to be honest. He was with someone else. He hurt you. He should have made the decision to break that "friendship" himself.

Of course it is going to bring up buried feelings of betrayal and trust issues. For him to dismiss you is showing a total lack of respect. The least he could do is talk to you.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this, but you need to be assertive and get to the bottom of it. I wouldn't be so sure that he wouldn't do anything. He's done it before. Or maybe that's just experience making me cynical. But you have every right to express how this makes you feel. For him to be so blase about it, is worrying.

Redpunto

I would find this unacceptable, disrespectful and if it wasnt sorted, a reason to get rid. Its not necessarily the contact hes having, its the fact that he thinks its ok to keep this a secret from you?? You have the right to be angry and for him to be beggin on his knees and asking your forgiveness,, If at the very least he is unwilling to talk to you about this and explain his actions and try and appease the situation then hes being a twat and needs a push out the door.

LegacyUser

Thanks for that post Beth-lou; it was right on the money.

jessbeth wrote: »

Any updates?

Just that I got more blase crap late this evening and on hearing it I eventually lost the rag. I told him I was leaving him and that I should have done it years ago the first time he made a fool of me with her, and then I stormed out.

Nothing more to report, except that I am sitting here thanking God we dont live together...

Xterminator

Hi

there have been a few hysterical comments flying about like 'he betrayed you' etc. A lot of the time you can see posters projecting there own insecurities onto the situation in PI.

i would advise stepping back from emotion for a second.

You already decided your long and stable happy relationship shouldnt be discarded over a drunken kiss. Yet thats exactly what might happen.

It was never explicity agreed he give up the friendship right? Is it not possible he didnt see this unspoken agreement differently? IE they messed up, so he doesnt get to pal around with her when your around. Im soory to say whats 'bleeding obvious' to you may not be to him.

So perhaps he felt it was irrelavent as he didnt mention her or bring her to mutual functions, just had the odd chat. Not that your feelings are irrelavent, your feelings and the strength of them might in fact have suprised him.

Im not saying he's right, just trying to get into his way of thinking. So then im thinking is that worth breaking up over? because your opinion (which you never fully expressed) and his (also not expressed) were not the same.

The worst part of this seems to be that im sure if you had made it a condition he sever contact, he would have!

Now this partner of your seems the honest type. he confessed a snog, that he didnt need too, because he couldnt keep it from you. and you trust him not to be cheating on you etc.

As for this atttude there are no secrets in a commited relationship ... of couse there are! Jeez if someone says something that will rile my wife, in her absence, she gets the g rated version. If i want a gadget for my computer, i understate how much it cost, or buy her a dvd atr the same time, etc.

So are you going to split a fine thing because of what aseems to be a misunderstanding, complicated by his not getting how strongly you feel about this?

I genuinely think this was not intended as a slap in the face, or a betrayal of trust. And no-one but you can change how you interpret it. So if the intention wasnt to hurt, I dont think he has done you so wrong, that you gotta break up? Seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I hope for both your sakes you put this behind you. I would have understood more if you had dumped him for the snog, than for this.

X

jessbeth

confusedtonite wrote: »

Thanks for that post Beth-lou; it was right on the money.



Just that I got more blase crap late this evening and on hearing it I eventually lost the rag. I told him I was leaving him and that I should have done it years ago the first time he made a fool of me with her, and then I stormed out.

Nothing more to report, except that I am sitting here thanking God we dont live together...

Wow really brave move, kudos to you for sticking up for yourself and changing your future and for not allowing yourself to be treated like a door mat.

Storm_rages

Hi confusedtonite,


I can understand why you would be so upset. All i can suggest is take your time and think. Only you can know if this is a bump in your relationship or if its more serious. He did mess up and you did forgive him. As for her coming back into his life or him getting back into hers, he has handled it all very badly and is now doing what we all do sometimes and making it worse.

Breath... (its important)

But he had not cheated on you again and from what i have read he loves you and you trust him.

So i think it depends on your relationship. Take time out and then talk to him..