All advise greatly appreciated!

DeiseChick87

hey everyone,

dont even know where 2 start with this one but here goes :rolleyes:

ok so, basically ive been friends (on & off) with this girl, since we started primary school but we're both in college now, doing seperate courses. When we're on our own, things are grand, hunky dory. However she knows ive very little confidence, self esteem, self worth, blah blah blah & she uses it to her advantage ALOT.
Alot of people ask me why im friends with her as shes very manipulative and loves misery (and laughs at others misfortune).

oh god i cant even explain it in words it was small things at the start like 'oh god are u really wearing that?' 'oh u shouldnt say/do/show that' and i left her off with it, like the complete fool that i am! basically she makes a fool outta me in public. She belittles me in any way she can, in front of anyone at all. and im soo sick of it, but i cant stop it. i can be on top of the world one minute & in the space of 2seconds (usually after recieving a txt from her) i just feel like absolute crap! She gets a kick outta hurting me, telling me my 'bf' was cheatin on me (which is poss the nicest thing shes ever done i may add), who he was cheating with, then flaunting around on nites out talking to them both! Going places she knows we'll bump into them & then pretend she didnt know. She ridicules me obout my hair, size, clothes, fella's, other friends, family...everything! and its getting me sooo down!!! My college friends & family keep tellin me to lose her as nobody should have to put up with that.

i hav a long term illness, which is something i dont tell most people bout, bcause people define me by it (prob not intentionally tho!) nway had major surgery a few mths back & was in intensive care afterwards. she was celebrating her bday during this time & she went ballistic at me, how unthoughtful of me and how 'she'd be busy wen it came to my 21st' etc... (she didnt show by the way...best friends only wen it suits her!)
ive been having a really crappy time lately, esp this year. i got diagnosed wit severe depression a lil while after the op. Did some very stupid things, which hav prob hurt alot of people, esp my family. And somethings i personally will never forgive myself for. the thing that hurts the most is that for someone who 'claims' to be my best friend, i couldnt even go to her for help or support, as shes the type to spread it like wildfire! i mean she laughs at girls that we went to school wit who find out there pregnant or watever, i mean get a grip!!! guess u cud say she loves misery!

ive failed so many times in every aspect of my life & im sick of the whole lot to be honest. dont get me wrong im not blaming her for my problems, but she sure as hell dont help. i believe the term is "kicking me while im down".

sorry for the long post & the whole rant thing but its driving me crazy. i need to know if im over-reacting? or what should i do? seein it in writing just confirms to me even more that i need to get away from her! the problem is, im too soft, and i hav no idea what to say or do. i really dont wanta hurt her in anyway, but i need to put myself first for once.

i'd really appreciate ANY help or advise.

thanx alot x

Dudess

You're not over-reacting, that's for sure. I think a lot of us have a friend who can drive us insane but we're friends with them because of their good points and we know they'd be there for us when things get rough.

However the above doesn't apply to this girl at all - you're right: she IS making your existing problems (which can be sorted) worse. I don't think she seems like someone you could talk things over with, so I'd advise you to avoid having anything to do with her any more. I know you're afraid you'll hurt her - maybe she's the one who should be concerned about hurting people. She needs to be made aware that her behaviour is unacceptable and you cutting ties with her is a good way of doing that.

Jack B. Badd

Why are you friends with this person? You've posted an awful lot of reasons why you shouldn't be friends with her but I've seen nothing to recommend her as a friend.

jesus_thats_gre

She is a complete ****. You shouldn't be hanging around with *****. You can guess the rest.

TheZohanS

She's not a real friend, a real friend would never treat you the way she does.

Break off contact and let her do her own thing. You deserve better and you know this, go with your gut instinct.

Scoobydoobydoo

Sounds like you've enough on your plate, without having to deal with this granny. She sounds very attention seeking and immature, needs to grow up. If it was me, I'd arrange to have a chat with her, outline what's bothering you, tell her it's an unhealthy friendship, the negatives far outweigh the positives (if any), and you can't be doing with it. It doesn't have to be all about your illness, no, but you just need a normal, supportive, positive friend like anyone does, not piling on the stress - who needs a friend like that? Tell her what you feel and if she doesn't respond appropriately, I'm afraid it's her loss - leave her to go find herself another punchbag to poke fun at. I'd rather have no friends than horrible ones. You have to mean it though, gently but firmly, cop herself on or get lost, otherwise, you're wasting your time.
By the way, only bother giving her a chance if you think it's worth it for some reason. Good luck.

