Asexual??

thejoker_1986

Hi all,

I just wanted to get some peoples views on this. I feel as though I am destined to remain alone, and not because I can't find anyone, but because I don't want to get close to anyone. I am 21, and I know thats young, but I have never had a boyfriend. I am kind of attracted to men, but not enough to strike up a relationship and although I have gone on a few dates, the thought of them terrifies me, hence they have been verrrry well spaced out and with different people, despite the fact that they always go well enough!
I don't know what is wrong with me, I envy people who are happy in relationships and I feel like I am missing out. I'm afraid I will be 50 and alone!!

Please reply...

NADA

Na to be honest the fact that you envy people who have relationships means you are not destined to be alone. To me it just sounds like a lack of confidence!

JB04

I never had a girlfred until i was 24. Now I'm married to her and have 2 lovely children. :cool:

dotsman

Do you masturbate much? Do you have any desires for any sexual contact? Do you think that maybe you're just shy around people you don't really know? Has there been any guy you really wanted? Have you ever desired to be with a woman?

Sorry, I know that's a load of questions, but I don't think anybody here knows enough from what you said to give you any deep advice:)

As regards the whole 21 and not having a relationship. Perfectly normal. Some people go through their entire youth in relationships (and to me that's more of a problem!), others spend their entire youth single, others find the nice balance.

thejoker_1986

JB04 wrote: »

I never had a girlfred until i was 24. Now I'm married to her and have 2 lovely children. :cool:

really!? that give me confidence! Do you mind me asking you if you wanted a girlfriend before 24 or you just weren't bothered til then?

I love my own space and i think if it weren't for other people around me being in relationships then it wouldn't bother me at all! It just worried me that my life will pass by and I won't have bothered putting myself out there and will regret it!?

thejoker_1986

dotsman wrote: »

Do you masturbate much? Do you have any desires for any sexual contact? Do you think that maybe you're just shy around people you don't really know? Has there been any guy you really wanted? Have you ever desired to be with a woman?

Sorry, I know that's a load of questions, but I don't think anybody here knows enough from what you said to give you any deep advice:)

As regards the whole 21 and not having a relationship. Perfectly normal. Some people go through their entire youth in relationships (and to me that's more of a problem!), others spend their entire youth single, others find the nice balance.

Yeah i do want sexual contact, and sometimes I think it is a confidence thing, although I am an outgoing person with plenty of friends, I have been bullied in the past and always over think things, especially about what other people are thinking! quite annoying but I cant help it...!

I suppose its easier for me to stay away from relationships so I dont have to worry about being judged,in bed (as I am quite inexperienced) and socially (because I get a rash on my neck when talking to people sometimes!)

maybe it is just an issue of working on my confidence?!

Overheal

thejoker_1986 wrote: »

the thought of them terrifies me

Men? Or going out on Dates? I'd be concerned if the former.

JB04

thejoker_1986 wrote: »

really!? that give me confidence! Do you mind me asking you if you wanted a girlfriend before 24 or you just weren't bothered til then?

It's not that I didn't want one until then, I was quite shy, so never really went looking!

microgirl

thejoker_1986 wrote: »

Yeah i do want sexual contact, and sometimes I think it is a confidence thing, although I am an outgoing person with plenty of friends, I have been bullied in the past and always over think things, especially about what other people are thinking! quite annoying but I cant help it...!

I suppose its easier for me to stay away from relationships so I dont have to worry about being judged,in bed (as I am quite inexperienced) and socially (because I get a rash on my neck when talking to people sometimes!)

maybe it is just an issue of working on my confidence?!

If you want sexual contact, if you experience sexual attraction and desire, if you get turned on by other people and the thought of being with other people in a sexually intimate way, then you are not Asexual

However, you might find some benefit in having a look at the AVEN network, even just to reassure yourself that whatever your reality is, it's not abnormal

www.asexuality.org and asexualunderground.blogspot.com have been a tremendous help and source of knowledge for me in understanding a friend of mine who *is* Asexual, and in understanding what is Asexual and what is something else, like low libido, low self-esteem, etc etc

I hated and dreaded and freaked out at the thought of sex right up until I was 20, and even now if I think about it too much (as in actually being with someone) I can get cripplingly embarrassed if I'm not careful to lock that ashamed bit of me away - and I'm nearly 33!

She Devil

When the right person comes along be it a guy or even a girl you will know. Your heart will flutter you WILL get butterflies and become an all round happier person, that is called being in love. But until then enjoy yourself. 21 is young, if i could do it all over i'd have spent those precious years having a laugh with my girlies, sealing my friendships with them going on holidays etc .... Seriously you are just hanging around the wrong kind of people for you, you will meet someone through college or work who WILL make you feel like you want more than stupid dates that seem like interviews!! Good luck with it