Cheating Fiancé

LegacyUser

So here is the story, been with this girl for almost 3 years. Had our ups and downs over the past but always carried on and worked through them. In the past month or so i have been working really long days, not getting home till late. She doesn't work and is still studying. On a couple of occasions when i'd get home she would be out having a drink. Thats fine with me, she hasn't many friends here, but she got friendly with this guy. To cut a long story short she ended up cheating on me with him, when i found out i was furious.

She is from another country and was home visiting her parents. She would call and text me the odd day but i found out she was also texting and ringing him. She came back the other day and i met her at the airport. Everything seemed fine, we had a chat the night before, that she should not be in contact with him, she agreed and said she would meet him one more time and tell him this. But the next day she went and met him, and i haven't seen her since. This was 2 days ago, and i think after all our talking she is more in love with him than me.

Its crushed my heart, and i can believe she has done this, i still want her, but i think it may be a dream to far. What do people think? Am i a fool for wanting to be with her?

Thanks

Wibbs

2 days? With no contact? Not good. The cheating would be a hanging offence for me to start with. It's gonna hurt but I would walk away and do it now. Better in the long run.

spiderman1885

Her stuff, Black Bags, Out in the rain.


The best solution!

LegacyUser

Hey, lets not be too hasty here. Have you considered her phone may have powered down and she forgot to bring her bus pass with her.......that could explain 2 days without contact. Maybe at this point she is walking in the wind and rain back to your welcoming arms.....

Personally I think there's too many maybes there. I agree with the above
"Black Sacks, her stuff, rain!" No second chance, she doesn't give a toss for you and going any further with this relationship will sow the seeds of years of heartbreak for you.

wasper

almost married wrote: »

So here is the story, been with this girl for almost 3 years. Had our ups and downs over the past but always carried on and worked through them. In the past month or so i have been working really long days, not getting home till late. She doesn't work and is still studying. On a couple of occasions when i'd get home she would be out having a drink. Thats fine with me, she hasn't many friends here, but she got friendly with this guy. To cut a long story short she ended up cheating on me with him, when i found out i was furious.

She is from another country and was home visiting her parents. She would call and text me the odd day but i found out she was also texting and ringing him. She came back the other day and i met her at the airport. Everything seemed fine, we had a chat the night before, that she should not be in contact with him, she agreed and said she would meet him one more time and tell him this. But the next day she went and met him, and i haven't seen her since. This was 2 days ago, and i think after all our talking she is more in love with him than me.

Its crushed my heart, and i can believe she has done this, i still want her, but i think it may be a dream to far. What do people think? Am i a fool for wanting to be with her?

Thanks

I think you should stop calling her a Fiancé. She is not committed to the relationship. Learn from it, face the pain & the anguish. But move on. She is not worth it.

littlefriend

You aren't the fool - she is. Walk away- this is not somebody to spend the rest of your life with.
I hope you get through this quickly. I think maybe your first step should be taking control of the situation and packing her stuff up. She seems to be calling the shots and that needs to stop.
This is a dreadful thing to have happened you, try not to blame yourself.

Dimitri

Your not a fool for still loving her that simply is not something you can control and by extension you are going to want her back, but be realistic what sort of relationship would it be if she did come back. Would you be suspicious every time she went out, at work would it not constantly pop into your head that she is cheating on you. A relationship is based on trust and that has been shattered not just by the cheating, which some couples can overcome if the cheater is genuinely remorseful, but with the obvious disregard for your feelings by disappearing. Despite being very hurt i honestly think the only thing you can do is pack up and move on. It'll hurt for a while to come but it does get better.

MagicMarker

Yup, pack her bags, give them to charity, change the locks and forget about her.

Fanny Cradock

dumpher23 wrote: »

Hey, lets not be too hasty here. Have you considered her phone may have powered down and she forgot to bring her bus pass with her.......that could explain 2 days without contact. Maybe at this point she is walking in the wind and rain back to your welcoming arms.....

Personally I think there's too many maybes there. I agree with the above
"Black Sacks, her stuff, rain!" No second chance, she doesn't give a toss for you and going any further with this relationship will sow the seeds of years of heartbreak for you.

It costs a single Euro to make a telephone call from a phone box. Clearly her silence has little to do with dead batteries. Maybe she is taking time off to sort her head out. Still, whatever the excuse, given the seriousness of the situation, not contacting the OP for 2 days is incredibly selfish, insensitive and, yes, cruel.

OP, I don't think you are a fool for wanting to be with her, but given her actions to date, you must consider the very real possibility that she doesn't want to be with you - not over the other guy, anyway. Re-evaluate your future together. For instance, can you forgive her? Can you trust her ever again? If the answer to either of these is 'no' then I would suggest that cutting your ties with her is the only reasonable option for you. However, reason is pretty much a slave to desire.

