Am I on to something good here? feedback plz

Insect Overlord

If all the Earth should turn to dust,
and oceans hardened clay,
The sky as dark as clouded dusk
come middle of the day,
If all the creatures ceased to walk,
the birds all flown away,
No longer people left to talk
nor words to lead them 'stray,

There'd be none left to ponder on,
remembering the flames,
What could have caused so great a fire,
or how flood waters came,
To scourge both branch and snow-white bone,
to level hills to plain,
To crumble all from step to spire
and wash whate'er remained.

If all the Earth should turn to dust,
and oceans hardened clay,
There'd be none left to ponder on
the final end of days.

~Rebel~

The rhythm seems somewhat familier, but i very much like it.

Nice imagery, nice simple message, conveyed well.

Good stuff.

Matt Holck

something calm in the desolation

Insect Overlord

It's quite different from my usual style and subject matter, but the idea hit me late one night and I had to write it down. I'm glad a few of ye liked it in one way or another

Teferi

The rhyming scheme reminds me of Under Ben Bulben.

I like it.

Red Hand

Very good, I liked it.

Antilles

I'm not usually one for poetry, An Fhile, but that was very good

wordcount

Its pretty good alright, but the line "If all the creatures ceased to walk" is a little harsh/clumsey (pun indended) in terms of imagery. Also it seems that the present global financial crises seems to have influenced you, i.e, a bit apcolyptic.

But seriously its a pretty good poem.

Matt Holck

with deforestation comes floods and grey muds