Depression

LegacyUser

Hey all, decided to go unreg for this one. Prob a dozen billion posts in past on the topic but meh. I'm really struggling at the moment you know? Been severly depressed for so long now and it keeps coming in waves and im genuinely afraid that it will one day get too much for me. Really cant ever see myself actually killing myself because it would hurt my wonderful family and girlfriend so so much, but on bad days it makes me wish I didn't have either, caus then I could just care about me. Such a selfish attitude I know but can't help it. Even at the point where bad days I imagine myself I dont know getting killed stopping a mugging or u know saving someone, which sounds borderline dillusional with a hero complex lol but suppose it ties into looking for a way out without hurting anyone. I'm not religious or anything (anymore) so that doesn't come into it.

College educated and did have a few councilling sessions in past but can't seem to bring myself to go back there, despite some days almost wishing I had a session that evening to "spill the beans" once again and get myself some help. Really affecting my entire life, cant concentrate properly on college, family, my gf, study and generally cant sleep til im collapsing from exhaustion. And after reading about other people's posting on net for so long, can't believe im being so pathetic myself but caus just feel crappy at the mo.

Hate that I'm so young and feel this way, and I know what you will tell me but Im just finding it really difficult to motivate myself to get some help. Also I STRESS this isn't like a internet cry for help or anything admins, just needed to vent and guess i've done that, just wondering has anyone been through something similar? Apologies for long post.

Klingon Hamlet

I think it really helps if you have at least one ambition to work towards. You mentioned college---did you do a course for something you really like to do? Or was it something "practical" as in something you settled for?

If you have a hobby, it would be great to turn that into something you work at and make money doing. It would also give you more self confidence cos you're in touch with what makes you happy.

This ties into the "dying saving someone from a mugging". That signifies a need to make a difference in the world, to have self-worth, to be somebody. It says that right now, you don't feel any of those things.

You love your gf and you're not selfish, because you've already said that suicide would hurt her and your family---that means you love them and that you're a considerate person, don't forget that.

Try another counselor maybe. But personally I'd say chase what makes you happy. Yu've just one life, don't settle for what seems attainable. Go for what excites you. Sorry if I seem lecture-y. I'm in the same place you're in right now. I procrastinate (I'm not saying you do!).

PM me if I can help at all I will. I wish you all the best, take care!

Crannog

I wonder if you would consider going to a different counsellor. Maybe a new start with someone else would help.

If you are in Dublin or surrounds perhaps this short course might help. Nothing like being in a goup to realise that others are in the same boat as you and you can get help with motivating yourself.

"Manage Life’s Challenges with CBT - Change how you feel by changing your thinking"

http://www.pcicollege.ie/index.cfm?area=content&action=contentdetailselect&menuid=226&MainNavigationMenuID=1&contentid=357&VersionCount=0

If you can't face either counselling or a course I would sugest that you talk with your GP. Simply breaking your silence here on boards and with a real person, your GP, may help you to motivate yourself.

There is a bit of work ahead of you as you know but we are rooting for you.

Wishing you all the very best.

LegacyUser

heya hun

i can identify with the whole "waves" of depression thing. It just comes out of nowhere & its like being totally engulfed by sadness.

Ok so first things first...you are not selfish! its a sickness that your not able to control. While im at it, i may aswell point out im not a doctor or in anyway professionally trained to be offering you advise. Anything i do say, is from personal experience only!! anyways, im a 21 year old student & i suffer from clinical depression myself. Im sure ur college has a counsellor u can get support off. If ur in W.I.T like me, u can call into the college street campus & talk to d counsellor there wenever u want...there really lovely & help me out alot!!!

Back in June, i felt i couldnt carry on wit the whole depression saga...i had hit rock bottom & in my mind, i was done! done with college, done with my family, done with my friends & basically done with my life! i know that sounds like im a horrible person but im honestly not! I was so tired of seeing what my depression was doin to everyone around me...so i took an overdose. after bein home for 2weeks...i felt worse - i knew i had reached rock bottom, so i did something positive wit it. I went straight bak to hospital, to allow someone, somewhere to help me! I guess that was d hardest & d best decision ive ever made!!! Only very close family & friends knew about it...but hand on heart its soooo much easier wen uve got a gud support network!! went bak to coll, registered wit d disabality officer (very very helpful) & the student counsellor.

It might be helpful to go to an Aware meeting - which is a support group for ppl wit depression. u have to hav depression to even be left into the talk. Basically its a place you can go to rant, where u wont be judged. The support is fantastic! Its on in Brook house in waterford.

anyways, hope some of that helps x