What web designers really think!!

EKRIUQ

I've been working in web design/development for a long time now, more as a hobby than as a profession. During my tenure, I've grown to understand a lot about how this industry works, most of which seems totally lost on the clientel that walks through the door. They seem to think that through some sort of black magic, a lot of clicking, a white board, 45 minutes, and a kazoo I will make them this killer website. Sorry, not true.

1. I am your web designer -- not your tech support, guidance counselor or mother
As stated on my business card and website, I am a web developer. That's it. I don't take calls after hours to talk about what you should write on your blog. Nor do I help you make tech-related purchases at PC world. And even though you insisted that I build you a website that allows you to make content changes via templated HTML files, I am NOT tech support and will not walk you through setting up your FTP in Dreamweaver or explain why it "doesn't work." Sorry.

2. You are not my best client
I'll let you in on a little secret: here is the order of clients web developers prefer, from best to worst. See where you fit in and then judge your tone and attitude with me based on it.
1. Themselves
2. Their parents
3. Their best friend
4. Other businesses
5. Their friends they "kinda like"
6. Lawyers
7. Person who made their old site
8. Mom and Pop stores
9. Dentists
10. Dentists who also are their friend

3. The phrase "ASAP" will be treated with a grain of salt
At my old job we met with this long-term client of ours for our monthly "Here is our new killer idea for our site" meeting. At that meeting, the company boss (#11 on the list of best clients) said they were having a meeting with investors to potentially take on some more funding, since they had yet to make a profit in 3 years. As a result, they needed some bad-ass custom codded CMS portal system to show the investors the company was "serious." Oh, and they needed it ASAP -- in 48 hours. According to the boss, the CMS was critical to the success of this meeting. Thus, my coworkers and I worked 2 full days to deliver them what they asked for. We emailed them the link, they replied to it a week later, saying they never got to it at the meeting. Balls.

4. The phrase "I heard on the radio that..." shall never be used to make decisions
At that same meeting listed above, one of the employees of said company spoke up. "I heard on the radio this morning that unless your website has a blog, you're nothing." Well you know what? I heard on the radio that unless your company turns a profit, you're nothing as well!

5. Websites don't write themselves
I can't tell you how many times I've walked a client through the beta of their new website, and had them ask, "What's all this 'Loruuum ip...ip...ip-sum text?" I tell them it's the dummy text until they provide us the content to fill it (which is also stated in the contract they signed). Their usual response is, "I thought you were going to do that!" No, no we're not. We're the web developers. We don't know your business, customers, what text you want on our site, or anything like that. We don't write copy. I swear, people think that when a web development company makes a website for you, somehow it automatically gets filled with the perfect content.

6. Your concept of time is horribly skewed
Just face it, you know nothing about the web design industry. As far as you're concerned, I just draw every page on your site in paint, paste it into a PowerPoint presentation, go to File -> Save As, and select the "Web" option. Conversely, I don't claim to know anything about your business (see #5). So don't assume changing the CMS powering your site should only take me a few hours. Also, don't assume the 5 minutes to change the text in a template as proof that it is possible to work faster than I am.

7. Your website shall not: play music, have a (flash) intro, snow, or use the marquee tag.
I stopped doing those things in 1995, and you should too.

8. I will be specific with my requests
When you email me your HTML email template created in MS Word as a "starting point," don't feel bad (and then stay late after the meeting to talk with my boss) about how I "didn't follow your instructions." Especially when you want me to use your EXACT graphic: an ugly & pixelated open briefcase full of money.

9. I will trust my web developer
The reason you hired me is not to do busy work or cause I seem to have the "codes" to get your website on all the "internets." You hired us cause this is our industry and we know what works and what doesn't. What looks good and what doesn't look good. So don't get so fed up with our gorgeous layout and take it upon yourself hack it to death with Paint Shop Pro. It's really irritating. Also, stop trying to make your new website look like your old one! You hired us for a reason!

10. I will pay for my website
No, I won't make your website for you for free. I already have plenty of other clients and am not struggling so much that I have enough free time to spend a week developing your website that sells "edgy" t-shirts. For FREE! Nor will I do work for you in return for a portion of your profit/sales, especially if you're not already an established business. It's amazing how 20% of €1,000 doesn't really even begin to get me close to mortgage.

Goodshape

Hate to be an asshole about this... but eh, your little rant needs a bit of work imo.

You seem to interchange the words Designer and Developer freely. Design and development is not the same thing. A designer should at the very least be aware of the 'copy' or text which is to go together with the site they're creating.

As a designer it's up to you to know your clients business, customers and what text they want on their site. Leaving it upto them to change your Lorem Ipsum into something usable is entirely lazy and will very often result in a broken design.

Parents, family and friends - in all fairness - make terrible 'clients' imo. Always wanting more for less and expecting hefty discounts.

Being handed an "ugly & pixelated open briefcase full of money" and being unable to communicate the difference between that and an actually usable graphic to your client is your failing. Your clients are not web designers, that's why they hired you.


Most of your other points are fairly solid though . A particular pet-peeve of mine is this idea that creating something like an entirely new cataloguing system is just a matter of "throwing a couple of fields together". Like, throw them together where exactly? The photoshop design, the html implementation, the php development, the database design? Right, sorry, yeah... not quite as easy as you thought. And no I won't do it for fifty bucks.

And, as a designer/developer, the fact that it can be easy to impress with a weekends worth of fancy photoshop mock-ups... but after a week of solid php/mysql development they just don't get why things aren't yet looking or working exactly the way they imagined. Again it's "what's the problem? I just want a simple form with all the options to catalogue my entire inventory!?!". Grrr.

EKRIUQ

Relax Mick, it was meant to be a joke I took it from another website

Goodshape

Namesco wrote: »

Relax Mick, it was meant to be a joke I took it from another website

Grand so

sesswhat

Namesco wrote: »

I took it from another website

I think 'Mom and Pop stores' gave it away:). No doubt the €1000 were $1000.

les succulent ducks

Very humourous! I like

Placebo

thats brilliant

DonkeyStyle \o/

Nice grave-dig.
While we're on the subject, I came across this a while back

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfprIxNfCjk

pauldiv

Funny. Nice post.

stereo_steve

EKRIUQ wrote: »

2. You are not my best client
I'll let you in on a little secret: here is the order of clients web developers prefer, from best to worst. See where you fit in and then judge your tone and attitude with me based on it.
1. Themselves
2. Their parents
3. Their best friend
4. Other businesses
5. Their friends they "kinda like"
6. Lawyers
7. Person who made their old site
8. Mom and Pop stores
9. Dentists
10. Dentists who also are their friend

Maybe get a girlfriend?

Hellm0

Yeah, aside from the mentioned lack of distinction between web developer and web designer (pet peeve of mine), it all sounds familiar.