No Confidence...help?

LegacyUser

I've recently been going through quite a long spell of a complete lack of confidence. I remember a couple of years ago i was a lot more confident than i am today. I just have zero faith in myself and what i do recently. I'm in a good college studying to get a good degree but over the past two years i've been performing quite poorly in there and now i just can't see myself getting good grades. I've always been among the top 10% of my class but now i'm starting to see myself more like in the bottom 10%. I can't for life get myself to imagine getting my exam results and seeing all honors in them.

I've also never had a job in my life and i'm finding it impossible to believe i can one day get a job and start earning. I just can't imagine that someday i'll be living and independent life in a house and car of my own with a good job and a good pay. I can't even see myself ever owning a car or a house. While by this stage most of my friends are driving around in their own cars, i don't even have a driving license of any sorts. I feel like a 14yr old kid living on my parents money and that i'll never be able to get out of this image and mindset.

But this is my story. I've got zero confidence in myself. I just can't see myself doing things i could have had no problem doing a couple of years ago. I now dread interaction with new people. Even if i speak to them, i can't see myself getting along with them. I refuse any invitations they make asking me out for a drink with them or to a party cuz i just can't get myself to feel comfortable with/around them. Its not just with people, like almost everything i do, i just can't see myself one day becoming good at it. Even though a couple of years ago i believed i was quite good at most things i do and one day i'll be really good at it. Now i just can't get myself to believe i'll be good, strong and powerful one day soon. Even if i work at it constantly, i just can't picture myself being as good as i'ld wanna be. Or should i say i've got little vision for my future cuz i've got zero faith in everything i do. I've got absolutely zero confidence in myself. I can no longer even imagine having a girlfriend and a nice group of friends. I've become quite a loner lately and i just can't see my life and myself getting any better.

I think i've somehow managed to lock away myself in this little box i've created around me and now i can't manage to look past my box and break out of it. I feel like a loser. I can no longer see myself as an achiever. No matter how hard i try, i just can't. I always feel every time i try to get a little higher, gravity pulls me back down hard onto the ground and below. I just can't manage to break out. I just can't. I know its all related to me no longer having any confidence in myself and what i do and i really wanna break out of these barriers i've created for myself. I just don't know how to. I just can't see anything good happening to my life lately. Everything and everyone just seem negative. All my friends seem to be like they're falling away from me. I seem to be getting worse and worse at my college. Even my physical state seems to be deteriorating. My communication skills seem to be becoming less and less fluent. I've lately been finding it even hard to speak. I keep constantly finding myself lost for words. Like just yesterday i couldn't remember a simple word as "remind". And this happens to me on average 5 times a day. I can't seem to remember simple words to put in sentences and i go quiet. Its just really depressing and demotivating. So i'ld love any help. Thanks.

seahorse

OP would you not talk to your doctor about this? If you had a physical complaint you'd be straight down to the doctor, but not enough people treat their mental health with the same diligence. Go and talk to your doctor. You don’t know what your diagnosis may be, perhaps you could be suffering from some form of neurosis or be clinically depressed, you don’t know and you won’t know till you see a professional about it.

All the best to you and I think you should give yourself a pat on the back for recognising that there’s something wrong and posting this thread about it, because that was the first step in seeking to remedy the situation.

entropi

Op, seahorse is right about going to see a qualified professional as a remedy to your problem, the only way for your body to function properly is having a sound mind, body and spirit. I felt alot like you do a few years ago, thought my life was going nowhere, became a loner and was just digging a hole by doing nothing about it, now i went back to college to study something i love, make myself talk to people and constantly try to get through a thick shell i created over time. I really hope you do talk to someone who can help before it can get any worse:) and i'll wish ya good luck with the future.

drunkmonkey

seahorse could be right, but i'd avoid medication at all costs...

I think you need to get a part time job maybe in a pub, you'll meet loads of people of different backgrounds and have a bit of crack, working in that game you'll also realise you not the worst of the bunch....

Pluck yourself up, get a part time job, throw yourself at the word it's a great place you just got to get yourself out there, a job will be your first forray...

Hope it works out for you..Carpe Diem!!

