Girl Dilemma

needhelpguy

I need to write to get this off my chest and straighten my thoughts. Opinions are appreciated.

Right. I am in a club where I see a girl who is one year older than me a few times a week. I have known her for two years while in this club. I am early twenties.

I have been very confused as to her behaviour towards me (I had posted about this before). When we are alone she seems to be very interested in me. From her attitudes and body language I get the impression she loves talking to me and being around me. I am a fairly private guy and never had girlfriends before (which she knows) so the other day we are coming home from a club event and she starts asking me about this other girl I have an interest in elsewhere.

During this conversation we get to the point where we are discussing her own relationships. I ask is there anybody she has her eye on in the club and she says no.

I ask her about the little subtle ways she lets someone know she is interested. She listed them and I realised that she has done almost all of them to me. However this girl tells me that she only dates older guys, and is just out of a long term relationship with an older guy.

Maybe I completely got the wrong end of the stick but I got a very strong gut feeling she was interested in me and was trying to tell me in a way that didn't involve saying it directly.

But then today, I got a flat NO when I asked her the same question (any guys she had her eye on in the club and she didn't have to say a name).

Understandably, my head is wrecked. I am completely getting mixed signals. I cant stop thinking about it.

I'm all "Jesus Christ NO, there is no way she is into me SHUTUP brain you're a fool for thinking this...but then why did she say/do this...etc."

The obvious thing to say would be ask her. But I am afraid of ruining what we have, which is a very good/close friendship. That is a risk I cannot take. We work very often together and any fallout would have big consequences for me and my enjoyment of what we do.

So I am asking, silly as it may sound, are there indirect ways to gauge how she feels? I'm sure someone out there has been in this situation before who could offer guidance!

needhelpguy

needhelpguy wrote: »

So I am asking, silly as it may sound, are there indirect ways to gauge how she feels?

No. Just ask her and stop making a big deal out of it.
Persistently asking her "indirectly" would probably do more to ruin things than asking directly once and leaving it there

AngryBadger

OP forget about tryign to find out idnirectly, byt telling you she only dates older guys this girl is letting you know that you're not in the running. I'd guess that the second time you asked her she was probably blunt because she felt you weren't getting the message.

I wouldn't advise asking her directly, I think if she was interested then she would have realised you obviously felt some kind of attraction by the fact that you were quizzing her on who she liked in the club, which would have given her an opportunity to let you know she had a similar feeling.

This didn't happen, which would make me think she sees you as a friend, but not as a bf.

P.S. Many women will often act toward close male friends in a manner similar to how they'd act toward a guy they were interested in eg. lots of physical contact, as a friend it's because they trust you and don't fear being rejected since you're a friend, as a guy they're attracted to it's one way for them to let you know they want more intimate contact; by increasing physical contact.

Tazzle

You've procrastinated too long buddy. Leave it off. Move on.

needhelpguy

*sigh* Ah well...

At least we can still be good friends.

Here's to another 20 years of singledom!

TheZohanS

needhelpguy wrote: »

I need to write to get this off my chest and straighten my thoughts. Opinions are appreciated.

Right. I am in a club where I see a girl who is one year older than me a few times a week. I have known her for two years while in this club. I am early twenties.

I have been very confused as to her behaviour towards me (I had posted about this before). When we are alone she seems to be very interested in me. From her attitudes and body language I get the impression she loves talking to me and being around me. I am a fairly private guy and never had girlfriends before (which she knows) so the other day we are coming home from a club event and she starts asking me about this other girl I have an interest in elsewhere.

During this conversation we get to the point where we are discussing her own relationships. I ask is there anybody she has her eye on in the club and she says no.

I ask her about the little subtle ways she lets someone know she is interested. She listed them and I realised that she has done almost all of them to me. However this girl tells me that she only dates older guys, and is just out of a long term relationship with an older guy.

Maybe I completely got the wrong end of the stick but I got a very strong gut feeling she was interested in me and was trying to tell me in a way that didn't involve saying it directly.

But then today, I got a flat NO when I asked her the same question (any guys she had her eye on in the club and she didn't have to say a name).

Understandably, my head is wrecked. I am completely getting mixed signals. I cant stop thinking about it.

I'm all "Jesus Christ NO, there is no way she is into me SHUTUP brain you're a fool for thinking this...but then why did she say/do this...etc."

The obvious thing to say would be ask her. But I am afraid of ruining what we have, which is a very good/close friendship. That is a risk I cannot take. We work very often together and any fallout would have big consequences for me and my enjoyment of what we do.

So I am asking, silly as it may sound, are there indirect ways to gauge how she feels? I'm sure someone out there has been in this situation before who could offer guidance!

Go for it buddy, look at what you wrote, it's blatantly obvious she likes you as more than a friend.

You will only ever regret the things you didn't do, not the things you did when it comes to stuff like this.

Do you really want the rest of your days wondering????

Grab your phone now and send her a text: "hey I've just been thinking; how about you and I head out on a date sometime?"

If she she is interested at all she'll say yes!!

If she says no then get back on the boards and we'll come up with a solution to that.

It's a win-win situation, NOW is the time to take the opportunity BEFORE she meets a dude that will just ask her straight out.

Pj!

None of us really know the situation mate.

Its up to you to figure it out. Do you go out for drinks with her? If not, ask her out some night.

G&T

She is wrecking your head to make herself feel good,
She knows who your talking about when you ask the "cryptic question"

Its never gona happen,

For my sin's I was once that girl,