three's a crowd?

LegacyUser

ive been going out with my bf about 4 months at this stage and im crazy about him. the thing is i very rarely get to see him with the way we work/college so any time i do see him in my opinion is pretty special time.

the other day we arranged to meet up (i hadnt seen him for over a week) now i knew that we'd be meeting up with a friend of his later on that evening but i thought we were just going to spend a few quality hrs together first.

we decided to meet at lets say place "x" i was really looking forward to seeing him, my batt was running low and he was running a bit late so i txt him and said id meet him at the entrance he replyed saying "thats fine but keep an eye out for "q" (his sister) cause she should be there in a min) i couldnt believe it, i actually felt like crying at no time did he mention that she was coming, i was very pissed off and felt really let down. bare in mind i had been up since half5, its now 7pm,and ive a spilting headach but im making the effort.
now dont get me wrong his sister is a really nice girl and i get on with her, but i cant remember a time when she or someone else hasnt been with us. id say i taked directly to him for 10 mins that evening, got a kiss on the lips and that was it.
even if he had of txt/called me and said that "q" was coming and he was sorry we werent going to get to spend time alone that'd be fine, but he just landed it on me.
id like to know if you think im overreacting? i havent said anything to him as he's under a bit of pressure and i dont want to seem like a b*tch

aye

i think you should talk to him about it instead of keeping it to yourself.
its not unreasonable to ask that you can spend some time alone.
just assure him its not a problem with his sister, its that you want to see him on his own and be with him when you get the rare chance.

AnonoBoy

Approach this carefully and all will be well. If you do it when you're exasperated or annoyed it will wind up seeming like a huge deal and he will think you're overreacting or worse that you don't like his family and friends.

Try and organise something yourself for you and him to do. Like book a table for dinner for just the two of yous or have him over to your place when you have the house to yourself and cook him dinner and spend the evening well..... playing Connect 4 .

You mentioned he's under pressure so he might be trying to keep everyone happy, spend time with you and fit in his family and friends. No guy wants to be the sort who ignores his mates just because he has a new girl. He may not be aware that it's even a problem.

Bring it up when you're both relaxed and at ease. Don't do it by text. Phrase it alone the lines of "It's great that I really get on with your friends and sister. It's really important to me that they like me and I enjoy hanging out with them. But you know what, let's make some time just for the two of us? Whaddya say?" Then wink suggestively or whatever you're having yourself.

greenapplesea

If this is happening constantly then I definately don't think you're being unreasonable. You should definately talk to him about it because if he thinks you don't have a problem he'll let it continue. But be warned, because it's his family you need to approach it with caution- don't start a row as such but address it gently and make your main point that you want quality time with him alone, otherwise he may think you have an issue with his sister and that's not something you want to happen as it may lead to tension and further rows. Good luck!

LegacyUser

well see i think he tries too hard to please everyone thats his problem. dont think he can say no. i think its great that he gets on so well with his sister and that he really cars about her, but i just find it strange that he wouldnt even toe the line when it comes to seeing me. ive met most of his friends all lovely guys. he goes out with them more then he does with me, i dont have a problem with this as their a close bunch of lads and i think it'd be unhealthy if he stopped or cut down on seeing them.
i just cant understand how he thought it was ok to do that the other day, and its not just the other day its every day we see eachother. ive tried organising things but there'l always be something.
brought him to a family wedding(evening part) we were late leaving for it, he said he had to meet his sister (a different sister) in one of the pubs just for a few mins, again i had no problem with this, but instead we stay for petty much 2 hrs and go to 2 different pubs, didnt get to the wedding till 11. im begining to think he has no cop on. i mean ive put him before alot of things, but i dont see him doing the same for me.

Beruthiel

I don't understand why you haven't just said something.
Me, I'd just tell him straight that I'm going out with him, not his sister.
If he wishes to have her tag along with you on your dates, then he should ask you first before saying it's ok to her.
That's not an over reaction or unreasonable.
She's a gooseberry and how both of them don't see that is beyond me.

AckwelFoley

This always seems to be an issue women tend to have.

"exclusive time"

Im not saying i disagree nor agree with you, but ive never had an issue with "friends" tagging along..

