Young girl older guy

LegacyUser

I know a lot of people have asked questions about age being an issue here.

I met a guy through work and i really fancy him, we have been out with work a couple
of times and i know he likes me. Question is he says he's too old for me.
He's 14 years older! I don't mind the age, my folks have 18years age difference
between them and they are happy.

I would really like to know him more, and i believe he would be a magnificent influence in my life: he's focused, smart, intelligent and hardworking. I have been single for two years now and would like to date someone again. I am not putting all my eggs in this basket, but i really like this guy and would like him to give it a chance.
He seems adamant about the age difference, i am not one to push someone but i don't want to regret not doing my best in this matter especially as i like him


I don't act my age and i am very matured, he says i may be okay with it but he's not.

Should i walk away or try to convince him that we could make things work?


Apologies if this is all over the place, i have a bad hangover

Karen_*

OP he's telling you he doesn't want to be with you. Take him at his word and leave it now. He does have a choice in the matter you know.

Darragh29

I think you have your answer, I'd feel the exact same way to be honest. I'd have no more an interest in someone in their early twenties, no offence to you, but no matter how well we got on or what she looked like, I just wouldn't run with it, but that's just me and it sounds like that guy has the same viewpoint on it...

Trouble2008

It's a touch and go with this kind of situation, it's easier said than done.

I think it would be better not to start something you can't finnish

Good luck OP and keep us posted.

rover84

23yr old wrote: »

I met a guy through work and i really fancy him, we have been out with work a couple
of times and i know he likes me. Question is he says he's too old for me.
He's 14 years older!

Dont mean to be harsh but I reckon,He is politely telling you to p*** off by saying hes too old for you.

Petrolium Hat

23yr old wrote: »

I know a lot of people have asked questions about age being an issue here.

I met a guy through work and i really fancy him, we have been out with work a couple
of times and i know he likes me. Question is he says he's too old for me.
He's 14 years older! I don't mind the age, my folks have 18years age difference
between them and they are happy.

I would really like to know him more, and i believe he would be a magnificent influence in my life: he's focused, smart, intelligent and hardworking. I have been single for two years now and would like to date someone again. I am not putting all my eggs in this basket, but i really like this guy and would like him to give it a chance.
He seems adamant about the age difference, i am not one to push someone but i don't want to regret not doing my best in this matter especially as i like him


I don't act my age and i am very matured, he says i may be okay with it but he's not.

Should i walk away or try to convince him that we could make things work?


Apologies if this is all over the place, i have a bad hangover

Divide his age by 2 and add 7. If that's younger than or the same as you then go for it.

It's completely scienterrific.

Loose Lips

23yr old wrote: »

I know a lot of people have asked questions about age being an issue here.

I met a guy through work and i really fancy him, we have been out with work a couple
of times and i know he likes me. Question is he says he's too old for me.
He's 14 years older! I don't mind the age, my folks have 18years age difference
between them and they are happy.

I would really like to know him more, and i believe he would be a magnificent influence in my life: he's focused, smart, intelligent and hardworking. I have been single for two years now and would like to date someone again. I am not putting all my eggs in this basket, but i really like this guy and would like him to give it a chance.
He seems adamant about the age difference, i am not one to push someone but i don't want to regret not doing my best in this matter especially as i like him


I don't act my age and i am very matured, he says i may be okay with it but he's not.

Should i walk away or try to convince him that we could make things work?


Apologies if this is all over the place, i have a bad hangover

OP: Try really going for it in the bedroom with him. Get as filthy as you can with him, and then take it even further! This is the area where a younger woman can really differentiate herself, and this is where you will show him your worth.

If this doesn't work, then it was not meant to be.

Slan

cafecolour

Yeah, if he's being 'adamant' about the age difference, then I'd say it's a solid no. If he was merely 'protesting too much' and looking to be convinced, he would've been by now.

If you want, you could tell him something like "Look. You know I'm interested in dating you. I know you feel there's too much of an age difference. I don't think that would be a problem, my parents have an even bigger age difference, but I know you do and am not going to try and convince you anymore. I'm going to drop the subject, but if you change your mind at some point, you know where to find me."

And then drop the subject. Since there's no bigger a sign of immaturity than refusing to let things lie

Karen_*

Loose Lips wrote: »

OP: Try really going for it in the bedroom with him. Get as filthy as you can with him, and then take it even further! This is the area where a younger woman can really differentiate herself, and this is where you will show him your worth.

If this doesn't work, then it was not meant to be.

Slan

And what will she do about the small problem of him not actually wanting anything to do with her? Think she's already tried begging.

cafecolour

Loose Lips wrote: »

OP: Try really going for it in the bedroom with him. Get as filthy as you can with him, and then take it even further! This is the area where a younger woman can really differentiate herself, and this is where you will show him your worth.

If this doesn't work, then it was not meant to be.

Slan

That's not going to really demonstrate maturity, at best that'll just lead to a single drunken night and then awkwardness - especially as they work together. Add to that that most guys find being aggressively pursued a major turn off, and I really wouldn't recommend that.

Mr. Presentable

You've only been out with the work gang? Ask him out for a date, just the two of you. He'll either go or not. And you'll be resolved!

star-pants

nipplenuts wrote: »

You've only been out with the work gang? Ask him out for a date, just the two of you. He'll either go or not. And you'll be resolved!

I agree with peoples thoughts on thinking the guy just has an issue with the gap (whether you do or not) and/or he may not want to date you. It could be that simple.
Maybe try NNs suggestion above, say you're interested in a date, one on one, and if he says no, you can't force him to like you. Pity as it might be, you may have to accept he won't go on the date or may not be as interested as you think. (has he said he's interested?)

