Passive aggressive - can you trust them?

AARRRGH

As we all know, there are a lot of passive aggressive people out there. They smile and say "no problem" but inside they're thinking **** you, and like clockwork they'll do some sort of passive aggressive action as revenge.

Personally, I don't trust passive aggressive people. I have some friends who I would consider to be ****ed -- for example, I have an exceptionally racist friend who used to buy Al Qaeda DVD's before 9/11 -- but at least he's honest; I know where I stand.

But passive aggressive people are liars - they pretend they're nice and gentle when in fact they're just too weak to say how they really feel.

As a result of this, I don't trust passive aggressive people. Luckily they're easy to spot (they're oh so nice).

Am I right? Are the oh so nice passive aggressive people liars who can't be trusted?

stovelid

Come again?

pseudonym1

stovelid wrote: »

Come again?

I dont think so - I am probably " oh so nice " actually thats a lie but I know people that just dont want to upset anyone including themselves due to others actions. Non confrontational folk that are not vocal about their emotions are in my opinion less threatening then al quada followers!

brianthebard

Apparently I'm passive aggressive but I'm not nice, so that's that theory out.

Crumble Froo

what about the genuinely nice people?

GirlInterrupted

Crumble Froo wrote: »

what about the genuinely nice people?

I was told I was nice last night.

I guess that means I'm horrible.

AARRRGH

Crumble Froo wrote: »

what about the genuinely nice people?

I'm not talking about genuinely nice people, I'm talking about passive aggressive people.

Why would I have a problem with genuinely nice people?

Mena

AARRRGH wrote: »

I'm not talking about genuinely nice people, I'm talking about passive aggressive people.

Why would I have a problem with genuinely nice people?

Ah but ARE they genuinely nice or are they just passive aggressive people you've not weeded out yet?

AARRRGH

Mena wrote: »

Ah but ARE they genuinely nice or are they just passive aggressive people you've not weeded out yet?

They might be nice. I know there are some genuinely nice/chilled people out there.

I think in general though, if someone is "too nice" there is something odd going on there, for example, they had violent parents and have reacted by becoming the opposite of them, e.g. no negative emotions.

You can generally tell passive aggressive people as their mouth is saying one thing while their eyes say something else...

anonymous_joe

If someone's actually passive aggressive then it can be very dangerous.

I've seen people have huge arguments because someone suddenly goes mad, seemingly from nowhere. It's troublesome.

bigstar

AARRRGH wrote: »

You can generally tell passive aggressive people as their mouth is saying one thing while their eyes say something else...

id be more afraid of you then!

irish_bob

AARRRGH wrote: »

As we all know, there are a lot of passive aggressive people out there. They smile and say "no problem" but inside they're thinking **** you, and like clockwork they'll do some sort of passive aggressive action as revenge.

Personally, I don't trust passive aggressive people. I have some friends who I would consider to be ****ed -- for example, I have an exceptionally racist friend who used to buy Al Qaeda DVD's before 9/11 -- but at least he's honest; I know where I stand.

But passive aggressive people are liars - they pretend they're nice and gentle when in fact they're just too weak to say how they really feel.

As a result of this, I don't trust passive aggressive people. Luckily they're easy to spot (they're oh so nice).

Am I right? Are the oh so nice passive aggressive people liars who can't be trusted?

not sure the people you are describing are passive agressives , i would class a passive agressive as someone who was arrogant yet easily humbled who after showing assertiveness , 2 seconds later comes over all appeasing , passive agressive people are fickle , in my opinion , half the population of this country are passive agressive

the people you describe are just underhanded and sneaky

WindSock

I am passive - aggressive - assertive. A walking contradiction, but I am one of those nicey nice people in general, sometimes I am genuine, othertimes I bitch behind backs while I am smiling or else there are times when I say straight out what I think and people tell me I am very harsh.

simu

Many passive-aggressive people don't necessarily understand and analyse their actions - they just act that way because it works for them as a coping strategy in life. Can you take that sort of stuff personally?

Wiki (o wise one) defines passive agressivity thus:

wiki wrote:

Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to following authoritative instructions in interpersonal or occupational situations. It can manifest itself as learned helplessness, procrastination, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, or deliberate/repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible. It is a defense mechanism, and (more often than not) only partly conscious. For example, suppose someone does not wish to attend a party. A passive-aggressive response in that situation might involve taking so long to get ready that the party is nearly over by the time they arrive.

It's not quite the same as being two-faced (which nearly everyone is, to some degree)

J.S. Pill

AARRRGH wrote: »

They smile and say "no problem" but inside they're thinking **** you,

i.e. anyone who has a boss??

Earthhorse

simu wrote: »

It's not quite the same as being two-faced (which nearly everyone is, to some degree)

Yeah, it's become one of those terms that is so misused that it has lost all meaning. A bit like inferiority complex. Just because someone is sometimes passive and other times aggresive doesn't mean they're passive-aggressive.

simu wrote: »

Many passive-aggressive people don't necessarily understand and analyse their actions - they just act that way because it works for them as a coping strategy in life. Can you take that sort of stuff personally?