Colonel_McCoy

Burn her clothes, put everything else in the bin and change the locks.

ShawnRaven

Kick to the curb, if she can't be arsed making a call, be it borrow a cellphone from where she is or use a callbox, then she ain't worth sh*t in my own honest opinion.

More fish in the sea and all that.

Sugar Drunk

almost married wrote: »

She came back the other day and i met her at the airport. Everything seemed fine, we had a chat the night before, that she should not be in contact with him, she agreed and said she would meet him one more time and tell him this.

sorry what?! you had to tell her that she shouldnt not be in contact with him? she shouldnt have cheated on you with him in the first place let alone stay in contact after she was found out. I cant believe someone is as forgiving as that.

dump her mate shes having a laugh. she cheated, got away with it and now seems to think she can do what she wants

LegacyUser

Hey OP

I dont usually post on this site but I read your post and I just wanted to write to you.

I feel so sorry that you have had to go through this and I can only imagine what pain you are going through right now.

She didnt make just 1 mistake here, she made multiple mistakes:
1 - Cheated on you
2 - Texting/Ringing some other guy behind your back
3 - Needing to "meet with him just 1 last time" - FFS if she really didnt care about this guy, she would have just called him once and said "its over, it was a huge mistake" and get a new number, she did not need to meet with him to tell him this and if she did you should have gone with her
4 - Not getting in contact with you now for 2 days following the mistake number 3

I think all of the above 4 reasons demonstrate her complete disregard for your feelings and for the relationship that you had. I know you dont want to believe it and you want to try again but she is simply not worth it, you DESERVE so much better and whilst you are with her you wont be able to find the lady who will give you everything you deserve and more.

All the best xox

Wibbs

^^ Nail hit squarely on the head by awww there.

LegacyUser

Update on this, she came home said she was really sorry lost track of time. Then roll on 2 days to today, she has gone out again. I know she is meeting him again. So this time it is pack her bags, she is gone. I know this will/ already has broke my heart, but i know it is all for the best.

She also admitted to me she thinks she has a drink problem. And this is why she thinks all of this has happened. But even though i said i would get her help and try and sort this she still continues to drink, and drink too much.

I am in shock as the guy she keeps meeting never seems to be out of the bar, and this i feel may end up being the end of her. I still feel for her, but there is no way I can help her if she keeps to do this after the help i offered and lack of respect she seems to have for me. Either with or without drinking.

I really thankful of peoples advice, but there seems to be no better way of sharing this huge problem in my life other than here.

My friends will stick by me in this, and I hope in time my heart will heal.

In the mean time i will trudge on and push myself through this.

Thanks again,

A newly single guy.

themacdaddy

It's a very hard thing to do but you have done the RIGHT thing! You will find happiness in time! I admire your courage! Best of luck!

chickenhawk

There will be times that you will wonder have you done the right thing. Or you may get messages from her once she realises that you are gone. Ignore both of these things because you have done the right thing and overtime it will all seem better. Best of luck.

JackieO

Your heart will heal, of that you can be sure.

And in time, you will meet someone wonderful who will not cause you a moment of anguish and you will wonder why you ever cared about this girl who obviously has no regard for your feeling whatsover. You'll be thanking your lucky stars that you had such a lucky escape.

I always remember the saying "the one who's worth your tears won't make you cry". I know is mushy and corny but it really is so true.

Chin up!

Sugar Drunk

fair play OP that must have been v hard on you but its for the best. Only so much you can do to try help someone before they start bringing you down with them.

BAM!

Get rid sharpish. Even if you can forgive her for cheating she will do this again. Avoid the heartache now.

2 hours late is loosing track of time. 2 days late is showing you no respect at all.

not yet

Are these guys for real...........

Why the f*uk do people let this shi* happen to them, Have people no dignity anymore!!! what happened to people to let them accept this crap.

Tell her to f*ck right off....

Or on the other hand when she comes back with some lame excuse you could take her back and live happy ever after.

not yet

Sorry for sounding harsh in previous response , but seriously you need to gid on with your life and dont let her play games with you.

*Dallas

If you were engaged, you should demand the ring back.

My friend got a letter from her ex's fiance demanding the ring back as it was a 'legal agreement to marriage', if thats not going to happen get the ring needs to be returned to the purchaser

Redpunto

Well done with getting rid,,you dont feel it now but your life will be so much better without her.

BAM!

Sorry, should have read ALL the posts before posting myself.

Well done OP, fair play to you. I bet it sucks now but it will get better in time and you'll find someone that appreciates you. Chin up