What to do?

generic1 · 09-10-2008 1:20am #1

Is it really possible to remain friends with an ex that you still feel strongly towards when they make you feel like you're their muse and thats it?

LemonyFresh · 09-10-2008 1:25am

Maybe you could shed more light on the specifics of the situation/break-up etc.?

Muse in what sense?

generic1 · 09-10-2008 1:32am

One moment she'll be all cuddly or even do something to get me turned on, poke at my crotch laugh and say 'sorry i didnt know it would do that' and other days she's cold as an executioner. There doesnt seem to be any middle ground.

LemonyFresh · 09-10-2008 1:38am

generic1 wrote: »

One moment she'll be all cuddly or even do something to get me turned on, poke at my crotch laugh and say 'sorry i didnt know it would do that' and other days she's cold as an executioner. There doesnt seem to be any middle ground.

OP, is this your ex or your girlfriend or what? Seems a bit blurry to be carrying on like that with an ex! Clean breaks are hard and hurtful, but they do help in head wrecking/mixed signal situations.

Still not very sure what exactly the story is here/what you're seeking, so apologies if I'm completely off the mark

generic1 · 09-10-2008 1:44am

Thats where I'm at exactly, don't know what she thinks is going on or even what she wants, and its driving me insane. In addition to this when shes nice shes nice, when she's being cold she tends to say things, which to me seem like she's just trying to make me feel like ****.

FearDark · 09-10-2008 1:56am

She's playing with you. Its bloody hard, trust me but you must cut contact. People who like to play with your heart strings like that are no good for you.

It all sounds too familiar to me, cut contact for your own sanity.

LemonyFresh · 09-10-2008 1:57am

Firstly, you need to establish your relationship with her!

If she's your girlfriend, you need to address it. Ask why she is distancing herself from you, tell her you are unhappy and hurt by her behaviour. Ask yourself if you actually want to be with her if she is going to be constantly blowing hot then cold.

If she is not your girlfriend, well, cut your losses.

coup1917 · 09-10-2008 1:59am

We've all been there at some stage or another..
Have had ex's that don't want to be in a relationship with you but they don't leave you alone either..
If you want to stay with her, you'll have to ask her straight out..
Either that or you move on, not easy at all but you'll fry your brains out if you keep seeing her on her terms...

Sugar Drunk · 09-10-2008 10:32am

your a puppet - shes making you dance and enjoying it. So stop!
firstly do you want to be with this girl ? (cant imagine why after the way she treats you) - if yes then sit her down and tell her that either she commits to you and stops treating you like crap or your outta there. If she keeps acting like she is, then just break contact its not a healthy relationship and will just lead to you feeling more down and messed up.

People like that will often change once you draw attention to their behaviour and show that you will no longer accept it. its all about the role you play. If you accept people treating you badly you come to expect it and its all the more easy for them to continue that behaviour.

SpookyDoll · 09-10-2008 1:46pm

+1 to Sugar Drunk there.

Gals like this used to be called "pr*ck tease" but these days they are just "confused" and "want to be friends".....thats a nice way of saying: "I will play with you until something better comes my way"

Sorry OP.

not yet · 09-10-2008 2:33pm

No,no ,no and no.

Liam Byrne · 09-10-2008 2:45pm

generic1 wrote: »

Thats where I'm at exactly, don't know what she thinks is going on or even what she wants, and its driving me insane. In addition to this when shes nice shes nice, when she's being cold she tends to say things, which to me seem like she's just trying to make me feel like ****.

Was wondering where my ex got to!!!!

Tell her I said hi!

Start standing up for yourself; if she overdoes the "cold" bit, make an excuse and leave - calmly - for the day/night, and treat the next meet-up as a new page.

Then, after a few weeks, think about how often she's made you feel good vs how often she's made you feel like ****.

Every relationship has its ups-and-downs, so expect a few "feel like ****" moments, but if there's a 50-50 balance or worse, then the required action should be obvious.

Best of luck!

LegacyUser · 09-10-2008 2:48pm

NO......... Stay away from her and cut all contact, its the only way you can move on and get over her.

Wagon · 09-10-2008 3:55pm

generic1 wrote: »

Thats where I'm at exactly, don't know what she thinks is going on or even what she wants, and its driving me insane. In addition to this when shes nice shes nice, when she's being cold she tends to say things, which to me seem like she's just trying to make me feel like ****.

Don't be mates with her. Trust me, it'll melt your head even more if you do.

emma@ · 09-10-2008 4:16pm

you're probably taking a break from seeing her, she seems like she is taking advantage, i know cos ive been that girl, its not nice and she wont stop until you cut contact with her.

Wibbs · 09-10-2008 4:48pm

not yet, I agree with you but ease off on the shouty text.

Wibbs · 09-10-2008 4:51pm

I've a simple rule; If you're a woman and you're having sex with a man but not getting the time or emotions from him and you want more? Walk. If you're a man and you're having to supply time and emotion with a woman but you're not having sex with them and you want more? Walk. Even more simply, if you're being used as a shoulder to cry on and no other part of her anatomy is in play? Walk.

Redpunto · 09-10-2008 5:04pm

Stay away, shes playing you for a fool

generic1 · 09-10-2008 10:16pm

So I take it no one has a positive spin on this?

Liam Byrne · 09-10-2008 10:24pm

Don't know if there IS a positive spin. Think my post is about as neutral (and therefore the closest to "positive") that you're likely to get.

You said yourself she's wrecking your head.......so let me ask you: where do YOU see the "positive" side or spin ?

generic1 · 09-10-2008 10:39pm

I guess because she had become my best friend, and its becoming hard to deal with.

bug · 09-10-2008 11:55pm

Only special circumstances allow you to stay friends with an ex, and even at that it's usually after a long period of no contact where people re-establish themselves after the break-up.

IMO that only happens in rare cases where the individuals concerned were part of a larger social group in addition to the above, otherwise I generally find that ex's should be avoided.

If you have to post on PI that whole knocking around with my ex isn't working for you. Muse? Muse. That translates as I like to draw from your personality but I couldn't be arsed being with you because I want the cake and I can eat it.

not yet · 10-10-2008 8:06am

Sorry mate but women have this magic button they press to change from partner to friend, men on the other hand dont, unless your a cold fu*cker.

Honestly, women see no harm in staying friend in fact it makes them feel safe that they can call you up when they have problems.

LegacyUser · 10-10-2008 9:08am

I'm in the exact same boat at the moment OP, seein a girl for 6months, broke up a couple of wks ago and begged me to stay friends with her. I was happy to do this at the time cos it made it easier to deal with. Since we've become 'friends' little has changed, I still talk to her for a couple of hours every day on the phone and we get on like house on fire. I'm seriously considering cutting ties even thou I know this would kill me, but at the moment my head is wrecked. I still feel like maybe we can get back together in the back of my mind even tho really its not gonna happen. For example she went out last nite wit friends and i couldnt sleep wondering would she be wit another lad etc etc, driving me mad... So to cut a long stort short I'm tinkin of explaining the situtation to her and cutting all ties for a few months, I dont really want too but cant keep goin on like this is all I know.

What to do?

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