He is unreal

LegacyUser · 22-09-2008 9:30am #1

Hi there,
Reg poster but def going unregistered for this, apologies for the long rant.

I broke up with my ex of 8 years last xmas,we both started seeing someone shortly afterwards, 2 wks in his case, two mths in mine.
To cut the story short we basically didnt talk for three months, I got out of the relationship I was in because I was heartbroken and was trying to move on a bit too soon. He continued to see his girlfriend.It was hard but the break up was hard, due to reasons of no trust and lies.

So three months after we break up,he starts texting,over stupid little things and basically the text conversation turns lengthy, I mean we were texting for three days non stop.I knew I still had feelings for him but tried my best to hide it.He invited me over to his house,and we chatted for ages and caught up, it was good and I thought this was a sign that he missed me or wanted me back.Everything he said indicated that.

Things got very heavy between us and we ended up having sex. I know this was a bad idea, because he was cheating on his girlfriend, and please I really dont need any lectures on this part, I know it was a mistake. Roll on a few hours later,I ended up telling him exactly how I felt and he said he didnt feel anything for me anymore. Fair enough, I was upset,to the point where I rang him and we ended up roaring at each other for two hours on the phone over what had happened when we broke up(it was very bitter and we both did a lot of things we regret) but we had never cleared the air between us but this "discussion" def cleared the air and we felt it possible to acknowledge each other after it. I felt like crap because he had just used me for sex but my feelings were still raw and despite my better judgement I made a mistake.

Roll on til this weekend,6 months later, no contact from either side until Friday nite, he text. The texts started coming non stop, just general chit chat at first, me replying very slowly and very short to each text. Nothing personal, nothing about my life or how I have been etc.The conversation turned very quickly into that of what he wanted to do to me etc.Knowing he still had a girlfriend, I made short answers, but the texts kept coming to the point where he wanted to call to my house. Now I do have feelings for this guy but it was obvious that he was only after one thing and one thing only. I told him that I wasnt the kind of girl to have meaningless fun any more and he replied that he never had meaningless fun with me. I was quick to remind him of the last time we met up,where he declared he had no feelings for me at all.I asked him straight out did he think I had any respect for myself and he was only using me for sex. He replied that he didnt know if he was using me or not because we were not having sex!

So basically he wanted to see if the spark was still there between us or not by having sex and then tell me how he felt.Now I know a man usually thinks with his member but this was gone beyond a joke. There is no question about it, it has really turned me against him and even though I still have feelings for him, I am not willing to let him play with my head like this. Not sure who he thinks he is.Its pretty obvious that he has no respect for me.

So for all the men out there,please tell me what is the most sensible thing to do. I think myself he just needs to know I am there for him(8 yrs is a long time) but surely there is another way of him realising his feelings for me(if any)than just sex. Also I think his girlfriend deserves to know the kind of person he is (we had broken up for the same reasons,cheating lies etc).She has described me quite publicly as his pathetic ex and now the reason I am pathetic and alone is the same reason I am looking at her feeling sorry for her.

There are a few issues here, do i let him back into my life and whats the best way to get his respect for me. Or do I give up all feelings for him because he will never change, and does his girlfriend need to know?I was doing fine up until the weekend, but it just wrecks my head when he thinks that he can just walk in and out of my life when he feels like it.In one way I feel like acting out a huge revenge on him(all ideas welcome!!!!!!!!), but I dont know if I am ready to let him out of my life once and for all.

Wibbs · 22-09-2008 9:40am

he was thinking with his cock and the rest was an excuse, pretty much. Don't tell the girlfriend. I would put money he'll be able to twist it and she'll take his side because, she "has him now". Daft yes, likely yes. She'll find out soon enough or spend her life in denial. Either way, not your problem.

Avoid him. Forget about friendship for the moment at least. Pointless exercise. Don't beat yourself up over it either or the length of time you were together. So what. It just means it took longer to spot the problem. Whatever you do don't sleep with him again. Then you'll be the one thinking with your crotch as well. Emotionally all you would be doing is for nostalgia or because you're not with someone else yet. Bad plan.