Dizzyblonde

Some people need to put others down all the time in order to feel better about themselves, and your friend sounds like one of these people. You deserve better than this, so if you want to try to keep the friendship you'll have to start challenging her about this and let her know that you won't have it. Otherwise move on and leave her behind, because this is not a healthy relationship.
Real friends make us feel good about ourselves, not bad.

tbh

DeiseChick87 wrote: »

She belittles me in any way she can, in front of anyone at all. and im soo sick of it, but i cant stop it.

yes you can, sure you can. You don't even need us to tell you how to do it. The only reason you are posting here is because you don't know whether or not it is the right thing to do. It is the right thing to do. You don't have to consider her feelings, frankly, because she's never considered yours. So next time you are out, and she says something nasty, the best thing you can do is say - as calmly and as reasonably as you can (so it doesn't look like you are upset) - "you know what? I'm actually done with you putting me down all the time. Let's just call it a day" and walk away. And you're done. You don't have to talk to her ever again, unless you want to.

FionaC

I was in a similar situation but nothing as bad as this girl sounds. My friend at the time used to put me down and went crazy at me for the smallest things. When i would be happy for example - got my diploma she'd say "Can you get a job with that". Very bitchy remarks which would take any happiness away i had. All my mates told me to dump her. Its such a hard thing to do but afterwards i swear you will feel like a weight has been lifted and you can make more/better friends with other nicer people.

People who support you and want to see you happy.

That is what you need in life. You might actually do her a favour. She might realise what a ***** she is being and be more conscious of what she says to her "friends".

What i did anyway (not saying it is a great way but the only way i had the guts to do it). I wrote her a big long letter explaining why she either has to realise what she is doing and accept that she is doing it, and want to change or else i don't want her in my life. Simple as.

She has made other friends and i'm happy for her. Drop this girl you have other friends and you don't need people like her making life any harder for yourself.

Hope it works out,

George Carbery

Its staring you in the face ..... she,s not worth it .... move on get help fpr your depression and put yourself first.

You deserve better.

Burial

You don't need my advice, as I'll just say what your family were advicing you to do. Don't continue being friends with a person who has no respect for you and who makes you feel bad about yourself AND intentionally goes out of her way to hurt you mentally... Avoid her like the plague.

SpookyDoll

what should i do?

Get rid of the evil witch without one more minutes hesitation.
She is extremely nasty. I cannot believe you have allowed her to treat you like this.

She will no doubt wreak some sort of revenge on you for rejecting her but at least you know it will be the last.

People will start to see through her as they get burned by her and as ye all grow up so dont fret about the damage to your reputation she has done. Its temporary really.

Other than that, I hope you are ok and on the road to recovery.

x

BaZmO*

DeiseChick87 wrote: »

...but i cant stop it...

Yes you can, in fact you're the only one that can.

LegacyUser

How can you call this person a friend,she is contemptible in her behavior towards you - a friend is someone who supports you, accepts you for what you are and is there when you need them. Ditch her like lightning.

Big Knox

OP do you honestly have to come to an internet forum to ask advice on this? I thought the answer was blatantly obvious from reading that.

This person CONSTANTLY puts you down, makes you feel bad about yourself, makes fun of you in public, clearly has no real care about your wellbeing and not once did you mention any upside in you being friends with her.

I think you know what you need to do but are afraid of the consequences. Keep your head up and tell this complete waste of life where to go and I promise things will get better. She will probably come on very strong initially and try make matters worse but just ignore her and soon you will see things will be alot better off without her in your life.

Best of luck OP, hope it works out for you!!

AnonoBoy

DeiseChick87 wrote: »

we're both in college now, doing seperate courses.

I really dont wanta hurt her in anyway, but i need to put myself first for once.

You're in different courses, time to distance yourself. Be busy when she wants to meet up - make new friends and get away from her.

Don't worry about her feelings because she clearly doesn't worry about yours. There's no need to be nasty or mean to her - just stop hanging around with her.

corribdude

"I really dont wanta hurt her in anyway, but i need to put myself first for once."

Hurt her? She's the one who has been hurting you for years and she had no problem doing it. You should be feeling angry about this situation, not sad or awkward - you have finally realised that this bitch is no friend of yours and is has made your life a misery for a number of years. When you get angry about something it's alot easier to say what needs to be said, which in this case is - "go and **** yourself you ignorant bitch, I'm sick of you treating me like crap, i want nothing more to do with you'.

Dudess

Yeah **** being worried about hurting her. Maybe she should consider the fact that it would be 100% her fault?

DeiseChick87

guess i knew somewhere in my mind that this isnt a normal friendship. just didnt know how to do it or what to say!
i didnt realise how bad the situation was, coz im in the middle of it. this is the only sort of friendship ive ever know with her.

its great to get an outsiders point of view. Really appreciate it!!!!!

thanx a mill xoxoxo

twanda

Kick her to the kerb OP.
I had a friend years ago, who was the very same, used to make me feel like s**t when she felt like it. Dunno why people have to be like that -- maybe in some weird way, belittling others makes them feel better about themselves..
Anyway I just stopped calling round to this girl - stopped hanging round with her completely, and I never looked back
Don't waste another day with this 'friend'.