Am I the only loser??

LegacyUser

I wold just like to know if am I the only single woman in her 30's with no boyfriend, no kids living in a shared flat?? It is really scaring me now the way time just flies by I'm getting older but things dont change... Will I be single forever??? Will I share flat forever?? Will I be 50 by the time my first child goes to school?? Am I exaggerating, are there more women like me who don't even worry about it???

MagicMarker

If you keep thinking that way, then yeah, more than likely you will stay that way.

There's nothing wrong with being single at any stage in your life, certainly nothing wrong with sharing a flat, unless you're sharing with your parents:)

Stay positive, if you don't want to share then start saving for a house, if you don't want to be single then get yourself out there, try online dating etc.

Jimmy.Joe

Ok deep take a deep breath first of all.

Firstly you are not the only single woman in her 30s, I have sister who is in the same position, I'm putting the reason for her being single down to the fact that there is a serious lack of normal (& nice) people in this country. In fact there is an abundance of weirdos in Ireland.

Is a boyfriend essential for you are the moment? I ask this because I've been out of a relationship for a year and I'm loving the single experience, lots of time to do the activities that I want.

impr0v

Chillax, you are legion.

Most girls are a lot more upbeat about it though. Check out:

http://annierhiannon.blogspot.com/
http://irishflirtysomething.com/

TheZohanS

unreg1 wrote: »

I wold just like to know if am I the only single woman in her 30's with no boyfriend, no kids living in a shared flat??

Absolutely not.

unreg1 wrote: »

It is really scaring me now the way time just flies by I'm getting older but things dont change... Will I be single forever???

Probably not, you just haven't met the right person yet. It is better to be single than be in a bad relationship.

unreg1 wrote: »

Will I share flat forever??

Probably, but chances are it will be with your boyfriend/husband, maybe even kids.

unreg1 wrote: »

Will I be 50 by the time my first child goes to school??

You might be younger. But imagine the vast amount of knowledge you will be able to pass onto that child. That's one lucky child.

unreg1 wrote: »

Am I exaggerating, are there more women like me who don't even worry about it???

No, women dont exaggerate.

I have lots of single female friends in their early 30's and in a similar situation.

Enjoy your freedom whilst you have it, you never know when you'll bump into Mr.Right. It will happen when you least expect it.

Karen_*

TheZohan wrote: »

No, women dont exaggerate.

Zohan you're a legend:D

You're not a loser OP. There are all different circumstances. The great news is that you're only in your early thirties and have loads more living to do so please don't write yourself off just yet. Give it another 25 years before you despair.

SarahMc

Karen_* wrote: »

The great news is that you're only in your early thirties.

Huh, how do you know OP is in her early 30s? V different place and advice to be given early 30s v late 30s.

sock.rocker*

SarahMc wrote: »

Huh, how do you know OP is in her early 30s? V different place and advice to be given early 30s v late 30s.

unreg1 wrote: »

I wold just like to know if am I the only single woman in her 30's

its fairly easy to spot..

trynabe

Dont worry yourself , ive 1 friend married ,2 in relationships and about ten single ,the youngest is 28 the oldest is 36 ,granted me and all of them are fellas but were all thinking the same as you,,, we just joke about it ,,,some of them are actually good catches so you relax the men are out their searching for ya ,just make sure you dont hide away
take care

LegacyUser

I get attention on the streets and in work all the time, but they all are either married (no way) or just pure freaks. It just like I'm some sort of a$$hole attraction. Not one day goes by i don't get approached or something to that matter. I just want to meet that normal guy nice, funny affectionate who i could have all those things i was talking about with. Are there any normal single guys left out there????

seanybiker

plenty of us are normal. And your not a loser. Jaysus your only in your 30s sure. Plenty of time

aidan24326

unreg1 wrote: »

I get attention on the streets and in work all the time, but they all are either married (no way) or just pure freaks. It just like I'm some sort of a$$hole attraction. Not one day goes by i don't get approached or something to that matter. I just want to meet that normal guy nice, funny affectionate who i could have all those things i was talking about with. Are there any normal single guys left out there????

Your attitude is way too negative, which will not help your situation at all. According to you there's nothing but freaks and weirdos out there, I really don't think that's true. There's a few decent people too. If you're attracting the wrong types you need to consider why. I know a single girl in her early 30s who consistently attracts the wrong types, but cannot or will not see that it's mainly her own fault.

