attention all

Molberts

This is molberts and will. We are drunk. And bitches. We like rum. And beer. Abe we love lamp. Lamp is awesome. So are chips. Will kills pussy kittens. Nom nom nom. Captain Morgans rules. But not as much as us. We are deadly. We like chips. Wills chips were nom nom nom. Did we metion we like rum? We do. Its awesome. Peace out month fos .
Sinceely tours,

Will bear and molberts

ps. Go duck youself san Diego

Sofaspud

May I be the first to congratulate you on your beautiful piece of literature!

Fiii

Molberts wrote: »

Sinceely tours,

I think this is my fav part

orestes

Molberts wrote: »

Abe we love lamp.

I'm sure Abe will be delighted to hear that

Soundman

Excellent. You gotta love drunken ramblings.

Will

im dieing today, dieing

don't remember being in the pub after 10pm, dont know how we got to kebab shop, remember trying to eat my kebab but failing. dont know how i got home or anything.

do remember meeting parents and them being disgusted at my drunkeness and then running to the bath room to hug the toilet but failing

>_>

<_<

fail, self pwn, pwnd, self pwn, pwnage

rstans

A noble display of drunkenness good sirs. You should both be proud.

shoelaceface

im so proud of the way ye both have matured

Molberts

BA ha ha! The funniest part is, I was so careful writing that and was sure I'd spelt everything perfectly... I'm blaming will! Was laughing so much typing I got loadsa kebab sauce in my fringe, neither of us noticed... Ahem. Will you got home cos I'm a gentleman! I nobly hailed you a cab,bundled you in, then went back to the pub for MOAR rum!
Nom nom nom

Will

Beer scooter got me home. Explanation is below

How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night of drinking and thought 'How did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the bar to your home.

The answer to this puzzle is that you used a beer scooter.

The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased out to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has branched out since the decrease in the worship of the Roman pantheon and bought a large batch of these magical devices.

The beer scooter works in the following fashion:

The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the slurring gland begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects the pheromone and sends down a winged beer scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a trans-dimensional portal.

It is not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This generates the second question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?'.

Beer scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries).

An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of trans-dimensional portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This generates the third question after a night out 'What happened?'

With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the EMIT (Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's EMIT is not necessarily the EMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained over a suitable period.

Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles cause the scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom often with horrific consequences.

With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive-thru chain specialising in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts.

Another question answered!!

For the family man, beer scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other people's garden and Thump-A- Lot Boots. These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the ringbarked shins.

The final add-in Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.

Star Lord

Will + Molberts = Willberts? O_o

The bears can smell their menstruation!

Will

it's scarily like my old nickname :pac:

Star Lord

:pac: Really? I hadn't noticed.... :pac:

Will

*facepalm*

jenizzle

jaysis this forum has gone to hell ....




:P

Kur4mA

Off topic surely? Are we going to get a play by play of your drunken shenanigans every time you go out? Get a blog tbh.

Will

o.0

seagull posting much?

Cop on.

Closing thread.