Pregnant...Do I really have no future?..

LegacyUser

Ok so I am on a gap year after doing my Leaving Cert and i am 19. I intended to go to UCD next year, I already have my place. But Ive just found out that Im pregnant with my boyfriend of 4 years. Before you go attacking us for 'being so stupid' I had been taking th pill absolutly perfectly.
We havent told anyone yet.
We are actually getting over the initial shock a bit and starting to look at the good side of the situation, but I want to know what are our options in education and what help we can get. Are we really just left to deal with this on our own? Is there nyway we can still continue education or is this it for now?
I know my parents would help me and do al they can to see me get to college, but I dont want them to have this on their shoulders. I want to try to do this myself.
I also live a good bit away from Dublin and would probably have to live there for college...
He has begun a course which he loves and he doesnt want to have to give it up. And the thought of not being able to go to college just upsets me so much. We don't want to have to be stuck in dead end jobs, we still want to be able to get a good education and jobs we really want. Is this possible for us?
We want to be able to bring up our baby together too... if we could get financial help with bringing up the baby, do we still have to live with our parents??!!!We just dont know what to do or who to talk to or anything!!!I still havent told my parents yet!! i know its not like they will kick me out or anything because my guy is really a part of the family and they like us together and know that we are having sex. How should I best do this?!!
If you know anything at all about this or have any advice to give us, please help!!!!

Yakult

I would suggest telling your parents anyway. They will be able to help you. And dont worry its not the end of the world. Theirs always ways to work around it.

Give this place a check, might be able to help ya
http://www.positiveoptions.ie/index.php

best of luck!

Nevyn

No your life is not over and there are young parents who do manage to go to college and get a qualification and graduate. I'll not kid you the first two years are hard with a baby and then things usually settled down and you have more time to yourself and even more so when they get to school age.

Some colleges have a creche on campus with resereved places for the children of students.
Most colleges will have a student welfare officer who will have information about what supports there are, so I suggest you get in touch with them.

As for what fincail aid is advailible it depends on your circumstances and I totally understand you wanting to figure out a plan for your futures before going to your parents. It's a damn good thing to do as it shows you want to make this work for you all and are taking responsiblity.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/social-welfare/social-welfare-payments/social-welfare-payments-to-families-and-children/payments-to-families-and-children

Macha

You might find this site helpful as well

http://www.positiveoptions.ie/index.php

Not the end of the world at all!

chickenhawk

UCD has a creche on campus and supports young mothers to help them do their courses. So you can still go to college. It just might be a different experience than the regular college goer, but that won't matter when you have a qualification in hand.

Good luck.

Overheal

Its not impossible to raise an infant and go to college but I can't tell a lie: it will be challenging, especially has your schedule in your 3rd and 4th years ramps up to over 40 and 50 hours a week in classes. You are going to need a big circle of support and the best place to start is with your family.

If life ended with pregnancy there would have been no hope for the rest of us Good luck with everything.

dory

Good luck OP. It won't be easy all the time but I have a few friends who are almost 30 and had kids around the same age. They are all very happy and got through college. Wouldn't swap their kid for all the drunken nights in the world. It will be worth it in the end.

seahorse

Ah Jaysus love, don’t worry about it; I went through a whole world of sh!t and went back and did my degree. It can be done; I promise you! Just get onto the relevant bodies in the university you've applied to and talk to your parents and your partners parents also. From what you've said they all sound like good people.

I know it sounds like panic-stations right now, but keep talking and seeking out the help that's available from the college and your family and it'll all come right in the end.

Take care and good luck with the baby!

jellie

A sister of a friend of mine got pregnant just before she started college. her baby timed it well & came on the 3 week easter break ucd get. with the help & support of her family shes now in her final year.

obviously she doesnt have the freedom all the other students would have for nights out etc., as far as i know she does go out from time to time, but i think given the choice her child is her priority anyway & shed prefer to spend her free time with the child than out getting drunk!

im sure its not all easy, but you CAN have your baby & go to college.

You could try defer your place for another year to give you more time & spend your first year with your baby.

oh & congratulations

Katgurl

congratulations OP!

i know this isn't ideal time but it does not sound like end of world at all and it sounds like you've got good support around you.

re telling your parents, you know them best but do it as soon as you can to give them a chance to digest it. i know when i was in that situation i sat down with my mother and burst into tears. it wasn't intentional, i just couldn't get words out - the poor woman didn't know what was happening.


best of luck, it'll all work out and you'll have a beautiful little boy or girl to make you wonder what you were so upset about.

louisecm

I was recently speaking to someone who got pregnant when she was your age, and she is very passionate about the fact that it wasn't the end of the world for her, but actually the beginning. She now has a beautiful child and actually felt MORE motivated to make something out of her life than she felt she would have otherwise. She went to college, is finishing soon and is really excited about her future. Life is what you make it, take your future into your own hands and you can be whatever you want to be. Congratulations - your baby will bring you joy no matter how difficult circumstances may be.

AnonoBoy

Of course it's not the end. Things will be a bit more challenging sure but loads of people I know went through college with kids or got pregnant during college and still finished and did extremely well.

Hopefully you have a supportive family around you and a good circle of friends to rely on. They are invaluable for everything from emotional support to baby-sitting to just being your mates and making you realise that the world is still continuing on just with one more little person in it.

JaneyMc

It's not the end of the world at all, I have a friend who is 23, has 2 children and is in 3rd year medicine. Go to see a career guidance counsellor, maybe they can go through your options with you.


Best of luck.

the_syco

help!!!!!!! wrote: »

Ok so I am on a gap year after doing my Leaving Cert and i am 19. I intended to go to UCD next year, I already have my place. But Ive just found out that Im pregnant with my boyfriend of 4 years.

Not the end of the world, good timing if anything. If it pops out in 9 months, you'll have a few months to get used to the baby, and then you'll have college. Most decent colleges have some sort of crèche, but make sure you book a place for your little one early, as I'd say there'd be limited places.
If you feel you may not be "up for college", try talking to the college themselves, explain a baby is coming, and that you'd like to put college off for a year, I'm a dude, so I wouldn't know, but I doubt having a toddler is in any way easy, esp when balancing college.

LegacyUser

Thank you so much everyone for the nice replies. It really helps so so much to have some kind words and sound advice. I will get in touch with the Welfare offices quite soon.

At first I was just worried sick about the whole college thing, I just don't know of anyone who has ever done it. its always made out that if you have a baby thats the end but on reading your comments it seemed more and more doable.

I am beginning to stop worrying and looking forward to this. I know it will make me more motivated to do well, it already is... Does anyone know about financial support available or accomodation. Probably not too much but I will need to look into it all!

Thanks everyone!

chickenhawk

Help!!! wrote: »

Does anyone know about financial support available or accomodation.

I knew a girl in UCD who had a kid and was given accommodation in Glenomena which is the postgrad and final year students accommodation. People there might be more mature and give you support and space when needed. If you contact UCD they will help you. It is a good thing that you now have a year to organise everything.

pickarooney

It may, believe it or not, be a great time to have a child. You're young enough that the generational gap between your child and yourself won't be such a gulf and by the time he/she's raised you'll still have your life ahead of you. Depending on what course you do in college, you may find you have more time with your baby than the majority of working mothers and university hours will always be that bit more 'flexible' than those of an office job - it's not like you'll get fired for missing a lecture because of a sick child. Assuming you're just starting a year out, you'll have had about three months with him/her before lectures start which is no bad deal, really.

Of course, on the downside, you can forget about travelling for a while and knock the socialising pretty much on the head.