Overheal

I'd avoid the chems myself but that does not rule out seeking help from a doctor, counsellor or a psychologist. Go to your doctor and listen to the methods they recommend - they can also refer you to a reliable mental health specialist. Don't sit around and try and fix this yourself - it may happen given enough time but more than likely you will spend months if not years trying to go that route in my experience.

themadchef

OP it sounds like youve been feeling like this for a while now. Allowing the walls to close in, the box to get smaller week by week, month by month.

If it took years to slowly reach this low point in your life then imo there's not going to be a magical quick fix. Yes, go to your doctor. Anti depressants? really up to you and your doc. The way to look at this is... the only way is up.

Here's the thing im thinking about most...Reading your heartfelt post, you make reference to the fact that "a couple of years ago i was alot more confident than i am today". Can you identify what changed in your life? what happened to shatter your confidence? I would strongly reccomend a counsellor. Talk to someone, anyone..let it out.
Our minds are so powerful, right now youre closing yourself off, shutting yourself out for a reason you may not even fully undestand. Seek professional help.

There is no shame in asking for help. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, the fact that you posted here means you at least recognise you need that help. Your next biggest task imo is picking up that phone and getting your appointment. nothing to lose...everything to gain. You owe it to yourself. Do it for you!

You may find yourself a year down the road, understanding more about yourself, looking back on the past and learning from this experience. Youre young, youre smart...do the smart thing.

Best of luck OP

towel401

still where do you get part time jobs these days with the current economic period of doom? especially with no experience and lots of redundant guys roaming the streets

Thoie

drunkmonkey wrote: »

seahorse could be right, but i'd avoid medication at all costs...

I think that's a little unfair to suggest - perhaps medication is what this person needs? I'm not saying they do need it, but I hope they will take the recommendation of their GP (whatever it might be) rather than feel there is something "bad" about medications.

This isn't a personal attack on anyone who would avoid them - for the record, I disagree with the "pill for every ill" school of thought, but it also bothers me when I hear people dismissing medicines out of hand as well. Some people don't need/want to take paracetamol for a headache, but it doesn't mean that they don't provide benefits for other people.

TheMelodyOfRain

Retail, Call Centers, Banks, AA Insurance, Sales & Marketing...I know thats probably not what you want, but sometimes you need a job to get a job if you know what I mean. Take anything going, stick at it for a few months and give it your all, then apply to something you'd prefer. That way you'll have experience and a good reference behind you. If you can manage to give a good interview and get hired, then this will definitely give a huge boost to your confidence.

LegacyUser

Thanks you all for all the responses.

I don't know if i need a doctor for what i'm going through. Like i don't really think i'm mentally ill. I just feel i could do with some moral boosts and maybe somehow if i can manage to feel better and comfortable about myself and who i am.

I can't even see how my doctor could help me out with this thing... I'm not a big fan of anti-depressants either. Actually i'm not depressed at all. I think i'm pretty fine with where my life is. Its just the whole confidence issue. It seems to be ruining everything!

All those things i mentioned are probably just a result of my low self-esteem which has been causing my low confidence.

About jobs, i've never worked in my life so i have absolutely zero experience and from what i herd, its not easy getting a job in these days, especially if someone like me with zero experience. I don't mind working in a store or anything. I think i'm pretty intelligent and have a good knowledge of things to be able to do many kinds of jobs. Its just that i feel my lack of experience and shyness holds me back.

I don't really feel too confident speaking to people. And i've also been noticing my speech has been getting worse. I think its a result of my spending too much time by myself without much interaction and talking to others. I'm finding it progressively harder and harder to find words and even pronounce certain words.

This whole zero confidence thing feels like a whole new downward circle to my life.

drunkmonkey

lockedinabox wrote: »

This whole zero confidence thing feels like a whole new downward circle to my life.

still reckon you should get a job in a pub, you'd have no bother just go in and ask at the bar....bet if you go in and ask at 10 pubs at least one will say yes..it'll be a great confidence boost as well...just what you need..

Bono had it pretty bang on when he said...

if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass

It's just a moment

This time will pass"