How long should you wait to have sex?

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I have a quick question for you all.

I started kinda seeing a bloke about 3 weeks ago and I have seen him 3 times in that time.

And already the issue of sex has arisen. This to me is mental as I think its way to soon for that issue to have arisen. I am the type of person who needs to trust someone before i can sleep with them. And i think its unfair of him to expect me to sleep with him so soon.

What is an acceptable length of time to be seeing someone before you sleep with them?

Ruu_Old

There is no acceptable length of time. Don't let him pressure you, tell him to back off. Tell him you are not comfortable and make it perfectly clear.

MagicMarker

If you don't want to have sex then don't have sex.

If people here were to say you should do it before the 4th week is up would you listen to them?

You should wait as long as you deem necessary.

EcoGirl

What Ruu and MagicMarker said. And if he's pushing you then he's way out of order and I'd question how nice a guy he is really.

greatgoal

eh..an hour?

taram

When you trust him, sleep with him. You said it yourself, and you should take your own (very sound) advice.

Pj!

Take as long as you need.

Whenever you feel it's right.

Silverfish

greatgoal banned.

Stercus Accidit

You're not talking about me are ye?

I hate when a PI issue seems very close to home...

Most guys will try for sex early on, but don't expect it tbh.

I'm guilty of this too, I won't ditch a girl I like if she doesn't put out quickly, but as a fella, I will try for it.
I'd respect ye more for waiting, and you would be more likely to be GF material if you are not easy.

Saying that, dont intentionally wait just to not look easy, do it when you trust him, when you want to, not earlier or later.

Shinto

I have the definitive answer to your question. But in order for me to give you the answer....you must first answer my question!

How long is a piece of string?

Eric Cartman

take as long as you feel comfortable with, but try not to make it forever, i know if i was kept hanging on anything after 2 months or so id start to question the relationship

Karen_*

You've seen him three times? Well then if you're not comfortable then its way too soon to have sex.

MugMugs

Cracking ice breaker though.

Get drunk and bed him.

The whole "first time" bull out the window and it is happy days from there on in

star-pants

Sex happens when it feels right, be that 2days 2weeks or 2months into dating. But both parties need to be comfortable with it, if he's pushing, gently tell him not yet. If he keeps pushing then I'd say goodbye cuz noone should feel pressured into it. He could be testing the waters, and will wait if you tell him to.
Do it when you feel ready.

Talliesin

... or 2 minutes, or 2 years.

You're not entirely clear what you mean by saying he "expects" you to sleep with him. He has as much right to want to as you have to not want to. If there's pressure, then that's a very different matter indeed, but just be clear about where you are on the matter.

Burial

howlong? wrote: »

Hi Guys,

I have a quick question for you all.

I started kinda seeing a bloke about 3 weeks ago and I have seen him 3 times in that time.

And already the issue of sex has arisen. This to me is mental as I think its way to soon for that issue to have arisen. I am the type of person who needs to trust someone before i can sleep with them. And i think its unfair of him to expect me to sleep with him so soon.

What is an acceptable length of time to be seeing someone before you sleep with them?

I'd agree and disagree with what people have been saying. Men will try to get sex as soon as possible and will always enquire about the possibilities of it. However, look back at those 3 times. Did he do those things with you for you, or because the potential for some action was there?

There isn't a time-limit per se. However, being told as a guy that I' d have to wait a year before anything, I'd say no thanks and move on. I think he may be looking for assurance you view him that way and the possibility is there.

panda100

Burial wrote: »

Men will try to get sex as soon as possible and will always enquire about the possibilities of it. .

I really dont agree with this. Ive been out with alot of guys and none have ever tried to get sex as soon as possible. Its differnt for everyone but for me I would definatly have to wait at least two/three months before I sleep with someone.If Ive known him before or he was a friend then it might be less.
If hes a decent guy and really likes you then he'll wait as long it takes for you to sleep with him.

Victor

MugMugs wrote: »

Cracking ice breaker though.

Get drunk and bed him.

The whole "first time" bull out the window and it is happy days from there on in

MugMugs, can you please post in an at least vaguely constructive manner.

Liam Byrne

Burial wrote: »

I'd agree and disagree with what people have been saying. Men will try to get sex as soon as possible and will always enquire about the possibilities of it. However, look back at those 3 times. Did he do those things with you for you, or because the potential for some action was there?

Probably the most sexist and insulting comment I've read on boards in a long time. Which is strange, considering that the next paragraph seems to imply that you're a guy.....

However, being told as a guy that I' d have to wait a year before anything, I'd say no thanks and move on.

Could well be your loss. I'm not saying I'd personally wait that long, because it's as natural a part of going out as anything else (in fact, it's a FAR more natural part than watching "chick-flicks" or celebrity rubbish) but I definitely wouldn't go into something with that attitude.

Yes, if it's right you go with it and have fun as part of a relationship, but ruling someone out because they won't....or worse still, second guessing the OP's "S.O" by implying that he was only being nice in order to get somewhere, is pretty sad, really.....

trio

Next time he mentions it, I'd take the opportunity to be clear and above board and say "Look, it's too soon for me. I never have sex this early. Hope you understand, but if not, that's a real shame because I'm really enjoying getting to know you".

Or words to that effect.

Basically my point is, don't expect him to be a mind-reader. For a start it's unfair to him, as he's probably going to be thinking "Any day now!" and also you'll soon get frustrated by him trying it on at the end of every date.

And frankly, if he is the kind of guy for whom waiting a couple of months is a deal-breaker, then it's best for neither of you to waste any more time with each other.

coillcam

Everyone is different. So whatever your comfortable with. You can't give yourself an arbitrary number of dates or whatever before your happy with moving things on further and each person will reciprocate or react differently with you. The variables of each relationship are intrinsically unique to the given scenario with no steps 1-5 to relationship nirvana from my experience. Tell him exactly how you feel and if he's worth hanging onto he'll wait patiently until your ready. If not, next in line please!!

Miss Pinky

Hi OP.
Just wanted to put my tubbence worth in.
Trust me when i say you will know when the time is right for you.
Ive been seening a guy for a few months now and it was ages before we done anything.I just told him i didnt feel comfortable at the time but then after a while i trusted him more and more.
Dont do anything until you feel it is the right time otherwise you will end up regretting it .

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Ive decided to not see the guy anymore.

Im just not the type of person who goes around sleeping with people on the 3rd date!

Thanks for your replies!