Bothered by friend's treatment of women

LegacyUser

I'm extremely bothered by one of my best friend's treatment of women.

He has a girlfriend, who is a lovely girl. However, he tries it on with nearly every single woman he meets.

In general he seems sound and has been a good friend for the past year but whenever we are out doing anything from nosing around shops to having a pint he will be eyeing up nearly every girl he sees. He will also chat up whoever he thinks he has a chance with. All the while, staying with the girlfriend despite his claims he is always attempting to leave her.

He always says things aren't working out with his girlfriend and that he will leave her but things keep getting in the way: her grandmother falling sick, her needing to pass her driving test to get her job etc etc. He's been using these excuses for months now.

If he liked one particular girl then sound, but he seems to keep a "pool" of potential women who he thinks he has a chance with and would most likely go for any of them who he thinks is an easy target. Was always in the shop I worked in over the summer perving over the ladies.

I was out the other night and met a girl who upon hearing I was friends with him, told me he tries it on with everyone, sadly I already knew this as well as him having tried it on with her. Went downstairs to see him trying to chat up yet another girl. Went back an hour or so later and yes, he was trying it again with someone else.


Basically, this bothers me. His girlfriend doesn't deserve any of this and I don't get why he keeps saying he's wanting to dump her while staying with her and attempting to cheat on her. I was walking home with another friend last night and he was a bit tipsy but came out with something fairly profound: "he's a sound guy but with the way he treats his girlfriend, you'd never be able to trust him"

Mr Benevolent

"Bothered by friend's treatment of women"... hmmm, funny, you don't give any evidence that your friend is treating women badly except that he's flirting with most of them. Is that bad treatment in your book? I flirt with my girlfriend all the time and she's never once complained.

Talk to him about it or something - there's plenty of people who prefer to have more then one partner. He can do whatever the hell he wants within the limits of the law. Don't stick your nose where it's not needed.

seahorse

OP, your friend is a prick. I've really nothing else to say.

Carrigart Exile

Bluesteel wrote: »

I'm extremely bothered by one of my best friend's treatment of women.

He has a girlfriend, who is a lovely girl. However, he tries it on with nearly every single woman he meets.

In general he seems sound and has been a good friend for the past year but whenever we are out doing anything from nosing around shops to having a pint he will be eyeing up nearly every girl he sees. He will also chat up whoever he thinks he has a chance with. All the while, staying with the girlfriend despite his claims he is always attempting to leave her.

He always says things aren't working out with his girlfriend and that he will leave her but things keep getting in the way: her grandmother falling sick, her needing to pass her driving test to get her job etc etc. He's been using these excuses for months now.

If he liked one particular girl then sound, but he seems to keep a "pool" of potential women who he thinks he has a chance with and would most likely go for any of them who he thinks is an easy target. Was always in the shop I worked in over the summer perving over the ladies.

I was out the other night and met a girl who upon hearing I was friends with him, told me he tries it on with everyone, sadly I already knew this as well as him having tried it on with her. Went downstairs to see him trying to chat up yet another girl. Went back an hour or so later and yes, he was trying it again with someone else.


Basically, this bothers me. His girlfriend doesn't deserve any of this and I don't get why he keeps saying he's wanting to dump her while staying with her and attempting to cheat on her. I was walking home with another friend last night and he was a bit tipsy but came out with something fairly profound: "he's a sound guy but with the way he treats his girlfriend, you'd never be able to trust him"

I think you are in love with his girlfriend.

Marksie

What are you asking OP?

You are not responsible for another persons behaviour only your own.

So what exactly is YOUR issue here? Are you planning to confront him? tell his girlfriend?

If not and it bothers you, then simply dont associate with him any more.

LegacyUser

No, I have no designs on his girlfriend. And no, I don't intend telling her.

It's not that he's flirting with every female he sees: he tries it on with them, all the while staying with his girlfriend who has no clue what's going on. I met a group of girls who he had tried it on with (all of them)
Again, if he liked one girl and went for her: fine, but he attempts to sleep with seemingly everyone with a uterus he comes across.

My issue here is that I'm bothered about this. It's none of my business and yet I feel fairly squirmy about the whole thing.
I mentioned to him once that the way he's acting is a bit off and got the whole "Oh, I'm waiting to finish things but now's not the time"
He's been saying this for months.

Jack Sheehan

What Marksie said, not really your buisness.

luckat

Why is he your friend?

Big Knox

Have you ever seen him do anything other then "try it on"? Has he actually cheated on her?

If he has then all your points are valid but unfortunatly it's not your problem man, I know it's messed up but I wouldn't get involved apart from have a world with him and tell him what you personally think of how he carries on.

Whatever you do don't say anything to his girlfriend and tbh if he's as bad as you say she will eventually figure it out herself.

ChRoMe

its really none of your business.