To a certain extent I think you can expect adults to take reponsibility for their actions, which may including analysing and understanding them. It depends on the extent of it I think. Everyone is passive-aggressive from time to time but if it's a large part of how you deal with important issues in life then it's quite probably counter productive. But this leads on to why you've selected it as a coping mechanism which is a whole other debate.

metrovelvet

Passive aggressive is expressing your hostility and anger in such a way that you can really piss someone off without having to take responsibility for it and they can't call you on it.

Pgibson

AARRRGH wrote: »

Luckily they're easy to spot (they're oh so nice).

Hockey Moms from Alaska.

.

AARRRGH

metrovelvet wrote: »

Passive aggressive is expressing your hostility and anger in such a way that you can really piss someone off without having to take responsibility for it and they can't call you on it.

Hah... good response.

To me passive aggressive is when someone SHOULD be angry but instead smiles and says everything is ok.

So they're either lying about how they feel or they're missing some emotions. Neither are good!

pseudonym1

Oh! I always thought of them as the Michael Douglas character in that film where he goes on a mad shooting rampage - in the middle of a traffic jam! Sorry cant think of name - Not the bitchey jealous and bad minded types. Both cut from the same cloth suppose..

brianthebard

AARRRGH wrote: »

Hah... good response.

To me passive aggressive is when someone SHOULD be angry but instead smiles and says everything is ok.

So they're either lying about how they feel or they're missing some emotions. Neither are good!

That's repressing one's emotions. Bit different I think.

ChocolateSauce

Don't like them...but still, the temptation to leave a sugary-sweet post-it on the fridge asking my tenants not to eat my mayonaisse is pretty high...After all, they might deny it if I confront them face to face.

AARRRGH

brianthebard wrote: »

That's repressing one's emotions. Bit different I think.

Sorry I meant to add a bit where they follow up with some kind of petty, sly revenge.

A great example is my old boss who refused to give out to anyone or say anything negative; he would say everything is great, no complaints... but then just before he quit to go work somewhere else, he left terrible performance reviews. Sad.

brianthebard

Ah right that's sort of different I guess.

Macha

I'd say I'm a bit passive-aggressive towards one person but I'm in a situation where I can't tell the person what I think and it will be a few more weeks until I can remove myself from the situation.

So the resentment is still there but can't do anything!

Wait, this is PI right? :pac:

tribulus

taconnol wrote: »

I'd say I'm a bit passive-aggressive towards one person but I'm in a situation where I can't tell the person what I think and it will be a few more weeks until I can remove myself from the situation.

So the resentment is still there but can't do anything!

Wait, this is PI right? :pac:

Lol, as soon as it's submitted eh!

I know a couple of my girfriends friends have that type of boyfriend. Actually some of them are just flat out aggressive come to think of it.

Macha

tribulus wrote: »

Lol, as soon as it's submitted eh!

I know a couple of my girfriends friends have that type of boyfriend. Actually some of them are just flat out aggressive come to think of it.

Hey! How'd you know about my dissertation!
<<....
....>>

No it's actually my brother, who I live with. He is incredibly talented at not lifting a finger, feeling the urge to leave his window open all day every day while he goes off to work & I slowly freeze on the couch, etc. But he doesn't like criticism, in fact he can't take it at all. Already had a few bust-ups and he just can't handle it so there's no point. Must..get..job..move..out..sooon...

So if it's any consolation to others, people who are passive-aggressive normally have a tight little ball of anger inside them and are not happy people!

Sand

He is incredibly talented at not lifting a finger, feeling the urge to leave his window open all day every day while he goes off to work & I slowly freeze on the couch, etc.

So hes out working while youre relaxing on the couch all day, but hes the lazy one?

Macha

Sand wrote: »

So hes out working while youre relaxing on the couch all day, but hes the lazy one?

As you may have guessed from my post, I'm....writing a dissertation. At home. There's nothing relaxing about it.

Anyway, that has little to do with the share of housework. Unless I'm being paid, I'm not the house slave.

metrovelvet

How about someone cleaning out the coffee grounds with your baby bottle brush so that all the coffee grinds get stuck in the spongy part of it.

taconnel - heres what you do to fight fire with fire. Next time he's out and its raining,leave one of the windows open near one of his expensive pieces of electronic equipment, like a computer or stereo system.

Macha

metrovelvet wrote: »

How about someone cleaning out the coffee grounds with your baby bottle brush so that all the coffee grinds get stuck in the spongy part of it.

:eek:

metrovelvet wrote: »

taconnel - heres what you do to fight fire with fire. Next time he's out and its raining,leave one of the windows open near one of his expensive pieces of electronic equipment, like a computer or stereo system.

You're like that evil little she-devil, sitting on my left shoulder..begone! Or..should I..?? *wrings hands conspiratorily*