Shocked about this...

LegacyUser

Hi,

well basically my best friend just recently came about and told me that they didn't want to be friends anymore. I'm very upset about it as i thought i knew them. They gave me all this crap as to how i'm this and that. They can't be themselves? never once got that impression, they were even the same around my other friend. I don't know what to make of this and i'm feeling really low. I know this may sound stupid but a friend suggested they may of had feelings for me? well it's really getting to me as i feel now that i'm just a crap person in general.

Any advice would help.

Thanks.

Redpunto

Sounds a bit like a 3 yr old conversation, you're best off without them if thats the way they want to behave. It was their choice, not yours. DOnt beat yourself up about it. They probably just want to piss you off and make themselves feel better by seeing you being cut up about it. SHow them that you dont give a sh*t, and that'll p*ss them right off.

magick

well personally when ur friends with someone u should be able to act the way you like without any conditions, maybe if u sat down and had a heart to heart talk about whats wrong and see if u can work it out otherwise if they are still resistant to the idea and think the cant be themselves around you. Then call it a day no point in hanging around someone who is uncomfortable in ur company (and vice versa)

hope it works out for u

MagicMarker

Redpunto wrote: »

Sounds a bit like a 3 yr old conversation, you're best off without them if thats the way they want to behave. It was their choice, not yours. DOnt beat yourself up about it. They probably just want to piss you off and make themselves feel better by seeing you being cut up about it. SHow them that you dont give a sh*t, and that'll p*ss them right off.

Or maybe they had perfectly valid reasons and something happened recently that broke the camels back? We don't know both sides of the story here.

OP, what's done is done, just try and forget about it, don't let it get you down.

LegacyUser

Well, there has been ups and downs of course, everyone has them in friendships but not to the extent were this would happen.

Sure i didn't even speak to them for a while and then i heard from them and got that as a reply..

It wasn't nice to be told you're this and that and made to feel like crap either. It seemed like it was all down to me.

Nevyn

It happens, it's shítty when it happens esp when you have been very close.
Happened fairly recently to me.
All relationships take two people so really you can not put all the blame on yourslef
for when a friendship breaks down, it can be easier for them to blame you rather then look
at how thier own actions and non actions contributed to the situation esp if they have other drama and truama in thier life.

Honestly they didn't want to sort things out or deal with the issues, they walked away from it and they are trying to make you feel bad, because you didn't live up to thier idea of who or what you are or what they expected you to be in thier life for them.

Take a deep breathe and see that really you are better of with out them in your life if they value you so little and think so badly of you.

flynnser19

ive been through something similar before. Basically i had two friends lets call them sarah and leanne, i met leanne thru sarah, but me and leanne got on well cause we had one thing in comon we flirted alot with boys (so i was her competition). so one day i get a phone call from sarah saying that i had spread rumours about her which i hadnt they had just decided between them i was too much competition so they made up a lie.(dont know how id be competition but found out in later years off her cousin that was the reason)

anyway the moral is ive been better off without them theyve both got bad names around our town and ive got the bestest friends in the world now!!!so if these girls are going to be so childish then you need to realise youre better off without them!!!
oh and btw i was about 16 when all this was happening so flirting with boys was a big deal i suppose lolol

LemonyFresh

Thaedydal wrote: »

It happens, it's shítty when it happens esp when you have been very close.
Happened fairly recently to me.
All relationships take two people so really you can not put all the blame on yourslef
for when a friendship breaks down, it can be easier for them to blame you rather then look
at how thier own actions and non actions contributed to the situation esp if they have other drama and truama in thier life.

Honestly they didn't want to sort things out or deal with the issues, they walked away from it and they are trying to make you feel bad, because you didn't live up to thier idea of who or what you are or what they expected you to be in thier life for them.

Take a deep breathe and see that really you are better of with out them in your life if they value you so little and think so badly of you.

+1000

It happened to me a little over a year ago. One of my closest friends. One evening I text her telling her we (a group of us) would be meeting half an hour later than originally scheduled. She goes nuts, turns around after several years and tells my friends how she has no interest in speaking to me again, I'm a lousy friend etc., flaky! The most bizarre, erratic thing that has ever happened to me to be honest! And hypocritical to the extreme: I'd waited for the girl for over the hour mark on MANY occasions...punctuality was not her strong point. I'd never been anything but loyal and kind to her. Looking back, I can see she was a very selfish person in a lot of ways (ah, hindsight). The rest of my friends were and remain as baffled by it as I do.