RossFixxxed

Ah yes all men who are single are monsters, murderers, serial killers, rapists, pornogrophers, shut ins, nerds and abusive lunatics... Really. There are LOADS of great single guys out there, bloody hell you may just be feeling the clock ticking but you're young and if you have half a personality you'll be sure there's someone wonderful out there for you!

R

Shapes

To be honest....

I wonder the same thing from this side of the fence. I have a huge amount going for me yet cannot seem to find missus right.....

I own my own penthouse apartment, I have a well paid job in a very secure industry, I own a car and access to land to build a house in the country should I so wish, I'm musically talented being a producer, drummer and professional DJ in my spare time with well grounded hopes of 'making it' on some level in the music business, I have deep rooted spiritual beliefs that allow me to know the positive is the only outlook that makes any sense of any situation, I have family and friends that would die for me and I've been told I'm a very good looking guy who looks after his body and 'is the coolest person anyone could ever meet'!

On paper it's all gravy, YET.........

I have to admit, the single life is something that I enjoy very much but after 7 years of it I'm ready to share my life rather than live it through just one viewpoint. I'm well aware others have the same problems and one has to wonder how can there be so many who feel the same way yet there are so many left in this same situation?

sunnyside

Shapes wrote: »

I own my own penthouse apartment, I have a well paid job in a very secure industry, I own a car and access to land to build a house in the country should I so wish, I'm musically talented being a producer, drummer and professional DJ in my spare time with well grounded hopes of 'making it' on some level in the music business, I have deep rooted spiritual beliefs that allow me to know the positive is the only outlook that makes any sense of any situation, I have family and friends that would die for me and I've been told I'm a very good looking guy who looks after his body and 'is the coolest person anyone could ever meet'!

:eek: Most single women would run a mile from that. It's a list of assests, things you own, what about personality and how you would treat a woman? I'm 30 and single, similar to OP except I have a mortgage on my own. I'm fairly independent and what I want from a man is some nice guy to give me a hug when I come home, make me a cup of tea when I've had a bad day, ask me how my day was...not penthouse apartments and access to a building sites in the country. Not meaning to offend you shapes but that post comes across as arrogant.

Karen_*

SarahMc wrote: »

Huh, how do you know OP is in her early 30s? V different place and advice to be given early 30s v late 30s.

I assume she would have said she was almost 40 if she was in her late thirties. What wildly different advice would you give someone in their late thirties?

Well lucky you OP that you're getting approaches every day. You must be gorgeous! Why don't you give someone a chance instead of writing everyone off as freaks? I know I've met people in the past who I didn't like at all on first impression and once I got to know them I really liked them.

Are you sizing men up for marriage the minute you meet them? It wouldn't be unusual for women to do that even subconsciously.

I'd say go against your instincts and just get to know people and you can make a better judgement when you know them. And some of the freaks could tunr out to be good friends and they in turn will have friends. Lose the negative attitude because that won't serve you well and will just make you miserable. Focus on being happy as you are and that will attract more people to you.

Shapes

I totally agree :O)

Thank God there's a few good women left! The one thing is miss most due to being single is intimacy and if that list had gotten me positive responses all would have been lost. If I can't be loved for who I am I chose not to be loved for what I might or might not have.

As Jesus taught : Do not store up your treasures on Earth where rust can destroy, fire can burn of thief steal but store up your treasures in Heaven where your heavenly Father will bestow upon you glory and love in return for your good deeds to one another.

VW08

Your not a loser so relax.

It'd be far FAR worse if you were going out with someone that you didnt really like just for the sake of it.

You have plenty of time, no point in rushing into anything because your in a state of panic.

It'll all come good in the end, and you'll be wondering why you were so worried at all!!

togster

It's easy to spot desperation a mile away. OP why is it so important to you that you are in a relationship. Some of the most interesting people i know are single people in their 40's who have travelled and have lots of friends and are great people to be around. You might or might not find somebody. You need to be capable of living a full round life by yourself.

Katgurl

Meet your sister OP. I'm 30, single and live in shared accommodation with two other ladies in the City Centre.

I love it though! Its my first time not being in a relationship for years so my thinking is there will come a time for marriage / babies and even though i'm really looking forward to that, i'm sure there will be times I'll look back on this period of life and think wistfully how easy it all was so I might aswell enjoy it while I have it.

Cheer up - whats' that expression if you smile, the world smiles back or something. cheesy I know but its true.

