Please help me with this...

LegacyUser

Hi I earn approx 28.5k a year plus quarterly bonuses, these bonuses are performance related so could be anywhere from 0 to 4k. After tax I come away with 2k per month, and usually about an extra 1.5k every quarter.

Long story short me and my partner broke up recently and even though we agreed on 360 a month (informally, and without paperwork, yes I'm stupid) she's now brught me to court for maintenance. I have her by the so and so's for reasons I won't mention but what irks me is that this money is for my girl, not for her...and 360 a month plus paying for clothes, is, in my humble opinion, alot considering how expensive it can be paying rent and loans and credit cards (alot of which was accumulated during our relationship by her, but that's another story)>

I'll never let my girl suffer cos of me and her mom's feud. I love the little dote, she's only 7 months old and I've been granted very little access so far, so it's hard for me to be happy most days. It's deprssing actually. But I'll save it for another thread.

Basically I'm looking for anyone who's had experience in dealing with the family courts re: maintenance, specifically how they assess income and outgoings.Will they allow for the hundred-odd per month I spend on public transport to and from work? Will I be allowed money for entertainment (Im talking 50 a week here, nothing extravagant). Money for lunch, etc...will the courts be fair and not drag unnecessary money out of my pockets when I'm trying to save for me and for the girl's future education and for a home so when I get partial custody, I have somewhere nice to take her...

Also the solicitors letter listed expenses for the family---car loans, 200 per month electricity, way-out-of-this-world figures that just don't add up. I mean, 250 per month on clothes and creams, and then 50 a monthon clothes again??? Plus she told me she got the car for free, so can I request proof of this so called loan? And really, this loan isn't to do with me...baby or no she'd have the car anyway, and as I said, the car was bought for her. Maybe I could request proofof the loan?

I'm just scattered here. Normally after day-to-day expenses and bills and rent and the 360 a month and the 200 a month I'm putting away for my girl, I have very little left...I'm not being greedy, but i THINK THE MOM IS.

LegacyUser

Get a solicitor and get professional advice.

She Devil

Ok, i am not qualified no way to comment on the legal side of things or how much maintenance is feasible, but in my opinion €90 a week is not much to keep a child, they are very demanding, and it isnt going to get any cheaper as she gets older. The little girl is the main concern here, think of her future before her parents go tearing each other apart over money.

charliecon

The best thing you can do is get yourself a good family law solicitor .AFAIK unmarried fathers do not have automatic access rights to their children so I would be making sure that payment of any maintenace by me was dependent on me getting access. A solicitor will be able to advise you fully on all you need to know. Hope it works out ok for you

Cazlou

You could also contact Treoir http://www.treoir.ie/ in the meantime, they deal with unmarried parents, and have brochures and info to download on the website or you can drop into their offices in the IFSC (over the Spar) at almost any time. The staff are really knowledgeable and can give you great help as to how these things (mediation, maintenance, access etc..) work

Best of luck OP

The Sweeper

As others have said, seek advice from a solicitor.

Maintenance has never been about how much it costs to keep a child. It's about how much it costs to keep the child AND the child's primary carer, who because she's caring for YOUR child, cannot work.

Marksie

The advice given is the best. Also never assume you have anyone by the short and curlies until they are well and truly trimmed.
The legal system may view things differently than you do.

If you have ideas and plans of action, you can be assured she has, and if she is taking you for maintainence then she has in all likelihood already engaged the services of a professional.

Juts go to a family law solicitor and listen to what he/she has to say

not yet

In a simular situation a few years back and believe me if you go to court you'll be raped, Try with everything you have to get an agreement with your ex.

90euro a week may seem a lot to you but a court will not see it that way, their main concern is what it takes to live for your ex and child. In theory you could easily end up paying 200+. Your standard of living is of no interest to the family courts. It may be hard,you may have to bite your lip but I promise you if you can sort it out with your ex its best all round.

Access to your child is a different kettle of fish, and will be dealt with slightly seperate to maintenance.

Again with all the expense involved I'd advise mediation.

Good luck.

Nevyn

The family law courts can not award more then 150 euro per week, please do not muddle the issue with flase information not yet.

not yet

I'm talking from experience, I earned 52k a year at the time and was told including maintenance,plus contribution to bills etc I could be looking at 300 a week.

not yet

Thaedydal wrote: »

The family law courts can not award more then 150 euro per week, please do not muddle the issue with flase information not yet.

By the way when was the last time you were in the family law court.

