Concerned about friend

metaoblivia

I'm concerned about a very close friend of mine. She's 22, and very, very overweight. I would say obese, but I don't know her exact numbers. What I can tell you is that she has a very small frame (she's under 5 ft tall), and is carrying an awful lot of weight on it, to the point where she waddles when she walks.
In the last 6 months, she's blown out her knee (she tore the other one a few years earlier) and sprained her ankle twice. None of her injuries have fully healed because she refuses to see a doctor about them. She won't even go for general check ups (she's never even had a pap or seen an OB-GYN). I know that injuries like this can happen without being overweight, I can't help but think that the extra weight is part of the problem and part of what's preventing her from seeing a doctor.
I know I can't make her do anything - I can't make her go see a doctor, I can't make her lose weight. But I'm really concerned. She's so young, and if she's already having physical problems now, I'm worried about what she'll have to deal with 10 years down the line. I have an aunt who is morbidly obese. She struggled with weight her entire life, and the physical effects her weight has had on her are really quite sad. She had to retire early, and couldn't walk without assistance starting in her 50s. Our family was never allowed to say anything to my aunt about her weight (as decreed by my grandparents), and I'm honestly not sure that was the correct route to take. On the one hand, I'm sure she knew she was overweight. On the other hand, being silent about it hasn't worked out so well either.
I find myself biting my tongue more and more with my friend. I want to say something to her, have a conversation with her about it. But I know she's really insecure about her weight. She never ever talks about it. And I'm afraid that she'll interpret any conversation about her health/weight as an attack. And I'm not sure it's even my place to say anything. It's her body, after all. But I'm really concerned.
Any advice?

LegacyUser

.Why not give bodywhys.ie a shout..

aye

i'm afraid you cant make her do anything.
what you can do is ask her to do activities with you. go for walks, some light fitness classes etc. things she may enough but wont be so intense that she wont want to do it again.
her big thing here is diet tho. i think maybe you could talk about healthy eating when you see her, and try and get her thinking about it.
its not easy to help someone if they dont want to be helped tho.

metaoblivia

aye wrote: »

i'm afraid you cant make her do anything.
what you can do is ask her to do activities with you. go for walks, some light fitness classes etc. things she may enough but wont be so intense that she wont want to do it again.
her big thing here is diet tho. i think maybe you could talk about healthy eating when you see her, and try and get her thinking about it.
its not easy to help someone if they dont want to be helped tho.

Thank you for your response. Unfortunately, we don't live in the same country, so I don't see her very often. We talk every day though. I know I can't make her do anything, I'm just wondering, if, since we talk so much, there's a conversation that can be had, or should I just avoid the subject entirely.

aye

talk to her about some interesting healthy eating article you read or something. read the stickies in the fitness forum is you wanna read up a bit before hand.
it is a converstion that can be had, of course it is.
dont call her overweight, that might just cause her to hang up, just say that doing exercise will help with her injuries maybe, and she'll sleep better, have more energy and feel better overall.
be an exercise salesman or saleswoman .

the_syco

metaoblivia wrote: »

I have an aunt who is morbidly obese. She struggled with weight her entire life, and the physical effects her weight has had on her are really quite sad.

Bring your friend with you to your aunty. Cruel, but it'll show her what life has in plan for her.

Overheal

Maybe its just me but i slagged my friend about his weight problems for years. Mostly just pointing out how crazy it was to do some things, like eating 2 burgers instead of 1 burger and some chips, encouraging him onto other alternatives like water from coke. Anyway after so long he had enough of the slagging, not just from me but im sure the dozens of other people he talked with at school - he went to see a dietician that put him on some crazy crash diet: 2 vitamin supplements and 2 gallons of water per day. 2 months later though he dropped weight like it was going out of fashion: must have easilly been 3 or 4 stone. He was much happier about himself and we were all chuffed for him. he still played Rugby too, it helped him loads.

People will disagree with me but I think that tolerance of obesity is what helps people think its ok to eat half their lives away.

Wibbs

Overheal wrote: »

People will disagree with me but I think that tolerance of obesity is what helps people think its ok to eat half their lives away.

Strangely enough I think that may work, but again IMHO it works better for men. I don't think it works as much if at all for women, so I wouldn't even try it TBH. Different angle for the most part on the whole weight issue for women. In women in my experience weight can be a much more emotional thing. It's not just a part of them they can isolate. The stresses on women and their body image are more extreme than for men too in the main.

Handsome Bob

Overheal wrote: »

Maybe its just me but i slagged my friend about his weight problems for years. Mostly just pointing out how crazy it was to do some things, like eating 2 burgers instead of 1 burger and some chips, encouraging him onto other alternatives like water from coke. Anyway after so long he had enough of the slagging, not just from me but im sure the dozens of other people he talked with at school - he went to see a dietician that put him on some crazy crash diet: 2 vitamin supplements and 2 gallons of water per day. 2 months later though he dropped weight like it was going out of fashion: must have easilly been 3 or 4 stone. He was much happier about himself and we were all chuffed for him. he still played Rugby too, it helped him loads.

People will disagree with me but I think that tolerance of obesity is what helps people think its ok to eat half their lives away.

That may work for some people, but one cannot try and apply that to ever situation. No-one knows how psychologically stable the people around them are. If certain people are bullied about these kind of things it can drive them over the edge and destroy their confidence to the point where they won't go out anymore due to the fear of ridicule, and their will balloon even further. Fair play to your mate, but he had a thick skin(no pun intended) to take quite public and humiliating insults that you and possibly others threw at him.

OP, there's nothing you can do and I know from personal experience that one will only successfully lose weight if they want to lose weight. If you want to tackle the issue don't pussyfoot around it but construct what you want to say in terms of how worried you are for her health.

Sugar Drunk

Overheal wrote: »

People will disagree with me but I think that tolerance of obesity is what helps people think its ok to eat half their lives away.

thats a v good point. I always find it ironic that people find it easier to approach the issue of someone being underweight than over weight. Its hard for you Op as you cannot speak to her face to face which means the conversation is more difficult when you cannot see her.

I guess all you can do is explain that you are her friend and and very worried about her. maybe reference your aunt as in, you are worried your friend would end up with a low quality of life or become very injured