MIN2511

nipplenuts wrote: »

You've only been out with the work gang? Ask him out for a date, just the two of you. He'll either go or not. And you'll be resolved!

But he's already said No to anything more because of the age difference. Is there any point asking him to a date?

She's just going to get more humilated as he would reject her yet again...

I think leave things as they are and move on.

Loose Lips

cafecolour wrote: »

That's not going to really demonstrate maturity, at best that'll just lead to a single drunken night and then awkwardness - especially as they work together. Add to that that most guys find being aggressively pursued a major turn off, and I really wouldn't recommend that.

Cafecolour: I had hoped to leave this unspoken, but guys are not interested in maturity, or in the deepness of a woman's conversation. They are interested in women for sex, and this guy is using a lame excuse for turning down the OP because he doesn't really fancy her.

She needs to show him what she can do for him.

Fair play

Karen_*

So what you're saying Looselips is that she should make herself available to be used for sex? As guys (sweeping generalisation) are only interested in sex and nothing else?

Well there's great advice to be giving young women!
Are you also providing the counselling service for the shattered self esteem?

beth-lou

OP sounds as though he isn't interested, whether it's the age thing or just you.
Either way he's made it clear, so I'd suggest leaving it well enough alone.

Loose Lips

Karen_* wrote: »

So what you're saying Looselips is that she should make herself available to be used for sex? As guys (sweeping generalisation) are only interested in sex and nothing else?

Well there's great advice to be giving young women!
Are you also providing the counselling service for the shattered self esteem?

Karen_*: What I am saying is that she should use her sexuality to get the man she wants. Her other charms don't seem to be having the desired effect. So get out the big guns! The bazookas!

Good luck!

beth-lou

I have to say that is probably the worst advice I have read.
How will she get him to the bed in the first place. He's told her he's not interested.

Karen_*

Loose Lips wrote: »

Karen_*: What I am saying is that she should use her sexuality to get the man she wants. Her other charms don't seem to be having the desired effect. So get out the big guns! The bazookas!

Good luck!

I don't know what planet you're on tbh. No means no on mine. He couldn't have made himself more clear to her really.

Marksie

Calm it down folks.

LegacyUser

beth-lou wrote: »

I have to say that is probably the worst advice I have read.
How will she get him to the bed in the first place. He's told her he's not interested.

He's very interested in me, he walked me home and then i invited him in(i know i was looking for trouble) and we did mess around(nothing OTT) and we didn't have sex. I told him i am not looking for a one night stand. He said "If only i was a few years younger" while we were fooling around he said: "I think you are lovely, and gorgeous, and wouldn't have a problem meeting anyone but i am too old for you"


I was upset this morning but i have since calmed down, plus i have seen him in work today.

irishbigfoot

Being on the wrong side of 30 myself I can understand his reluctance to a certain degree- had a girlfriend 14 years younger myself recently and we got on great but the age gap did cause certain issues. If you really like him that much I would just wait it out and if it was meant to be then he will come around:-)

twentysomething

OP, i think it might be just a sign that he's scared. I am in my early 20's as well and my boyf is 17 years older than me and we have been together for nearly 2 years. Age is only a number, and if he can't deal with that, then maybe he is the immature one....
Maybe ask him to try and overlook the age thing for the moment and take one thing at a time. If he still feels the same way after a little while then maybe he is just not the right person for you at the moment.

LegacyUser

twentysomething wrote: »

OP, i think it might be just a sign that he's scared. I am in my early 20's as well and my boyf is 17 years older than me and we have been together for nearly 2 years. Age is only a number, and if he can't deal with that, then maybe he is the immature one....
Maybe ask him to try and overlook the age thing for the moment and take one thing at a time. If he still feels the same way after a little while then maybe he is just not the right person for you at the moment.

Interesting....

I have read this over and over again. I don't know, i like this guy.

I decided to leave things as they are, i wont complicated matters anymore. It's a pity my age is an issue for him.

Karen_*

He's probably interested but it sounds to me like he's being upfront and saying that yes he's attracted but you're not girlfriend material in his opinion. If he felt as you did then he'd go for it. Or maybe not. OP if you met a gorgeous 60 year old you probably could not be persuaded to start a relationship so age is a bit more than just a number to most people.

cafecolour

23yr old wrote: »

He's very interested in me, he walked me home and then i invited him in(i know i was looking for trouble) and we did mess around(nothing OTT) and we didn't have sex. I told him i am not looking for a one night stand. He said "If only i was a few years younger" while we were fooling around he said: "I think you are lovely, and gorgeous, and wouldn't have a problem meeting anyone but i am too old for you"


I was upset this morning but i have since calmed down, plus i have seen him in work today.

Well, he could be in to you sexually, but don't really consider you dating material, especially because of the age difference.

He could be looking to settle down long term, and is just assuming that you'll date him for a bit for 'experience' and then move on to someone more your own age.

He could just not be looking for someone to date at all.

He could also be interested, but have a pretty big "what would people think" concern about the age difference, especially because you work together. It would be unfair, as you're doing most of the pursuing, but public knowledge of dating you and he'd likely get the rep as the older, sleazy guy who preys on young coworkers. And that can be a career killer.

TripleAce

Petrolium Hat wrote: »

Divide his age by 2 and add 7. If that's younger than or the same as you then go for it.

It's completely scienterrific.

This is not correct - when I was 4 I would have never dared to date a 9 y.o. girl.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone.

I have since abandoned the matter, it seems we are both going out of our way to avoid each other.

So far so good

Wibbs

TripleAce please stay on topic and include useful advice.

Darragh29

Your kinda lucky he is being straight with you, he seems to be an honest bloke. There are lots of guys out there who would be approaching this situation from a completely different angle...