I think i'm having a break down.

LegacyUser

As the title says, i think i'm having some sort of mental break down, I have to act strong and put on a brave face, but all I want to do is curl up in a ball and die. I don't know what to do, i don't want to feel like this anymore, it hurts to much. My chest physically hurts, and sometimes I can't breath. I cry myself to sleep nearly every night, and when I'm alone it's rare that I don't spend the time sobbing to myself.

Everything in my life is such a mess, and not only have a made a mess of my own life, but I've f*cked things up for my son, he's so beautiful and deserves so much better than this disaster.

I feel so helpless and out of control, I would do anything in my power to fix things, but I don't even know what I did to deserve this punishment in the first place. I'm a good person, I do my best to be a moral person, I believe in God and I pray to him for guidance, but I feel abandoned lately.

I can't get past this, and things are just getting harder instead of easier, time is not a healer.

bp

are you a new mum? It could be a boubt of post natal depression - talk to your family and friends about what you are feeling and consider talking to your doctor.

My brother went through a boubt of depression where he was upset all of the time, and when he talked it through over a number of weeks he realised what the underlying issues where - he is now happy, no longer crying and back to himself.

Good luck, and you are not a terrible person, your son loves you and you are doing all you can for him.

Karen_*

How long are you feeling like this? Have you gone to your GP? If not then please go this morning. How old is your son?

The_Conductor

Regardless of how bad things appear- there is light at the end of the tunnel. You've taken the first step by admitting that there is a problem- the next step is to seek help. You need to go to your GP immediately- and he/she will be able to tell you what your options are.

FutureGuy

Hi OP,
Well done for writing about it, as these boards are a brilliant way of getting some great advice. Since you can post anonymously, why not tell us exactly what is wrong in your life?

Some people may have had similar experiences!

MarkR

Bad things happen to good people, so don't feel like you're a bad person just because bad things have been happening to you.

It might seem that things are impossible, but try to talk (either here or any number of voluntary organisations) and your problems will become easier to manage.

dory

Does anyone around you have any idea how you feel? Your post could also have written by a friend of mine - seems to be going through something similar. Thing is she won't talk. Have you anyone to talk to? Have you ever been to a gp about this? I know it can be hard to go in and talk to a randomer but it does help, I've seen it happen.

LegacyUser

I’ve posted here a few times before, it all fell apart a few months ago when my boyfriend left me. I just can’t get over it. I used to be such a strong person, nobody ever made me feel like this before, worthless, useless and just not good enough.

I love him, and he’s not a bad person, it would be easier if he was, at least then I could be angry. Instead I just feel like I’m grieving for a person who’s still alive.

I don’t know how to get past it. I feel so pathetic and weak, people go through this and worse every day and manage fine, why can’t I just pull myself together?

My son is 14 mths, and he is amazing, I don’t know how I’d survive without him.

Dizzyblonde

OP you haven't messed things up for your son - all he needs is to know that you love him, and by the sounds of things you really do. Being a mother is very very hard, especially if you don't have all the support you need.
Please have a chat with your doctor, for your sake and your son's. I promise you that if you get help, things will look a lot brighter. Good luck.

Karen_*

People don't go through this and manage fine! Its a devastating thing to happen and you are in no way a bad person or incapable because you're so upset. You're grieving and you've been through hell. And its been said that sometimes grief is worse when the person is still alive because when someone dies at least you have the comfort of knowing they loved you and had no choice but to go

You poor thing.:( You are absolutely normal for feeling as you do. Stop being so tough on yourself. Its only been a few months and I know its horrible but it really will pass and get easier. Not today though and you need to speak to someone. You can't be going through this on your own. Have you anyone you can call and will you please go up to your doctor?

Sinall

It's so hard when you feel like that but well done for posting. I understand what you mean when you say it's like grieving for someone who is alive - it's still a huge loss for you and it will take time to get over, like any loss. Your son is lucky to have a mother who clearly loves him very much. Please don't be so hard on yourself, this is a time that you really need to be kind to yourself.

Going to your GP sounds like a good idea, even getting it off your chest to somebody will hopefully make it all a bit easier to bear.