To be or not to be?

af_thefragile

Well, i've been thinking and contemplating this over the past couple of weeks now. And no, don't worry, i'm not talking about ending my life.

Ya see, i'm a musician but lately i haven't been too good at it cuz i haven't done much towards it over the past year. I had a few personal worries and college exams stress, i barely played or practiced anything.
As a consequence now that i pick up my guitar to play it or i sit in front of my computer, i kinda suck!!

Well, now thats not my main problem. I've been looking to start a band over the past months and i wasn't able to get anywhere at it cuz of my exams. But as now i was done with my exams, i started getting back into it and all. I got this bassist friend that i've got quite committed towards it and also put up a couple of adds looking for musicians. I got a couple of replies and it all seemed fine.

But here's the problem. Now that its about time to put it all together, i don't feel i'm ready for it. Both musically and mentally. Lately i suck as a musician and i don't think i'll be able to form a decent band together at this point and it could all end up in a massive failure.

And here's my dilemma. I've sorta made haste towards the whole project and now i feel if i drop out i might feel like a quitter and would screw up my reputation. I even feel if i just grab my pair and get on with the whole thing, it might just work out and if i step back, i might lose a lot of confidence in myself. Though even if i decide to go ahead with it, with me not being prepared enough for it, i'll cock it all up and well, it could end up pretty bad.

So this is the story. I feel like a failed musician. I've got half a band that i've committed towards but now feel i should step back from it or atleast hold it off for a couple of months. But i feel if i do that, it'll damage my reputation, piss off my bassist friend and damage my confidence in managing to become a good musician.

Right now i anyway don't feel much confident about it myself. Due to my lack of practice over the last year, my musical abilities suck. I don't feel i'm good enough to be in a band right now. I don't feel i'm mentally prepared to be in one either. I'ld like to take some time off to work on my skills and become a better musician but i don't wanna feel like a loser or a quitter or a failure.

I need some motivation and what should i do?!
Thanks...

dr.bollocko

Im a guitarist and all mate. I know what it's like to put the ole baby down for a few months, and then when you start up again you are surprised at how much you suck. But if you persevere playing a few tunes you know for 5 or 6 hours straight you can get it back quite quickly. You really can.
Also starting a new band is a difficult process. It's a time to gel with the other musicians and a lot of the first few rehearsals are often mostly spent all talking and minimal playing. Even if you arent up to scratch you can put a few chords together towards an original, and playing with others is without doubt the best way to motivate yourself towards playing better, and you learn more from other like minded musicians.
So you say you are a musician. And you have put the time in to get the exams and the practical stuff out of the way. And now you have the chance to change tack and get back to what you love. Really all it is is a crisis of confidence and you really need to just get through that, and do not flake out because I guarantee you will only regret it. You know yourself that the musician is in there somewhere and it only takes practice and gelling with a few other musicians to get it back in your soul and your fingers. Absolutely join that band, and dont treat it like a challenge, it is just an opportunity to pursue something you have always wanted to do.

af_thefragile

Thanks for that mate.
I think i've kinda got lost over why i wanted to form the band in the first place.
It was for the sole purpose of having fun. It wasn't supposed to be challenging or anything.
I actually wanted to get together a few like minded musicians who didn't need to be great at what they did and make some noise. Just something to have fun with and get along/gel with each other so we could have fun making music and all.

But too soon it all turned into a complex musical project where i got myself under the stress of preparing a demo track to audition musicians with to find the perfect musicians that can fit in the band. I guess i was doing it all wrong!!

I need to re work this whole thing n bring it back to what it was originally intended to be. A band to have fun with. I've got my more serious solo project for the proper music stuff.

I think its all down the the low confidence level i found myself at when i picked up the guitar after a long dry spell. I also realised i'm not as good a musician and i've got a lot to learn so i've decided to seriously start practicing everyday.

And about the band, i think i've gotta reword it all again to make it just something to have fun with. I never quite intended for it to become all to serious and stressful.

dr.bollocko

Good call. Serious and stressful is the exact opposite of what a band is supposed to be about. But sher just bring along a few brews and talk to the guys, see if they want a bit of fun or if they want to get straight into gigging etc. At least if there are two of you jamming and just jamming that is something.

af_thefragile

Yeah, i guess i really need to start looking at it from a better point of view.
Screw the demo tracks n audition, just get em guys together n make some noise and see how it all goes!!

nyarlothothep

I know what you're talking about. I gave up art for 5 years, but I did drawings sporadically, until 2007 when I stopped completely. When I went back to it I thought I had lost my ability but within 2-3 weeks I got it back. It was quite unsettling.

As a musician too I've gone through something similar. Have went through a lot of crap with my original band, looked intensively for musicians but it never amounted to anything. I believe in my music 100% but I just can't find musicians on the same wavelength, its a case of a fundamental difference in terms of musical approaches.

A few years back setting up a stable band was the primary objective. "The band" accounted for 70% of my daily thoughts. I'd rather let a band happen now than forcing one to come into existence because I think the best bands are ones formed among friends. I was fixated with success as well, that too is gone. I remember watching patti smith respond to a question from Jools Holland about succeeding in music. She stated that a person should just keep plugging along but shouldn't fixate on being a success or getting a record deal. At the time I disagreed, but now I realize she was completely right. For me music is a personal expression, you don't need someone else to validate it with their approval. Secondly the music industry is a joke with the amount of crap musicians producing retro fixated rubbish and inane chart fodder. So I don't take it seriously at all. The cultural politics of music are irrelevant to me, and hopefully it will stay that way (for example x music is no longer cool, 80s dance funk is now cool, play this and jump on the bandwagon). So basically music should be fun and about chilling out while making new musical discoveries and blah. Once it starts turning into a chore there's no point to it.

af_thefragile

Totally dude!!

I've been in bands before that barely could hang together even when we were all pretty good musicians. The bassist was amazing (he was a brilliant guitarist and producer too), the drummer was one of the best in my college and also a really good friend of mine. It all seemed as the perfect band with the perfect members but it could never take off cuz although we were pretty good with what we did and were also good friends, we were very different people with very different fundamental approaches towards it all.

People say its hard to make it big in the music industry cuz you'ld have to be insanely good or have to be really lucky or have to have a lot of money and contacts to make it.
I always said that was total bollocks!
The only reason most bands don't make it anywhere significant is cuz they don't last as long or the band members can't get along well with each other to make good music while keeping a healthy relationship within the band.
I've seen many bands (including mine) wither away just cuz the members couldn't get along with each other as a band.

Music and forming a successful band is about forming a good relationship between the band mates. They've gotta be able to become good friends and be able to get along with each other really well not just making music but with pretty much everything else. If they can't get along, the band just want last and you're better off doing it all yourself and hiring session musicians to play your stuff during gigs like what Trent Reznor does in NIN (although he has managed to develop a really good relationship with all of his session musicians).

Band and music making shouldn't be work. It needs to be fun and just like playing a sport, you're not doing it all the time to just win matches and make money, a lot of time its just cuz you love the sport and like to be a part of a team. Winning and losing is secondary.


Guess i just kept getting myself lost in all these things and soon everything from my band to my guitar became a chore i was running away from than looking forward towards it and working at it!!