AckwelFoley

unreg1 wrote: »

I wold just like to know if am I the only single woman in her 30's with no boyfriend, no kids living in a shared flat?? It is really scaring me now the way time just flies by I'm getting older but things dont change... Will I be single forever??? Will I share flat forever?? Will I be 50 by the time my first child goes to school?? Am I exaggerating, are there more women like me who don't even worry about it???

calm dowm.

Its 2008 theres bleedin millions of ye out there!!

Did you never watch sex and the city??

Join a dating website like match.com, its apparently a great way to meet people for dates, however, be warey there are particularly alot of "older" married men looking for flings too, so you need to weed them out.

Calm down and dont pnic about this, the more you think about it the more anxious you become and Mr Right wont appear until you are not actively looking - thats a true scientific fact

von Neumann

unreg1 wrote: »

I get attention on the streets and in work all the time, but they all are either married (no way) or just pure freaks. It just like I'm some sort of a$$hole attraction. Not one day goes by i don't get approached or something to that matter. I just want to meet that normal guy nice, funny affectionate who i could have all those things i was talking about with. Are there any normal single guys left out there????

Good for you, the attention bit anyway.
To be honest it gets harder the older we get.
We then to see the wood from the trees (partner wise anyway).

Good luck with the search........but maybe start building a single life your happy with, that way you can cover all bases.

Dragan

unreg1 wrote: »

I get attention on the streets and in work all the time, but they all are either married (no way) or just pure freaks. It just like I'm some sort of a$$hole attraction. Not one day goes by i don't get approached or something to that matter. I just want to meet that normal guy nice, funny affectionate who i could have all those things i was talking about with. Are there any normal single guys left out there????

I see this same line tottered out each and every day on PI.

What are you doing to meet these nice guys and do you bother approaching anyone yourself?

sunnydelight

hey you are not alone i'm 34 single and have been for 4years, and so
are most of my friends, not a man among us. & if lads were coming up to
me on a daily basis i'd be like happy days, count yourself lucky:)

McGinty

I know a single girl in her early 30s who consistently attracts the wrong types, but cannot or will not see that it's mainly her own fault./QUOTE]

I'd say this applies to anyone both female and male. I had the above attitude problem, I had a placard that said 'bastards please come this'. Basically Op what is your genuine perspective on men, do you think they are all bastards? Are you convinced that they are all set to hurt you? I feel it is crucial to examine your own attitudes both to yourself and how you view men if you want to have a loving relationship (this equally applies to men). If you see all men as bad news/bastards or not to be trusted, guess what, that is exactly what you will get. I promise you this happens because I have been around the block and constantly banging into the same door, namely attracting bastards. I realised five years ago it was something in me so I worked on it. I am now in a relationship, it happened very quickly (like you I was lonely and really wanted to be with someone and thought it would never happen). The gas thing was just prior to meeting my partner I had come to accept things as they were, and make the most of my life without someone, then it happened. I also did a lot of work on my attitude, it is still a work in progress, but if you see men as like us women, in need of love, affection, intimacy etc, I think you will find that nice guy, because believe it or not I believe there are a lot of nice men out there if you just open yourself to that. One thing that greatly changed my attitude and it is something I see here in PI, is that men are often accused of using a woman for sex, and I used to think the same way when I asked myself what did I get out of that and I realised that I was also using those men for my own purposes, basically that using is a two way process, one can't be used without their say so. I learned that I was using sex as a means to get intimacy etc, so I just thought I'd throw that one into the mix, it may not apply to you but just in case it does.

Overheal

I'd reccomend watching Terms of Endearment tbh. Jack Nicholson was brilliant in that and it would probably brighten your day OP - it can happen anytime.

JackieO

Shapes wrote: »

To be honest....

I wonder the same thing from this side of the fence. I have a huge amount going for me yet cannot seem to find missus right.....

I own my own penthouse apartment, I have a well paid job in a very secure industry, I own a car and access to land to build a house in the country should I so wish, I'm musically talented being a producer, drummer and professional DJ in my spare time with well grounded hopes of 'making it' on some level in the music business, I have deep rooted spiritual beliefs that allow me to know the positive is the only outlook that makes any sense of any situation, I have family and friends that would die for me and I've been told I'm a very good looking guy who looks after his body and 'is the coolest person anyone could ever meet'!

On paper it's all gravy, YET.........

