Afraid of my ex.

LegacyUser

I broke up with my ex back in May. We kept in contact until July whenever I found out a whole web of lies he'd created. Without going in to too much detail, he was a sociopath. Every classic trait, he had it, I could give you a story for every single one. Nothing was ever his fault, he was always the victim. Sob story after sob story. Made me out to be the best person on the planet, was an absolute gentleman. Told me I was gorgeous, that he loved me, before mental abuse by saying I was fat, ugly, would amount to nothing, I had mental issues- loads of false promises of marriage, moving away etc. Tried to cut me off from my friends and family. Took my money, seeing someone else- the usual! Really reeled me in and tried to make it so I had no one but him.

Anyway, hes still with the girl he was seeing behind my back (they just moved in together, shes paying off his debts for him apparently, then they are getting a different place..I can see how that one is going to go, but anyway...), who works in the same shopping centre as his ex before me. His ex and I used to be good friends, but fell out because of him. We've been back in contact recently.

He has started to turn up outside this shopping centre whenever his ex is going to work in the morning. Sure, its possible he was seeing his girlfriend, but he was alone. Standing beside the cigarette bin where she has a smoke every morning. He doenst even smoke. It made her uneasy.

Now he's constantly trying to hack in to my online profile sites, journals, email account etc. Hes making me feel REALLY uneasy. It doesnt sit well with me that, 4 months on, he's still doing this stuff. Also, Im getting phonecalls from witheld numbers, which I dont answer. My phone is ringing at all hours. He supposedly had pictures of me saved on his computer and old MSN conversations. Also doesnt sit too great with me.

Maybe Im just being paranoid as hell, but he really messes with my head. I dont even trust my closest friends these days. I dont go anywhere on my own incase I bump in to him. Im scared hes just gonna turn up on my doorstep some day. It all sounds so stupid but I cant handle the thought of him still wanting to know what Im up to. I dont know what to do. Hell, I was in London recently and was freaking out big time incase he showed up, thats how bad it got.

I suppose I just needed to rant but Im turning in to such a wreck, thought I was okay at first but I only seem to be getting worse.

Wibbs

ElectricFeel wrote: »

Maybe Im just being paranoid as hell, but he really messes with my head. I dont even trust my closest friends these days.

Out of all of your post, this was the part I don't get. OK lets accept your ex is a swivel eyed loopjob. Let's accept he was a knob, which by your account would be an easy call. Lets accept he's acting a bit creepy. OK that's worrying, but why would you not trust your closest mates? That part does sound to me like an over reaction on your side as it makes no sense. They're your friends, not his.

Plus how is he constantly trying to hack in to your emails msn online profiles etc? Does he know your passwords? If he does then simply change them. Easy peasy. If he doesn't know your passwords then unless he really knows what he's doing(and even then) it would be very difficult for him to "hack" into anything.

As for your ex; obviously don't talk or otherwise engage him. If he does do anything dodgy then report him to the police.

AnonoBoy

ElectricFeel wrote: »

Nothing was ever his fault, he was always the victim. Sob story after sob story. Took my money, seeing someone else- the usual!

I used to know a guy like this. They're very charming and convincing and it takes a while to see them for what they are. Don't feel bad that he fooled you in - that's what these sort of people are good at

Now he's constantly trying to hack in to my online profile sites, journals, email account etc. Hes making me feel REALLY uneasy. It doesnt sit well with me that, 4 months on, he's still doing this stuff.

How do you know that he's trying this? I don't get how you can know he's attempting it. Has he managed to get into your email account or do you have any evidence of him doing this? If you're on Gmail it keeps a track of the IP addresses that access your account so you can tell if anyone else does it.

Also, Im getting phonecalls from witheld numbers, which I dont answer. My phone is ringing at all hours.

Ok - this could be anyone but as we all know the most likely explanation is normally the correct one, so it's probably him. But don't answer it to find out. Keep ignoring the withheld numbers, especially the ones at odd hours. He should eventually get bored and stop.

He supposedly had pictures of me saved on his computer and old MSN conversations. Also doesnt sit too great with me.

Where did you hear this? I don't understand how you would find this out unless you were on his computer. But I'm sorry to say that I have some old conversations and photos saved on my computer - it's not neccessarily creepy.

I dont even trust my closest friends these days.

Why not?

I was in London recently and was freaking out big time incase he showed up, thats how bad it got.

I'm sorry but that does sound a bit paranoid. How would he even know you were in London, let alone go out there to 'bump' into you?

In your post you haven't said anything about him hanging around you or having any direct contact with you, besides the phonecalls and they attempts at 'hacking' which I still don't get.

Obviously this guy is a loser and is creeping you and his other ex out. But don't let it get on top of you.

Has he ever threatened you or starting showing up at unexpected places and trying to talk to you? If he is harrassing you like this then you can report him to the Guards.

LegacyUser

A family member of mine is a diagnosed Sociopath and an ex I had a terrible time getting away from in the past was more than likely one too. I wont bore you with the stories, too long to tell anyway.
I certainly recognise the stalking/parasitic type behaviours you mention there.

The only strategy that works at all in dealing with a sociopath who has you in their sights is to become completely boring and absent to them. You must be at ALL costs totally unreactive to them. Do not aknowledge them or their behaviour at all, no mean feat I understand when they play their sly, evil games so well. As you know they will become exited and feel satisfaction if they detect your distress. Dont give them that reaction they crave.