TheZohanS

bluesteel wrote: »

No, I have no designs on his girlfriend. And no, I don't intend telling her.

he attempts to sleep with seemingly everyone with a uterus he comes across.

My issue here is that I'm bothered about this. It's none of my business and yet I feel fairly squirmy about the whole thing.
I mentioned to him once that the way he's acting is a bit off and got the whole "Oh, I'm waiting to finish things but now's not the time"
He's been saying this for months.

Do you fancy him yourself OP?

drunkmonkey

Keep out of your friends love life, That's his personal issue not yours...

The worst thing you can do is meddle in his relationship, One of the best things about being a guy is chasing girls, your friend seems perfectly normal...

Wibbs

You're not your brothers keeper etc.

Buzz Buzz

I bet your single. And it sounds like this guy is confident, charming and self assured.. which leads me to conclude your jealous.

Frelance

It sounds to me like he's trying to find a new girlfriend before he moves on from his last one. That would explain the lame excuses hes giving you.

drunkmonkey

OP's are all correct...

I remember a good few years ago I was kinda acting like your friend, wanted to leave the mrs, I was chatting up everthing that moved.......The girlfriend swang round to me one day and said do you know your friend X thinks you don't treat me right, flirt with other girls and he thinks that I should go out with him instead because he'll treat me right.........Now my girlfriend was no angel but she knew that's not something friends do to each other.......
That bloke it not my mate anymore.......he's very lucky I didn't string him at the time....complete wanker for messing in my affairs.....I hope you see my point here!

Zillah

drunkmonkey wrote: »

I hope you see my point here!

Assholes don't like being called assholes?

drunkmonkey

Zillah wrote: »

Assholes don't like being called assholes?

ahh nope, you missed it..

LegacyUser

Buzz Buzz wrote: »

I bet your single. And it sounds like this guy is confident, charming and self assured.. which leads me to conclude your jealous.

His success rate is extremely low. Out of the constant attempts, he has only managed to cheat the odd time.
But if you believing that the reason I'd find his actions off is down to jealousy, and it makes you feel better about yourself then go for it.

No, jealousy is not the issue here.

TheZohan wrote: »

Do you fancy him yourself OP?

No.


Thanks for the replies, I agree it isn't my business but this does bother me. I'd definetly not say anything to his gf. I do have some loyalty.

Handsome Bob

Buzz Buzz wrote: »

I bet your single. And it sounds like this guy is confident, charming and self assured.. which leads me to conclude your jealous.

I don't think he is jealous, I think he is annoyed at the way his friend is treating his girlfriend, who he is showing no respect towards. If this guy was playing the field while SINGLE, I would agree that the OP is jealous. But that is not the case.

Originally posted by drunk monkey
Keep out of your friends love life, That's his personal issue not yours...

The worst thing you can do is meddle in his relationship, One of the best things about being a guy is chasing girls, your friend seems perfectly normal...

Again, this is not a case of a single bloke playing the field. One of the best things about being a guy is chasing girls, but not when you've already got a girl, it's just a low and a totally selfish thing to do.

OP, I've got a mate who is very like your mate. But I don't get involved for two reasons; I'm not going to judge him because he's been a good friend to me and secondly, his girlfriend should be able to realise herself that she deserves better. Just let it go mate.

Lockstep

LZ5by5 wrote: »

I his girlfriend should be able to realise herself that she deserves better.

Excellent advice there.

ron_darrell

Very easy to see only one point of view here. You're not giving the complete story on this friend of yours. Sometimes what happens now has a lot to do with what happened before. Maybe the guy's been messed around in the past and is trying to lessen future blows by not relying on just one person. Girls are exactly dependable these days. At the end of the day, this is between him & his girlfriend & none of your beeswax. If you're not happy with how he lives his life, that's your hang-up. Deal with it. Either get over it or don't hang out with this guy anymore. Those are your options.

LegacyUser

first of all i feel sorry for the girlfriends or future girlfriends of some of the people who replied to the post because not only do they seem to see no harm in hooking up with someone else whilst in a relationship but the implications seem to be that the OP is a nosey rat because he has a bit of sympathy for the girl in question when in fact he seems to be the more decent person in this situation.
OP your friend seems to be very set in his ways but I think you should still talk to him and ask why he is doing this maybe your questioning might help him to realise something and even if he doesnt listen to you at least you will have a clear conscience that you did try.

vorbis

OP theres really only one thing you can do here if it bothers you a lot, cut off contact from your friend. I don't get some of the other responses accusing you of being meddlesome. Your friend is showing some awful character traits.

Any normal person would be worried about seeing that kind of behavior in a friend. Furthermore if a friend sees nothing wrong with such behavior it does lead you to question their entire moral view. Your friend's comment about being able to trust your friend is on the money. Bad character traits are bad character traits.

melekalikimaka

your describing a friend of mine... all i cn say is fair balls to him, long may he get away with it

MJOR

I'm not sure how it's affecting you but maybe just butt out. Don't be a hater. If his GF can't see it then i pity the fool.