I have to admit, the single life is something that I enjoy very much but after 7 years of it I'm ready to share my life rather than live it through just one viewpoint. I'm well aware others have the same problems and one has to wonder how can there be so many who feel the same way yet there are so many left in this same situation?

Sparks - Can I have you???

Only kidding. Don't think by BF would be too impressed.

OP - you are certainly not alone. I have a lot of single friends in their early 30's. I find that you are most likely to find love when you are least looking for it. Concentrate on making your life fulfilling and enjoying being on your own. This is when you are most likely to meet someone!

CALI

The phrase "when you least expect it" or "when you aren't looking for it" always interests me cos really, when are you ever not really looking for it? Should you just give up on guys totally and one will come along? That doesn't seem too productive either!! But I guess people on this know better than me!!:D

trynabe

unreg1 wrote: »

I get attention on the streets and in work all the time, but they all are either married (no way) or just pure freaks. It just like I'm some sort of a$$hole attraction. Not one day goes by i don't get approached or something to that matter. I just want to meet that normal guy nice, funny affectionate who i could have all those things i was talking about with. Are there any normal single guys left out there????

AH there is
Honestly their probably searching for someone like you,, unless your nuts or your seven foot tall with no hands , but how do you know every guy who approaches you is an a$$hole or freak ,, fellas get nervous when they approah a woman, its like a test for us , ya gotta take a chance and give sum1 time to relax and show their true side then decide ,, you will know if you "click" or not ,, plus if its terrible you`l have a funny story to tell afterwards
anyhoo take it easy

LegacyUser

CALI wrote: »

The phrase "when you least expect it" or "when you aren't looking for it" always interests me cos really, when are you ever not really looking for it? Should you just give up on guys totally and one will come along? That doesn't seem too productive either!! But I guess people on this know better than me!!:D

I find that phrase odd too TBH. If you're not doing anything to meet and get to know men, where the hell are they going to spring from? Behind the sofa?
Online dating is well and good but you have to get out there too and meet people in a social setting and not just via a keyboard.

OP, you're not a loser. There's thousands and thousands of people in Ireland just like you. There's nothing wrong with you.

However, there's also nothing wrong with having a moan about being single and worrying about meeting The One and having kids.
It's almost taboo for a woman now to say she'd be happier in a relationship and wants babies.
I used to get heartily sick of people telling me how cool it was to be single and listing all the cool things you can do as a single person when I really wanted to meet someone special!

LegacyUser

togster wrote: »

It's easy to spot desperation a mile away. OP why is it so important to you that you are in a relationship.

Nobody who has ever met me or spoke to me would ever say i look or sound desperate and that those kind of thought are going through my mind. I'm always in a god humor always laughing and making jokes I'm very approachable and never look less than 99%. I'm not being big headed now, just want to give you a little idea what sort of person I am. I'm not as much worried about the whole situation as just wondering should I be worried. Obviously not ....... :-)

Annie Rhiannon

Everybody in this thread should just marry each other, then there's no problem.

Bagsy penthouse guy.

Darragh29

unreg1 wrote: »

I get attention on the streets and in work all the time, but they all are either married (no way) or just pure freaks. It just like I'm some sort of a$$hole attraction. Not one day goes by i don't get approached or something to that matter. I just want to meet that normal guy nice, funny affectionate who i could have all those things i was talking about with. Are there any normal single guys left out there????

I have an auntie who was saying exactly what is in the quote above, when she was in her early 30's. The problem all along was that she thought that many people who she interacted with on a daily basis were out of her league, like below her, freaks, annoying, etc, etc, etc. Now she is in her mid 50's and still single. She also swore blind that she attracted freaks. She was an attractive woman in her day but her attitude probably made any guy who noticed her write her off as aloof and upedy. I mean this in the best possible context, but there is really no reason why you should be having any difficulty meeting a decent respectable person in 2008, unless you are meeting them and judging them prematurely.

Karen_*

Some people will remain single and some people won't own their own home. If thats what constitutes a loser to you then yes you're a loser but you're not the only one. There are also married losers and losers in their twenties. I think its all down to attitude.

Shapes

unreg1 wrote: »

togster wrote: »

It's easy to spot desperation a mile away. OP why is it so important to you that you are in a relationship.

