Really need to boost my self esteem but cant

LegacyUser

Ok I don't want to come across as a big victim because i'm not. I'm a really positive person,I'm very upbeat and I don't walk around all day thinking i've been dealt a bad hand or anything - it's just on the inside I feel so inferior.

I'm not really sure where it came from, I used to be a bit overweight and i despised myself then but I lost a lot of weight a few years ago. I actually know that i am probably quite good looking but if i get compliments or see nice photos of myself my instant feeling in my head is "Oh if they could see me up close" or "Oh i don't look like myself in that picture"....It's not just about looks either - I really do feel like i'm only doing well at work because people haven't realised i'm crap yet etc. Logically I can convince myself that my results at work are all down to how hard i work but i just can't make myself FEEL that way - does that make any sense??

I've made some really bad men choices too which i don't think has helped me. I lost my virginity when i was 15 to my friends 26 year old brother, everyone fancied him and i didn't even know what I had done tilll it was over and in my innocence I believed the next day he would be my boyfriend but instead he denied the whole thing and called me a liar - it makes sense now but back then it hurt so bad. Then when i was 18 I got involved with a guy who had a girlfriend, we saw eachother on and off behind her back (although he used to lie to me about whether he was with her or not) and he constantly denied me too!! Again, now I can understand why but it hurt me at the time - then finally i met a guy who i fell head over heels in love with, not that he was all that great but i was just happy to find anyone who would go out with me but in 2 and a half years with him he never introduced me to his mother or most of his friends - now this guy had more issues than i will ever have....and again, that explains this BUT........why do i keep being denied - i feel so ****ty about myself. The thing is I have such a good job, I'm so successful, I have so many friends, I've got nice things and i get on well with my family. I have been struggling with bulimia but I've just in the last 3 months got a hold of that and i'm talking to a counsellor and as much as i can say all these logical things to myself and believe them - I just don't feel them.

Am i screwed?

Karen_*

Well you're screwed when you think you are and stay in that mindset. You're very very negative and all it takes is a simple choice to change that. On the one hand you're bigging yourself up and then you seem to be saying but since I'm so great then why do I seem to be getting such a bad hand? Well partly because you expect to and partly because you feel sorry for yourself. Not saying that everything's been a bed of roses for you but if you really want things to happen then change your thought processes.

'Everything bad always happens to me' is a very common thought in people. But bad things happen to everyone and we all go out with people we shouldn't have. Learn from things. The next time don't ignore the big red flags at the beginning of a relationship. Don't accept treatment beneath what you would reasonably expect.

JemimaPD

No your not screwed however you are in a rut. Now i'm not in the medical or psychological so what i have to say is purely my own opinion on what has been wrote.

feellow wrote: »

I lost my virginity when i was 15 to my friends 26 year old brother, AND Then when i was 18 I got involved with a guy who had a girlfriend

Ok so you had a bad run of fellas. If i were you i'd give myself a break. You cannot blame yourself for all your mistakes in the past but you can learn from them. With the person you are with right now or the new guy on the block, give it time and try not give him the same tarred feather as the previous guys BUT do not take any s1**e from him, you deserve a lot of respect.

I'm going out on a limb here but i suspect your low self esteem problems is actually from when you were overweight. Some comments, hurtful or harmless have stuck in your head. Unfortunately you may have listened to them once too often where you now believe what was said. Take it from a person who had no self worth, no self confidence and no self esteem its a pretty lonely time. For me i found that a good self help book from any book store worked wonders and the Tae-kwon-do classes every week were brilliant. Now i dont have tonnes of self confidence and self esteem now a days but i have sufficient so when some one comments on how i look etc I can faithfully tell them where they can shove their negative comments (if you get my drift). Never ever let anyone tell you that you are worthless or say a negative comment about you. Whether you agree with them (on your bad days) or not, Politely or rudely tell them to shut up.

Bulimia in itself is horrible to deal with. My friend went thru it. It takes a lot out of ya and I'm glad your going to a counsellor. Try going to an evening class (swimming/self defence/horse riding) or what ever takes your fancy as this will help.

Good luck