I dislike a 'friend' of mine

LegacyUser

Okay so we're a bunch of guys that have hung out since school.. we're all in our late 20's and in recent years I've become increasingly frustrated with two of the lads.

"John" never reveals anything about himself - he never goes into any personal info and not that I need to know all about his personal life, it's like dragging blood out of a stone at times.

"Mike" is similar and everytime I meet him it's like being introduced for the first time - he never has anything to say and never profers much info either - it's like there's no rapport. Each time is such an effort.

Now, I have been hanging with them for about 10 years on and off and in recent years have taken up a few new hobbies and through work have met and made some really good friends and worse (or better) I get on better and have more fun with people I;ve known for less time - as in I can have a better laugh with and chats to people I've known for months who share common interests with me.

Or I meet an old friend I haven't seen in months and we start up where we left off.....

With them, there's plenty of conversation, witty banter and we have a good laugh.

With these two old mates, it's always hard work. Sounds ridiculous I know. Maybe there;s the problem - I don't feel I have a lot in common with them other than familiarity and other friends.

But recently, it's come to a bit of a head. While I was happy enough in the past hanging with these guys, now I do not want to. The thoughts of spending another night out with them just does not appeal. And when I come back from nights out with new friends it even makes me think more about not wanting to hang out with my old friends.

They're nice lads - genuinely nice just not my type of people - I've always known this, just I have tried to ignore it in the past.

What's worse, I'm getting annoyed and frustrated with them now and think it might be showing at times. And I'm also getting annoyed with myself.

The other lads are grand and we get on well.

So, my issue here is how do I spend less time with my old friends from home without upsetting people - or do I just suit myself and get on with it? Or just cut down on the number of times I see them?

Has anyone been through something similar and how did they deal with it?

Rosso

kowtowpow wrote: »

Or I meet an old friend I haven't seen in months and we start up where we left off.....

With these two old mates, it's always hard work. Sounds ridiculous I know. Maybe there;s the problem - I don't feel I have a lot in common with them other than familiarity and other friends.

But recently, it's come to a bit of a head. While I was happy enough in the past hanging with these guys, now I do not want to. The thoughts of spending another night out with them just does not appeal. And when I come back from nights out with new friends it even makes me think more about not wanting to hang out with my old friends.

They're nice lads - genuinely nice just not my type of people - I've always known this, just I have tried to ignore it in the past.

What's worse, I'm getting annoyed and frustrated with them now and think it might be showing at times. And I'm also getting annoyed with myself.

The other lads are grand and we get on well.

So, my issue here is how do I spend less time with my old friends from home without upsetting people - or do I just suit myself and get on with it? Or just cut down on the number of times I see them?

Has anyone been through something similar and how did they deal with it?

Your problem is not unusual. People change as they grow up and grow older. You met your friends in school and now you're a different person, with nothing in common with your old school friends. No big deal! Happens everyday! No need to get frustrated or annoyed with yourself. Move on with your life. I am not saying disown your friends completely but don't try so hard and stress yourself trying to accommodate them in your life. I'm sure your old friends have their own lifes now and happy with where they are.

Sugar Drunk

what happens in this kind of situation is that people feel that just because they were friends with someone years ago when they were younger - they are indebted to be friends for life and to make aan effort to maintain it. The truth is, friendships are like relationships, they can and do sometimes run their course. This can be particularly true where it was a common interest of place that beough you together in the first place - i.e. school, a holiday, a job etc. take away the common interest and sometimes theres not enough left for a lasting friendship.

If you don't want to be close friends with these guys - then don't! Theres no rule to say you have to be. maybe just distance yourself a bit and go out with them less often? That way you are still friends but its not a constant thing. Life is too short to spend your time with people whose company you have not enjoyed for a long time.

fasty

This has happened to me in the past. As has been said... People change. I've known a few of my friends for over 20 years, but some of them I feel I don't know at all any more.

Don't feel bad about not hanging out with them, it doesn't make you a bad person. As much as you should take other people's feelings into account, you should always suit yourself first and foremost!

Wing Walker

Yeah, got to agree with the "people changing over time" answer. It happens to us all, and it will continue to do so.

For my own part, I know very few of the people that I used to hang around with when I was under say 20. The same is true of people I used to work with through the years. You might hear from them occasionally through social networking sites or meet them in the street, but by then it's a case of nice pleasantries and little more. Don't feel too bad about it.

Recently enough, like the last 2/3 years, I began to have less and less contact with what I would have thought were some really good friends. They spent less time with me and, as a consequence, I with them. I feel a little sad about that, especially since we had all been through a lot of growing pains together. But that's life. You try and move one, which you have.

Don't feel bad about it. If you meet "John" and "Mike" on the street, say hello, have a quick chat but leave it at that. If you meet them with larger group of friends, again, say hello but don't linger too much.

Life really is too short to worry about this kind of stuff. Do you judge a man by the number of "friends" he has or the richness of a few choice relationships? I firmly believe, like my old english teacher used to say, it's all about quality not quantity.

Hope it works out for you. All the best.

LegacyUser

Cheers for the advice.

I think the main problem is that my best mate is friends with them. He doesn't quite see wherre I'm coming from. Or he does and just goes "but they're friends". I on the other hand don't see it as friendship - more as acquaintances who I just happen to hang around with.

I'd have no major problems slowly severing ties .... or maybe just see them every few weeks and just be busy doing and organising things I'd rather be doing and suiting myself.

I've been fighting it for years - time to do it I guess.