Strange Feeling, anyone help explain??

LegacyUser

Hi All,
Long time poster here and need your advice. Basically, I have met a wonderful girl during the summer (both in our early 30s) and its brilliant, we have both been f**ked around in the past and now both know what we want and its true bliss, even down to knowing we are in love. But, and its a weird but, its so perfect I am worried. Worried that theres nothing wrong then there must be something wrong if you get my drift. Is this normal?

TheDriver

Hey OP, lucky you! Maybe your insecurities from the past are getting to you, forget the past maybe, relax and enjoy?

Karen_*

Its awful isn't it that we expect when things are going well for us that it means the rug is going to be pulled from under us. OP your luck has changed. Enjoy it;)

tbh

strangefeeling wrote: »

Hi All,
Long time poster here and need your advice. Basically, I have met a wonderful girl during the summer (both in our early 30s) and its brilliant, we have both been f**ked around in the past and now both know what we want and its true bliss, even down to knowing we are in love. But, and its a weird but, its so perfect I am worried. Worried that theres nothing wrong then there must be something wrong if you get my drift. Is this normal?

yep - that's why they talk about trust when they talk about relationships. and by they, I of course mean, I. See here's the thing. You're getting worried that something is going to happen to in your relationship that's going to cause you pain. For example, your g/f could go off with someone else (as could you of course), and that would really really hurt. So, if you wanted to, you could protect yourself from that hurt by not making yourself as vulnerable, by closing yourself off a little bit. But - that means the relationship is not as open as it could be.

So, you TRUST your g/f not to do anything that would hurt you. You are basically putting your future happiness in her hands, knowing that she could choose to reject it - but you trust her not to. Just as she trusts you not to. And that, my friend, that's why your relationship is so good at the moment.

So what I would suggest is that you have a choice here - you can either say "to hell with it, I'm happy, I'm not going to second guess myself here - yes I could get hurt, but at the moment, the bliss is worth any potential hurt down the line" - that would be my choice. Or you could say "I'm going to hold back just in case she changes her mind, and if the relationship degrades because of that, I'll take that chance". Again, an understandable choice, but with less upside than the first.

Kold

When it goes wrong, it'll go wrong but it's absolutely pointless anticipating it. You'll drive yourself and her sick if you think so negatively. Look, you owe it to yourself and her to enjoy yourself, to just enjoy what you have. Look, if it all ends in tears, that doesn't make what you have right now any less special.
Everyone gets messed around at some stage, it's the nature of the beast. Right now I want to strangle an ex (not lit ofc) but I'd never cheapen the fact that what we had was particularly special and for a few years, she was my closest friend, not to mention, we were happy.

I guess what you need is some... security, I think to just keep on going. Don't have expectations, just look to get to know and have fun with her. One thing I can't abide is when a person keeps asking me what everything means, where we're going.. It's like someone constantly asking me Qs whilst watching a movie- JUST STFU AND WE'LL SEE!

If she's the one, she's the one, no point trying to worry about it now though.

Beruthiel

strangefeeling wrote: »

its so perfect I am worried. Worried that theres nothing wrong then there must be something wrong if you get my drift. Is this normal?

I know exactly what you mean, I've been there. You are old enough to know what life and other people can throw at you. You expect it to go south at some stage.
The way to get around it is just take one day at a time, enjoy that day, enjoy her. Eventually enough days will go by and when you realise ye are still together, you can start to make plans.
Ignore the worrying and enjoy this time, it's wonderful when it happens.
Ignore what 'might happen', you really don't know.

LegacyUser

Thanks to ye all for your replies and so glad its not just me because I gave myself the impression I was being neurotic about it all but thankfully its normal. I must take each day as it comes and stop analysing and definitely have to stop asking about where its going. Just to enjoy it all. It seems weird that things are going right for me as I was sick of being dumped for "being too nice" aparently in the past, maybe I wasn't enough of a bad boy but now that I have found a beautiful brilliant girl who accepts me for who I am, hopefully it will work out!
Advice is greatly appreciated, thank you.