I dont know who i am anymore

LegacyUser

i don't even know where to begin this post, I'm 21, i've been with my boyfriend for three years. i love him to bits. we met in a fairytale like story, in a club, he was a friend of a friend and actually turned out he lived just down the street from me. we started dating and as result of living so close together were always together.

oviously we have our rows, everyone does, silly things he does drives me mad but he always apologises and we always get over it.

were both in college, his course is very intense and difficult so he dosn't have a lot of spare time.

last year we wern't getting to see each other alot, and to make a long story short i built up a very strong relationship with someone else in my course. nothing sexual just a very close friendship. close to the point where we would talk for hours, in the morning in the evening, we would sit silently in each others company and just be happy. we kissed a couple of times and afterwards i felt so bad but good aswell. we talked about everything in our lives we just clicked straight away.

i was so confused. i just wanted my boyfriend to be there and he couldn't be and i sought comfort in my new friend.

the friendship we built up was very intense we really connected unbelievably. he told me he was falling in love with me. again this wasnt a sexual relationship.

anyway after we had kissed a few times my new friend told me boyfriend about us. everything we had done together, in detail - our conversations. i had confided in telling him things that i hadn't told my boyfriend. i really felt so angry for doing this especially after he told everything.

so when my boyfriend found out he obviously was very upset. he told me the trust was gone and it would be long time before it would be back but he still wanted to be with me.

i couldn't see my new friend anymore. i couldn't even look at him. i felt betrayed. which i had no right to but i did.

the reason for the title of this post is that really. i don't know who i am anymore. before all this happened i would have frowned on people cheating on others, i never would have pictured myself doing the same. my family would feel the same and if they knew what happened they would be so disappointed in me.

i wander in and out of day dreams wondering what my friend is doing. the fact that i know hes out there and he feels the way he does. but then i see my boyfriend and my heart breaks for hurting him so much. you can't have your cake and eat it i know that. i wonder will my boyfriend ever trust me again. will we ever have the relationship i briefly had with my friend at the time. my boyfriend and i get on so well, we've similar interests, similar taste but then i'm into other things that he has no interst in.

i don't know why i'm writing this, i'm just in complete limbo i feel ashamed for hurting two people so much. i know my friend felt so strongly towards me, i know it was genuine.

i just don't feel like i'm good enough for my boyfriend anymore. my friend said to me once that if i was so in love with my boyfriend then i wouldn't have kissed him. he said alot of things to me that were true and that came true.

i can't get my friend out of my head, i know i still refer to him as my friend. i want to forget him, i don't want to think about him. but i can't.

i still feel like i'm betraying my boyfriend just by thinking of the other guy.

i don't know how to get over this.

i'm sorry if this is a moaning post.

TelePaul

You cheated and got caught? You're feeling pretty sorry for yourself for a person in that position, no? Did I miss something?

You have to make a call - do you wanna be with your boyfriend or you wanna be with the other guy. ****ing with peoples heads isn't cool.

MagicMarker

Personally, what you did was just as bad, if not worse than having a sexual relationship with another man. You had an emotional connection with this guy, you were not just friends, no matter how you think about it it was much much more than that.

I think you should leave your boyfriend, you obviously don't care all that much for him as you say you do and it's clear you have feelings for this other guy. So just leave, get your own head sorted out.

BAsTid

I agree with Magic on this one, what you have done is probley one of the most hurtful things a guy can have done to him. If your day dreaming about another man, while still with your boyfriend the something isnt right.

You will have to decide to either try repair your boyfriends shattered trust in you or explore this "friendship" as you call it with your college buddy. But be warned, men tend to change when they no longer feel they need to chase after you.

Morzadec

this is a very similar to a situation i was in, and i was the boyfriend.

only thing is that my gf was honest with me and didnt do anything behind my back which im grateful for. but it was very messy cos she had feelings for the both of us. but i suppose she knew deep down she wanted to be with the other guy.

it dosn't sound like you're a bad person just very confused. it sounds like you want to be with your friend so you should probably go ahead and do it. but be straight and honest with both, or else sort out how you feel. its a messy situation and theres no win-win situation but you have to be brave and take a stance.

evil-monkey

you pick - who do you want?? it's as simple as that.

but you have to remember - you and your boyfriend lasted 3 years, you and your friend haven't lasted anything yet. this friend couldn't possibly be sure that he loves you as he says after this amount of time. you and you're friend are simply in a honeymoon stage. sure it might turn out to be the love of your life, but in 3 years you might be thinking, damn i hate this guy.

a long time ago something similar happened to me. i chose the friend. a year later, i couldn't stand her, and we had a messy break up. everyone lost.

1. you cheated on your boyfriend, sex or no sex. (in fact in my book what you did is worse). you're a two-timer, deal with it

2. you have to pick one or the other and stick with it. we all feel strong connections to people both physically and emotionally from time to time but ya have to just grow up, keep the head and try to think rationally. "oh but this was different" - trust me love, no it wasn't

3. you friend's a c**t for going to your boyfriend like that

As regards not sharing all of your interests with your boyfriend - that's not even an issue!! the fact that you can share even a few, is doing very well by most relationships' standards. buddies are for sharing interests, relationships are for a lot more.

i do hope it all works out for you though. whatever happens, don't let it mess with other parts of your life, ie. your studies