LegacyUser

Fair play u give more than most - ive split from my guy and we have a son and he hasnt given me a penny, clothes, nappies nothing. I think ur more than generous no offence but the stupid bitch is just being greddy- stand up for yourself. Instead of giving her money for clothes and stuff take the wee one shopping and buy the things you want. Always think of alternatives of giving her money - cos woen like that are just greedy and make the rest of us look bad. Best of luck. x

Mr. Incognito

The maximum that the district court can
order from either parent is €150 per week for each child. There is no limit in the
circuit/high courts. The maximum lump sum the district court can award is €4,000.

€600 a months is the maximum payment. Plus a lump sum of €4000.

Here's some info:

http://www.apogee.ie/clients/treoir/pdfs/maintenance.pdf

Get a solicitor.

LegacyUser

I'm afraid its not good m8. I've been in and out of the family courts for the past 8 years my daughter is 11 now. The courts will award maintenance based on your available income after all expenses have been take into account.

Maintenance in various courts
Where parties cannot agree maintenance, it is necessary to apply to the District
or Circuit Court depending on the amount of maintenance being sought.

At present, (October 2002) the District Court may award any amount up to €500.00 per week for a spouse and €150.00 per week for each child. If greater amounts are sought, it is necessary to apply to the Circuit Court.

Both the District and Circuit Court can make lump sum orders for maintenance although, at present, the District Court cannot make an order for more than €6348.69eur.


So few pointers:-

1. Seek advice from a solicitor you'll need it, i cant stress this enough
2. Fact is your the bad guy in the judges eyes be prepared.(****, I know but Fact)
3. List all of your expenses and have them ready for court
4. Ensure you have a record\paper trail of all payments(pay with a standing order)
5. Apply for guardianship & Access. If you supporting your child financially you'll get access,unless your a total tit.
7. Work out the times in advance with work so you have a schedule to take your daughter.
and have itr ready for your court date.


Above all be prepared do you home work..Know what you want.. stay focused.. dont ever lose your rag in court.. and remember this is about maintaining a relationship with your child and supporting her both emotionally and financially dont let silly arguements side track you.

Goodluck man...

Shellymcg

Ok i don't know the full story but i'm shocked an disgusted at what i do know. Can't believe she's demandin that much money off you, she should be ashamed of herself. You're that little girl's daddy an she'll never want for anything with you in her life i'm sure so paying her mother a ridiculous amount of money for her to spend on herself is very unfair. I recently broke up with my baby's father and i would never deny him access to him, we're both his parents so we share him pretty much equally. It's all about him at the end of the day and his needs are the most important so i believe no amount of money from his father could be anywhere near the precious time he gets with him. I get €50 a week off him and it does me, perhaps when i need more for schooll and stuff i'll ask him but for now him being a good dad to my little boy is all i need.
I can't offer you any legal advice but i really do wish you all the best

LegacyUser

I can't even imagine what that has been like for you.

I'm with my partner a long time and my god his ex is a bitch .Only until I met him he was afraid to go to court and he seen his little girl at the MOTHERS convienence,ie when she wanted to go out shopping for the day .She soon was ringing verbally attacking me and my parther.He finally went to court the judge awarded him ONE day a week which was fine but then because she is jealous and a bit on the mad side she wanted me not to see the little girl.Me who has given the child so much love and attention .

THe judge said no way I could see the child and the dad pays maintainace so that was all fine .The last few weeks have been hell.She has another child with another man and I don't think she gives him any trouble.She told her daughter who is 4 by the way the following which she repeated back to me and her nana ''My mammy said your stopping my daddy form seeing me'' ''My mammy said you always break your promises daddy''-nice eh??

Anyway she has been messing his access up oh she ''doesnt want to come down'' etc ..then last week brought the child away and when he went to get the child and rang to see what was going on she said 'oh you said you didnt want to have her'' ...mental I know.He pays mainteneance of 350e every month ,loves his little girl and whats happening now??-can't see her over xmas?

I wrote the little girl a santa letter agreeing with the mam during a good patch that santa was coming to her place and me and my partners.She went crazy when the little girl brought home the letter ''Santa'' wrote back and said how dare I say santa is coming to mine santa is going to her REAL HOME.SHe has arrived and shouted abuse at her childs father and has posioned this poor little girls mind.He can't buy her toys withour hassle or sweets ,can't bring her swimming and can't see her at xmas ?Nice isn't she?......back to court we go ..