Are you in Pain?

lpool1

not sure if this is the right place so mods feel free to move it.

My girlfriend has a long term illness and can be in extreme pain but hardly ever tells me but I can tell by her face. Just wondering is there one else who suffers from something and keeps it to them selves,why would you hide the pain this confuses me. Are you not better telling someone?
I am not asking to tell me what is wrong with you just wondering if you stay quiet about being in pain so I can get my head around it

smares

I suffer from a long term illness and can be in extreme pain so bad that if can affect my breathing and i can pass out it gets so bad. Most of the time my family can tell because I go quiet and i think it must show but I hardly ever tell them I am in pain.
Today was extremely bad but I kept it to myself. The reason I don't tell anyone such as my boyfriend is I don't want him to think I am the biggest moan and be thinking here she goes again,I am afraid he would get sick of me and I don't want that to happen over my illness,so maybe that's why your girlfriend keeps quiet.

lpool1

smares wrote: »

I suffer from a long term illness and can be in extreme pain so bad that if can affect my breathing and i can pass out it gets so bad. Most of the time my family can tell because I go quiet and i think it must show but I hardly ever tell them I am in pain.
Today was extremely bad but I kept it to myself. The reason I don't tell anyone such as my boyfriend is I don't want him to think I am the biggest moan and be thinking here she goes again,I am afraid he would get sick of me and I don't want that to happen over my illness,so maybe that's why your girlfriend keeps quiet.

Maybe your right I can kind of understand that,were not together that long and I really like her but the fact it's not love yet,she probably feels I will just walk if she keeps telling me of her pain. You seem to be in a similar situation,thanks smares now it makes sense even though I think people close to you would prefer to be told

star-pants

Hey there OP, my mother has rheumtoid arthritis, she's been in such pain she's passed out from it and been in & out of hospital a lot, but she tends to not complain, but as you said I can tell by her face instantly, or if she's limping etc..
As smares said, there's not much point saying 'ouch' if its a daily thing, it'd just get annoying, I have fibromyalgia and can be in pain most days but I wouldn't really tell people about it. If someone said 'are you ok' I might go 'ah just a bit sore today' or something, because there's not much people can do about it, so I would just feel bad going on about it.

i assume it's the same with your GF, and as you said maybe she doesn't want to seem like a complain all the time as ye are new enough, so I wouldn't worry about her not saying it all the time.

old boy

the same here, I.M.O. i have nothing to gain by telling people, as other posters say it always shows.
drugs do not work, a bottle of spirits do not work, in fact when it is real bad nothing will work.
my kingdom for a nights sleep.
as for hospitals forget about them, they just do not give a damm.

pinkgirl1

star-pants wrote: »

As smares said, there's not much point saying 'ouch' if its a daily thing

people with long term illness come to terms with it being daily so that's probably why they don't want to complain.

smares wrote: »

I don't want him to think I am the biggest moan quote]

This is the problem the boyfriends won't think your moaning if they care enough.

OP my friend had a similar situation she was with a guy for a couple of months so it was hard to say to him how much pain she was in because how often it happened but I think the main problem was she did not know how he felt about her so never wanted to be moaning or complaining.If it is love then you are relaxed with your partner and can share how you feel because you know they are there for you but if your only together a couple of months then it is very hard for your GF to tell you exactly whats wrong because of course she will be afraid of losing you. You really need to tell her how you feel and let her know your there for her so she can let you in.
It really helped my friend when the new guy told her he was there for her because with a long term illness it's hard to trust in someone that they will keep it to themselves and be able to cope with it.Hope this helped

smares

[quote=pinkgirl1;. You really need to tell her how you feel and let her know your there for her so she can let you in.
It really helped my friend when the new guy told her he was there for her because with a long term illness it's hard to trust in someone that they will keep it to themselves and be able to cope with it.Hope this helped[/quote]

Telling her how you feel may make it easier on her but that does not mean she is going to blurt out everything about her illness and tell you when she is in pain.
As it's a new relationship if she is like me she would be thinking if it ever ended he knows everything about my illness and has seen me suffering. So it can take time for her to trust you and tell you how she is feeling or she is in pain.

star-pants

smares wrote: »

Telling her how you feel may make it easier on her but that does not mean she is going to blurt out everything about her illness and tell you when she is in pain.
As it's a new relationship if she is like me she would be thinking if it ever ended he knows everything about my illness and has seen me suffering. So it can take time for her to trust you and tell you how she is feeling or she is in pain.

Would agree with this, it's not really the first thing I'd start telling a partner about, I'm forced at times to mention things that's because it's blatently obvious that I'm in pain, but I don't like to have to say it.
I'm in a new enough relationship myself and I have spoken to him about it - he was very understanding which is great, but I still won't always say if I'm hurting.
It can make you feel very vulnerable when they know your weakness as such - and for some people they need to feel a lot of trust before they can indulge in all the information. Depending on what the condition is as well.

Do let her know you're there for her, but let her tell you about things in her own time

lpool1

Thanks folks,i have told her i am there for her and it is all good. Just wondering though does it ever really get to you suffering from a long term illness,do you have bad or good days or do you put on a front everyday,hope you don't mind me asking just helps me understand more

smares

glad its all good. TBH it gets to me the odd time but i never show it,but today it really has got to me,i have been sick since i woke up at 7 so no work again today, it's only stopped the last half hour i feel the worst i have in a long time and i could not be bothered putting on a front today i don't have energy.
Also im meant to go for blood tests today but have being putting them off because i know things have got worse and I don't want to hear it and that is getting to me today aswell.
But then again in saying that i won't put on a front I know if a friend or who ever rings me i will say im grand.
I think it gets to everyone at some stage you have your good and bad days but depends how strong you are if you let it get to you.

lpool1

smares wrote: »

i feel the worst i have in a long time and i could not be bothered putting on a front today i don't have energy.

Firstly I don't think people would expect you to put on a front if your unwell and i think you come across so strong if you can say to people your fine when your clearly not,I know if it was me I would need plenty of sympathy.

I suppose your right everyone would have off days depending on the person and their strength. Thanks Smares really helped I did not see it like this at all.

star-pants

lpool1 wrote: »

Thanks folks,i have told her i am there for her and it is all good. Just wondering though does it ever really get to you suffering from a long term illness,do you have bad or good days or do you put on a front everyday,hope you don't mind me asking just helps me understand more

It can get to you, but like most people you have good days and bad days. Sometimes you'll put up a front, or just say 'I'm ok' if you're not too bad, cuz you mightn't want to complain. Other days it might be bad so you just go 'ah having a bad day is all'. I have been at the point where I've cried with pain (As I've seen my mother do on occasion) but that would be most likely by myself in bed or something.

It's all kind of relative, if things aren't going great in life, the pain can get to you more sometimes. Whereas if life is decent/good, it can give you more strength to cope with it I find.
Everyone's different of course, but everyone has their limit.

BanzaiBk

Most people just don't want the sympathy, I know that's true for me. Having a LTI is hard enough without people constantly feeling sorry for you. I find strength in the pain sometimes, similar to what starpants said.

sorella

There maybe are times and people to whom it is fine to tell how bad things are, and others when and where not.

Most I meet have no idea of my illness. It makes relationships easier because we meet on common ground.

And I am blessed with those I can vent to and who know what it really is like.

we all need that outlet.


and yes, that people know weakens somehow.