Its difficult not to give a reaction and I imagine many victims of sociopaths end up with permanently shattered nerves from constantly trying to predict their next move. Do not get into the "mental chess game" with them. Do not engage in strategy with them.
You wont win and the attention they receive through it will gratify them greatly.

I understand how difficult it is, but in your case you are lucky he has others to focus on and you are not physically in his environment.

Become as boring and non reactive as you possibly can to him, avoid him as much as possible, privatise your online profiles so he has no information to go on, eventually he will lose interest and find more interesting subjects to parasite off.

AngryBadger

Honestly OP, you seem to know an awful lot about this guy and his exes/currents gf for someone who's trying to make off that he's some kind of "sociopath" or stalker or something.

Don't have any contact with him, beyond that, I don't see what your problem is here.

LegacyUser

Just to clarify a few things;
- He knew I was going to London, I had it planned and booked before I cut contact.

- I know he's checking my sites etc because I have Password request emails for various sites come in. Some come with the IP address the request was sent from. I had them checked out by a computer whizz friend of mine and they belong to him.

- Plus, on the likes of Xanga, it shows you whos been viewing your page. His username came up.

- I know what he's up to because we know some of the same people and they let me know. Otherwise I wouldnt have a clue, I dont go trying to find out things about him, if thats what your implying.

- I know he's going round telling people tales about me which are just not true. Anything to get a reaction I suppose, but I havent contacted him in months.

- He used to tell me that all my friends didnt want to see me happy, nor did my family and I somewhat believed him. He would tell me that he had heard they had been talking about me behind my back etc. Generally, its hard to know who to trust after being with someone like him. It makes me think everyone has ulterior motives.

MagicMarker

I think you're being paranoid.

He's constantly trying to hack into your random profiles? How exactly do you know this?

You're getting lots of calls from withheld numbers? Lots of numbers are withheld, why not answer one and see who it is?

He has pictures and msn conversations saved on his computer? So do lots of people, for all you know they've been deleted.

The only thing a little creepy is him waiting outside the shopping centre for his ex, not you, his ex.

Are you normally so paranoid that you can't even trust your closest friends in a situation like this?

LegacyUser

She is not being paranoid.

One of the traits of sociopaths is that they are extremely plausable, they lie with great facility, they can often be charming and persuasive.

They will pick off their victim, isolate them, create a particular view of the persons character to those around them (weak, foolish for example) in other words paint the person the way it suits them for others to see them.

This way when the victim complains, they are not taken seriously. Seen it in motion.

OP, I know its difficult to keep patient when this person is doing a job on your reputation and people are calling you paranoid, even in the face of very solid evidence to the contrary.

Keep your mind straight and believe in who you are.

You seem one step ahead of him anyway, just dont let him make you lose your cool.

citeal

can everyone lay off the OP, I have been in a similar situation and it is horrible.

She doesn't need to prove she is telling the truth to us, she has posted looking for assistance, why would she make it up?


OP, change your passwords and try your very best to stay cool. I understand what you mean by not feeling able to trust people, even your closest friends. My ex had me so confused as to my own sanity I didn't know what was going on. I also understand the feeling that there is a sinister presence lurking.

I know your friends again with the other ex but if I was you I'd try my best not to be around people who will remind you of him. Try not to dwell on it too much or let the idle gossip get to you. My ex did the same to me. Let it wash off you.

A time will come when you don't give a damn what he says and realise that anyone brainwashed enough to listen to him isn't worth it.

MagicMarker

citeal wrote: »

She doesn't need to prove she is telling the truth to us, she has posted looking for assistance, why would she make it up?

No one has accused her of lying.

Wibbs

OK lets keep it on the ball here folks. Nobody should be accusing one way or the other.

MagicMarker

MagicMarker wrote: »

I think you're being paranoid.

He's constantly trying to hack into your random profiles? How exactly do you know this?

You're getting lots of calls from withheld numbers? Lots of numbers are withheld, why not answer one and see who it is?

He has pictures and msn conversations saved on his computer? So do lots of people, for all you know they've been deleted.

The only thing a little creepy is him waiting outside the shopping centre for his ex, not you, his ex.

Are you normally so paranoid that you can't even trust your closest friends in a situation like this?

For the record, this was posted AFTER the OP's last post came up.

OP, he seems a bit weird alright, but you can do nothing other than ignore him and not let it get to you.

miss_shadow

im afraid this is the best you can do, to ignore him!
its likely he is just a coward but just be cautious. keep any proof of anything you think is violation of your personal space.
although he won't do anything you will still be burden by upset ,maybe of his next move or what he may want to do or anything that stresses you about all this. i know its very very hard not to be sucked in by it all
time is a great healer!

i have been in a worse situation where my ex was talking on the internet about how he was going to kill me and all that jazz, broadcast our personal life and twisted it greatly so that i looked very bad in the eye's of anyone and everyone. tried to turn my family against me! but what he was forgot was the reason why i broke up with him..because he violently attacked me and was quite an unstable person but no-one heard my story and if they did they did think i was the bad guy.
but my real friends and family were the only ones who i cared about and i did get paranoid of them, but i was also paranoid that he would try and kill me or break into my home or follow me etc for a very good reason too

hold in there, you will be ok, again just be cautious, block him from any social site your registered to and cut all ties of him contacting you
if it means buying a new sim card..so be it.