LegacyUser

so synper
if you were going out with someone and if you were lucky you got to see them maybe once a week at the most you would have no problem if every time you did meet them there was someone else there?
i know im not being unreasonable, its just im uncertain on how to say it, would like to say it face to face but there'l prob be someone else there again

xfirefishx

My boyfriend and I live apart in different towns, cities, sometimes countries or whatever and we always have. I love seeing my boyfriend but sometimes I can be a bit inconsiderate I suppose and want to see my friends at the same time! Sometimes I don't even think about it - having my boyfriend with me is great. I just love him being there. But I do have to sometimes put myself into check and go, this isn't very fair for him! We do make sure we have plenty of time alone, just the two of us doing things but perhaps your boyfriend is a bit like me and just loves being with you and doesn't think that it bothers you that other people are there! Approach it gently. Suggest that you'd like to just spend some time with him alone, while reassuring him that you really like the company of his friends and family. He's maybe just not thinking about it.

AckwelFoley

overreacting? wrote: »

so synper
if you were going out with someone and if you were lucky you got to see them maybe once a week at the most you would have no problem if every time you did meet them there was someone else there?
i know im not being unreasonable, its just im uncertain on how to say it, would like to say it face to face but there'l prob be someone else there again

I understand..

But.. how often does he get to see his sister? Perhaps she has no friends and he trying to look out for her and give her a social life of sorts...

Remember one thing before you approach him on this - "blood is thicker than water"

themullet

Hey OP I know where you're coming from. I am a guy and my girlfriend used to (and sometimes still does) do exactly the same thing as your boyfriend. She has a real problem saying no to other people. Your bf sounds like a nice guy but you've got to take control of the situation. Sit down and talk to him. Tell him how you feel. I'm sure he'll understand. It worked for me anyway. You are definitely not over-reacting

John Mason

The OH and myself went out for a drink last friday night, it was the first time we had been out alone, just the 2 of us since the 16th June, when we went away for the weekend.

Its just a sign of modern life, there is something on every weekend, no matter what we plan something else comes up. hmmm maybe we are just super popular anyhoo, its not a big deal for us, at least we are together.

Dragan

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

The OH and myself went out for a drink last friday night, it was the first time we had been out alone, just the 2 of us since the 16th June, when we went away for the weekend.

Its just a sign of modern life, there is something on every weekend, no matter what we plan something else comes up. hmmm maybe we are just super popular anyhoo, its not a big deal for us, at least we are together.

But in fairness that is hardly relevant to the OP? It doesn't matter if we can get through times of not seeing the OH, it just matters that the OP feels this is affecting her happiness.

OP, just have a chat with you fella, remind him how much you like him and say you would like to see each other a bit more, alone.

It's that easy to be honest!

LegacyUser

pink fluffy buuny i know where your coming from, but i dont get to see my bf much thats the problem, we're only going out 4 months and to be honest id like to know him a bit more then i do but i never get time to talk to him alone.
his sister has a very good social life, their dad dies 2 yrs ago and i think he's trying to make up for that. i really like his sister and have a laugh with her, ive no sisters so its great that he does.
the last time we met i turned down my college class for a nite out because i wanted to see him(im class rep and really should have gone out with them)
and i love the fact he has lots of friends my previous bf didnt and it use to drive me mad as he lived in my pocket, but i think its only fair that he spilts some of his time just for me, as i do it for him
oh synper he gets to see his sis every week end and once or twice during the week

Victor

overreacting? wrote: »

pink fluffy buuny i know where your coming from, but i dont get to see my bf much thats the problem, we're only going out 4 months and to be honest id like to know him a bit more then i do but i never get time to talk to him alone.
his sister has a very good social life, their dad dies 2 yrs ago and i think he's trying to make up for that. i really like his sister and have a laugh with her, ive no sisters so its great that he does.
the last time we met i turned down my college class for a nite out because i wanted to see him(im class rep and really should have gone out with them)
and i love the fact he has lots of friends my previous bf didnt and it use to drive me mad as he lived in my pocket, but i think its only fair that he spilts some of his time just for me, as i do it for him
oh synper he gets to see his sis every week end and once or twice during the week

overreacting?, can you make sure to use proper paragraphs, as it is only fair on other people. Many people will ignore posts that are hard to read.