OP, it's hurtful. I cried for a good couple of months, I loved the girl to bits and didn't know what I'd done wrong to cause her to deem me unworthy of her time. However now I realise it's the direct inverse, I don't want my life populated by any biatch like that!!! Nor should you, better off without someone like that.

barbiegirl

OP if you really have no idea why the friendship has ended then it's very strange. I have friends since I was 8 and friends I've made as I made my way in life, but I have been forced to cut one girl out of my life. She was my best mate in Dublin and then she turned very weird, drank too much, lied and very erratic and angry. I tried to help for over 2 years but she was getting worse rather than better, so I cut off contact. She didn't want help, she didn't see anything wrong with her behaviour and she definitely, if you asked her, would say I just turned for no reason.
I'm just playing devil advocate are you sure looking back that you are totally happy with your behaviour in the friendship? If so live and learn. If not look at what you can do to change.

Karen_*

Thats really hurtful and hard not to feel bad about yourself when something like tha happens. When she was giving the reasons why she could not be friends with you anymore did she have a point in what she was saying? If some things she said were true and are causing you problems then work on those points going forward. Turn the situation to your advantage insead of making it a negative one. But I do think its unfair of her to not even give you an opportunity to see her side of things and to move on from that. Ending the friendship is a bit harsh.

OP don't let it get you down for too long. Sounds like you might be better off without her anyway. Her loss.

BAM!

Unfortunately things like this do happen, it's happened to me before too. there would be an issue with a group of my friends and rather than the person angry having it out with everyone, they would just fight with me. It's very frustrating.

Was there any issue between the two of ye before this, had ye had a row or upset in each other in any way? Maybe you could try talk to the person and get them to explain their reasons for their treatment of you.

Oniontops

OP, Don't worry about it. Move on and rise above them. I've seen posts like this before. There usually are two sides to the story but for someone to say something like that is very immature. How they handled the situation with you says more about them than it does about you despite what you may or may not have done. Move on and hang out with people who appreicate you for who you are and have a mutual respect for you.

Good luck.

Sugar Drunk

awful thing to happen. Truth is if that person was a real friend they would have sat down and talked to you about whatever issues there were rather than just dumping you.
This person it seems did not give you a change to explain whatever behaviour they had issue with or to make amends so you hand't a chance.

It may turn out that your better off in the long run.

unhappycamper

Sorry to hear that your friends are a pack of idiots who behave like 3 year olds. Is this a bitchy girl thing? Guys don't talk like this do they??? In 27 years I have never seen or heard of an incident like this between guys.. hmmmm

LegacyUser

unhappycamper wrote: »

Sorry to hear that your friends are a pack of idiots who behave like 3 year olds. Is this a bitchy girl thing? Guys don't talk like this do they??? In 27 years I have never seen or heard of an incident like this between guys.. hmmmm

It's not even a bitchy girl thing, it's between 2 guys! They didn't even have the decency to sit down and tell me in person which annoys me even more so. People nowadays, I don't get their behaviour. Maybe he has problems of his own. I don't know what to think coz he won't TELL me.

Do you think it's a bad idea to contact them and ask them to talk in person? or will i just leave them and forget about them?

Dudess

It's confusing when you keep using "they", "their", "them" - I keep thinking you're talking about a few friends rather than one person. We know it's a guy, nobody's gonna guess your identity

Not being smart, just pointing it out so confusion might be avoided.

Sumire

I was actually on the opposite end of something like this a while ago where one girl in our group had just become too hard to deal with, drinking far too much & ruining everyone's night, lying & spreading stories, causing constant rows because she loved the drama & loads more(She's 23 years old!). I just explained to her all of this was unacceptable and I didn't want to know her anymore, but she refused to listen & said I was just making stuff up (despite her having had the exact same row with at least 5 other people that I know of).
My point is this might not be the issue in your case at all, but if they gave reasons (you said 'They gave me all this crap as to how i'm this and that') maybe have a think about whether or not they're right, just in case. If not then forget about them and try and get over it.

