so confused

LegacyUser

Hi before i start my rant confusions etc I apoligise, suppose just looking for some impartial advice.

My granny is in hospital and got a call today to say she has at max a few months to live, sort of expecting it but at the same time we weren't.
anyway i havent seen my father since 1994, and i got a call today to say he is back from the uk and with my granny at the moment for a few days, I really want to see her but I don't want to see him, I've no time for him at all, however I know my garnny would love if we were speaking again, he's in ireland for a few days and I could just go and visit her when he's gone, but maybe for her sake I should go when he's there.

I'm so confused

what to do??

Sincho

Tricky one really but if you have any desire to make amends with your father for whatever went wrong in the relationship, nows the time to do it. If you feel you are going to eventually have a relationship with him you might as well start building bridges now for your grannys sake.
However if you and your father are unlikely to ever sort out whatevers gone on between ye, I'd leave it till hes left to visit or try to do it when you can be sure he won't be there. Your granny hasn't gotten to her age without realising that not every relationship is perfect, she probably wouldn't want you to feel forced into having a relationship for her sake.
Best of luck with it all x

Kiera

If you think you can put on a brave face for your granny then do it. If not, don’t. She’ll only sense the tension and it wouldn’t be good for her.

smiler26

Hi,

Sorry to hear your story. Just my $0.02:

I was in a similar situation once and I made the decision NOT to do anything. It's something I've regretted ever since. Every situation is different, but if it's something that will make your granny happy, then I think you should go for it.

Even if it's just for appearance sake, my advice is that it's better to regret the things you did, than the things you didnt do.

Like I said every situation is different, so it's still up to you.

PM if you need any more input. And good luck!

limklad

My sincere sympathies to you.

My grandmother died earlier this summer and I have issues with my parents. I would not have let them interfered with me seeing my grandmother. There was awkward moments (no conversations) any time we meet. While my Grandmother would have love it that we made up, she was wise enough and knew the history between us. I kept my grandmother informed on the situation so she would not put her foot in the middle of the disaster zone. She knew my parents bad behaviour as she live close by.
On her Funeral, It did infuriate them that the Uncle and Aunts backed me and prevented my parents from excluding me. It open any doubts in my Uncle/Aunts/Cousins and neighbours of my parents real motives. I did not get upset nor get into an argument with them. I kept civil and grief for my Grandmother. My Parents was very pissed off when he found out that my Uncles asked me to stay as few days. My Uncles knew everything and all the disasters that happened over the years. They too had a few incidents with them. One Uncle lived next door to my grandmother and he and his family took great care of her. I would have regretted in not keeping up relations with her over the years.

You me and many other people do have problems with their parents, but do not under any circumstances let him get to you. Visit you grandmother, say you peace with her. Quietly admit to yourself if you are nervous that you are nervous or any other feeling you have before the encounter, that is normal. Good luck and you have my support.

LegacyUser

hi to all who replied, after a long chat with my mother I've some to some conclusions I'm not going to type it all here, but all your opinions really counted and I thank you all for your valuable contribution..