Tupins

God Almighty - I'm so shocked by the people on here. If a friends behaviour is really bothering this person then of course it's his business. What if the OP starts seeing someone - he'll be afraid to introduce this person to her and rightly so!

So what you're all saying is, that if a friend does something you dissaprove of then its none of your business. Does that go for anything, can they sell drugs, commit violent crimes, abuse children? Where would you draw the line at turning the other cheek???

Of course there are plenty of you who will laud this kind of behaviour, no doubt he's a 'legend' to some of you saddo's and no one wants to be the one to stand up and say that they actually don't agree with it (incase people might think they are 'ghey' ) so fair play OP for having the balls to take a stand.

You need to be careful OP because whether it's fair or not, people are judged by the company they keep. I don't know if you are single but if you are, any potential girlfriends may be put off by your friends reputation and thinking that since you are a friend of his that you act the same.

The rest of ye - ye give decent men a bad name.

Colonel_McCoy

Sounds like he is doing the monkey trick...........not letting go of one branch until he has another one to hold onto.

Dont think its any of your business really either, he can live his live any ways he wants. Dont see how this affects you

rainbowchild

Bluesteel wrote: »

I'm extremely bothered by one of my best friend's treatment of women.

He has a girlfriend, who is a lovely girl. However, he tries it on with nearly every single woman he meets.

In general he seems sound and has been a good friend for the past year but whenever we are out doing anything from nosing around shops to having a pint he will be eyeing up nearly every girl he sees. He will also chat up whoever he thinks he has a chance with. All the while, staying with the girlfriend despite his claims he is always attempting to leave her.

He always says things aren't working out with his girlfriend and that he will leave her but things keep getting in the way: her grandmother falling sick, her needing to pass her driving test to get her job etc etc. He's been using these excuses for months now.

If he liked one particular girl then sound, but he seems to keep a "pool" of potential women who he thinks he has a chance with and would most likely go for any of them who he thinks is an easy target. Was always in the shop I worked in over the summer perving over the ladies.

I was out the other night and met a girl who upon hearing I was friends with him, told me he tries it on with everyone, sadly I already knew this as well as him having tried it on with her. Went downstairs to see him trying to chat up yet another girl. Went back an hour or so later and yes, he was trying it again with someone else.


Basically, this bothers me. His girlfriend doesn't deserve any of this and I don't get why he keeps saying he's wanting to dump her while staying with her and attempting to cheat on her. I was walking home with another friend last night and he was a bit tipsy but came out with something fairly profound: "he's a sound guy but with the way he treats his girlfriend, you'd never be able to trust him"

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

Wagon

rainbowchild wrote: »

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

Ah yes *high five*

I agree he's being a muppet, but there's no way of intervening here without it ending badly for you, so let him make a balls of things and learn from his own mistakes. Then bring him for a pint, a kick up the hole and cheer him up cos that's what mates do.

beth-lou

Your friend is an idiot. Hopefully his girlfriend will cop on and he'll get what he deserves.

Anyone, male or female, who treats their partner like that is showing a real lack of character and a very selfish streak. Your other friend is right, you probably couldn't trust him as he seems to have the ability to switch off his conscience on a regular basis and sounds quite selfish.

But he is your mate, and I don't really know what you can do other than telling him that you're unimpressed and dissappointed by his behaviour. He is an adult after all and he may well continue this pattern throughout his life, even when married. You either accept that he wants his cake anywhere he can get it or lose the friendship.

A Primal Nut

Sounds like a pure legend!

Seriously, i think there is a guy like this in every group; the kinda guy who goes around every girl in the place trying to score. I've done it myself when I'm hammered. it seems from your post he isn't having much success with these other girls. In which case, I would be the one laughing my ass off.

The fact he has a girlfriend makes it a bit bad i guess, but tbh ive never heard of a guy being annoyed at a guy friend chatting up other women. Thats the kinda **** that goes on between girls. "OMG, she's always talking to other guys, she craves attention, blablabla". I've never heard of a guy being mad at other guy chatting up women; I really don't know what your agenda is in writing this post.

Even if you do talk to him whats it going to achieve. He's not going to listen. This isn't the kinda stuff guys want advice from their friends about.

Yes it is wrong what hes doing to his girlfriend but I'm sure she'll figure it out eventually, maybe she is one of the girls often talked about on boards who like being treated like ****.

Edit: Just thought of something else. See the opportunity, not the threat. Half the battle with getting girls is having the balls to open the group. This guy can do all the hard work approaching the group then you simply swoop in and pick off one of her hot friends. Only if your single, of course!