RuailleBuaille

Thaedydal wrote: »

It happens, it's shítty when it happens esp when you have been very close.
Happened fairly recently to me.
All relationships take two people so really you can not put all the blame on yourslef
for when a friendship breaks down, it can be easier for them to blame you rather then look
at how thier own actions and non actions contributed to the situation esp if they have other drama and truama in thier life.

Honestly they didn't want to sort things out or deal with the issues, they walked away from it and they are trying to make you feel bad, because you didn't live up to thier idea of who or what you are or what they expected you to be in thier life for them.

Take a deep breathe and see that really you are better of with out them in your life if they value you so little and think so badly of you.

I'm very interested in this response, as I'm coming at it from the other side: I've finally had enough of my so-called friend and haven't spoken to her in more than a week now, and have no intentions of getting in touch at all. We've been friends for 20+ years but stuff has happened recently that made me realise that all she wants an audience, not a friend.
OP was your friendship with these girls reciprocal? As in, did you give them as much time, effort and support as they did you? Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in ourselves and forget to make time for those who need it.
For the last 4 years, my 'friend' has only shown interest in me when she wants something, and because she is a Drama Empress there's always something she needs. In 4 years she has invited me to her home only when she was having a party, which was maybe twice a year but was always in my home when she'd nothing else on.
The last straw came for me when two weeks ago, after going through some really rough ****, I really felt I needed to talk and as I sat there with tears rolling down my face, she launched into the story of how the affair she was having started (bear in mind I'd been listening to this same story for 8months!) and didn't have any interest in what upset me! I got like 5 minutes and offf she went. I just thought, I owe it to myself to surround myself with people who'll step up when I need them and she isn't one of them.
So when Thaedydal says 'All relationships take two people so really you can not put all the blame on yourslef
for when a friendship breaks down, it can be easier for them to blame you rather then look
at how thier own actions and non actions contributed to the situation esp if they have other drama and truama in thier life.' I do agree but I also think there are some very selfish, self-involved people out there and at some stage you just have to look out for number one.
Sorry for the ramble but this is very topical for me.
OP if you think you did all was necessary to maintain the friendship (and be honest with yourself!) and this is still the response you get, then I would leave 'em be. If however, you weren't as involved as you could have been, maybe you should try and initiate a sit down where you own your part and they own theirs?
Best of luck.

Chinafoot

Surprised wrote: »

Well, there has been ups and downs of course, everyone has them in friendships but not to the extent were this would happen.

Lots of ups and downs can get too much. Sometimes, depending on whats happening in your own life, you need to look out for yourself. Sure it hurts, but such is life. Friendships change and people move on.

Surprised wrote: »

Sure i didn't even speak to them for a while and then i heard from them and got that as a reply..

Why didn't you speak to them for a while? Perhaps this was the final straw for your friend after all the ups and downs. The time apart might have made him realise that you had both changed as people and the friendship wasn't going to work anymore. I'd personally be a bit annoyed if my best friend didn't speak to me for a while. Thats not to say I need to speak to her everyday but regular contact is expected...she is my best friend afterall.

Surprised wrote: »

It wasn't nice to be told you're this and that and made to feel like crap either. It seemed like it was all down to me.

Maybe it was. I'm not trying to be harsh or anything but I've been on both sides of this situation. The first time I was in your position and I soon realised that I had let down a good friend by not being there for her when she needed me. I didn't speak to her for a while and I'd stopped makng the effort. Then I got back in touch and she was having none of it, and tbh I think she was right. I had disappeared and then expected to just come back and have everything be fine. Can't do that. More recently I've been in your friends position. I've stopped bothering with with someone who was a good friend because I quite frankly couldnt take it anymore. I was the one making all the effort, got nothing back but negativity. I had to weigh up if it was worth it or not. It wasn't.

Now that's not to say I agree with him calling you names or whatever, but perhaps you should take his comments and try and see if he has a point. If you think he's totally wrong, move on and try to forget about him. If you think he's right, apologise and if he won't accept an apology move on and learn from your mistake.