Nobody who has ever met me or spoke to me would ever say i look or sound desperate and that those kind of thought are going through my mind. I'm always in a god humor always laughing and making jokes I'm very approachable and never look less than 99%. I'm not being big headed now, just want to give you a little idea what sort of person I am. I'm not as much worried about the whole situation as just wondering should I be worried. Obviously not ....... :-)

You never know.... this post might have solved the problem for ya.... Who knows where things could go if you pm me!!! lol

Quote..... "always laughing and making jokes".... you'll defo appreciate one when you hear it then :O)

Best of luck!!

SarahMc

Karen_* wrote: »

I assume she would have said she was almost 40 if she was in her late thirties. What wildly different advice would you give someone in their late thirties?

People in their late 30s do not refer to themselves as almost 40. I'm 38, I'm in my 30s OK

If OP is early 30s, chillax as most other posters have said, if she is late 30s, it can be much harder to do so, and more proaction may be required, both on the home ownership and relationship side.

Karen_*

OP how old are you before me and Sarah come to blows?:p

Sarah I'm just messing;)

I take your point Sarah, I personally would probably have given the same advice if the OP was late thirties but I guess I'm looking at things from my own perspective which is early thirties. Also although its harder as you get older I do think its possible to change things for yourself and I think attitude has alot to do with it. A 'can-do' and a positive attitude can work wonders. But its easier said than done to get into the mindset.

IanCurtis

Shapes wrote: »

To be honest....

I wonder the same thing from this side of the fence. I have a huge amount going for me yet cannot seem to find missus right.....

I own my own penthouse apartment, I have a well paid job in a very secure industry, I own a car and access to land to build a house in the country should I so wish, I'm musically talented being a producer, drummer and professional DJ in my spare time with well grounded hopes of 'making it' on some level in the music business, I have deep rooted spiritual beliefs that allow me to know the positive is the only outlook that makes any sense of any situation, I have family and friends that would die for me and I've been told I'm a very good looking guy who looks after his body and 'is the coolest person anyone could ever meet'!

On paper it's all gravy, YET.........

I have to admit, the single life is something that I enjoy very much but after 7 years of it I'm ready to share my life rather than live it through just one viewpoint. I'm well aware others have the same problems and one has to wonder how can there be so many who feel the same way yet there are so many left in this same situation?

You've answered your own question there with you ridiculous big-headed vain opinion of yourself :rolleyes: No wonder you're single...you're too in love with yourself and your materialistic view of the world.

"I've been told I'm a very good looking guy who looks after his body and 'is the coolest person anyone could ever meet'"

Dear oh dear

Charisma

The grass is always greener on THE OTHER SIDE.Im married with two grownupish kids and a badly dipso hubby. Enjoy what you have today to the best of your ability. I do, bad and all as it is. t wont always be this way. Its where I am now. Not for always. Just now. YOUR WHOLE LIFE CAN CHANGE IN AN INSTANT. YOU JUST HAVE TO BE THERE- NOT PLANNING THE FUTURE- JUST IN THE NOW.If its meant for you it will come to you.

Shapes

Annie Rhiannon wrote: »

Everybody in this thread should just marry each other, then there's no problem.

Bagsy penthouse guy.

Lol.... you're assuming I'm not one of the 'freaks' and haven't just made all that up to get myself some attention! Way to go me, it worked!

Shapes

IanCurtis wrote: »

You've answered your own question there with you ridiculous big-headed vain opinion of yourself :rolleyes: No wonder you're single...you're too in love with yourself and your materialistic view of the world.

"I've been told I'm a very good looking guy who looks after his body and 'is the coolest person anyone could ever meet'"

Dear oh dear

Please don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

CursedSkeptic

Is it at all possible that you are only feeling under pressure because you are not fitting into a standard society view of what you should be like? Why is it valuable, and what is its meaning. There is no reason why you have to do what is expected of you

Celtic67

I'm a 33 y/o bloke and in the same position. The last relationship of any length was 7 years ago but have been involved with several women in the mean time.
Have good job, own home and several interests but it just doesn't seem to be happening for me. I was talking to my buddy last night about who is 30 and single also. I think deep down I have accepted that I will be remain single as I just can't picture myself with anyone. I do enjoy several aspects of the single life but I would genuinely love to meet someone but I can't see it happening. I dont feel any pressure to be in a relationship but it would be nice to have sonmeone etc etc although a big fear I'd have is to meet someone and just go all in for the sake of it without actually having true feelings for the girl and not being 100% committed.