Basically scrape him off and let the crap go with him.

Petrolium Hat · 22-09-2008 9:55am

Eh not really sure what you need advice on.

If you want to be used for sex, then be used for sex.

If you want to have self respect, then ignore his communications completely, replying at all in the first place was a mistake.

He obviously lacks the maturity to be in a relationship.

Boston · 22-09-2008 10:03am

As long as you need something from him, in this case respect, he will always have power over you. You won't gain respect in that type of situation, you'll only become more dependent on him.

beth-lou · 22-09-2008 10:04am

Why would you want to get back together with someone as untrustwortly and manipulative as this man? I think it is obvious that he has absolutely no respect for you or his current girlfriend and that is not going to change. That is who he is.
The question is do you have respect for yourself?
Are you going to let him use you when he's a bit bored, just to flatter his ego?
When will you realise that he is a selfish man, incapable of being faithful in a relationship?

I just don't understand why you would even consider him in any way. You are lucky you are not with him anymore. He's just be texting someone else behind your back. I wouldn't even reply to his texts other than to tell him to **** off.

Move on and find a decent guy. There are plenty of them out there, certainly a big step up form what you are used to with him. Let him go. He's not a very nice man. If he was wouldn't be so cruel to you in the first place.
Do yourself a favour and tell him you'e better than that and you are not interested.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 22-09-2008 10:06am

If you happen to get back with this man, the relationship will never be the same as it once was. You will be a nervous wreck thinking and worrying about if's and maybe's... Move on, find a man who will treat you right and respect you. There is no future here.

Gyalist · 22-09-2008 10:10am

Ex Sex wrote: »

So for all the men out there,please tell me what is the most sensible thing to do.

You can start by completely ignoring his texts.

There are a few issues here, do i let him back into my life and whats the best way to get his respect for me. Or do I give up all feelings for him because he will never change, and does his girlfriend need to know?I was doing fine up until the weekend, but it just wrecks my head when he thinks that he can just walk in and out of my life when he feels like it.In one way I feel like acting out a huge revenge on him(all ideas welcome!!!!!!!!), but I dont know if I am ready to let him out of my life once and for all.

You're not in his life. He's contacted you just twice in the past 9 months. He sees you as a booty call.
Plotting revenge will just be an unnecessary drain of your energy. If ,as you claim, he doesn't respect you why do you feel the need for him to be a part of your life?

Fysh · 22-09-2008 10:13am

I'm pretty sure you've answered your own question in that post, but anyway:

Move on.

8 years is indeed a long time, but if he's willing to use that as leverage to have you as his bit on the side while continuing his relationship with a new girlfriend, he doesn't have any respect for either of you.

Ignore his texts/calls/whatever other form of contact he tries, and get on with your life. Yes, it'll take a while to do that. No, it won't be easy. But the sooner you start, the sooner you'll get there - the alternative is to stay where you are and continue to struggle with doubts and confusion like you are now.

Karen_* · 22-09-2008 10:24am

Huge revenge? Wel never answer him again for starters and live the best life you possibly can. Treat everyone as you'd like to be treated because you can see how painful it is being on the receiving end of someone being horrible.

Says an awful ot about a person when they have to have their current squeeze think that their exes are all psychos and pathetic. I run a mile if a guy slags off the exes to be honest. Bit like going to an interview and slagging off your former employers.

OP its bloody horrible to have once had a connection with someone and then to have them rubbish you and treat you like dirt. Don't let him. You've been through enough. Onwards and upwards now.

Miss Fluff · 22-09-2008 10:31am

He sounds like a complete wanker. You're too good for him hon and he'll only impinge on the getting over him process. Don't have any further contact and givr him carte blanche to mess with your head like this, ignore all future correspondence.

LegacyUser · 22-09-2008 10:34am

I know I pretty much answered my own question and I am pretty much over him.(most of the time). I had a similar situation with him a few years ago when he was texting someone all sorts of texts behind my back,doesnt his current girlfriend have the right to know??I would have loved to have known at the time.

Terpsichore · 22-09-2008 10:34am

I'm a girl.
This guy is a perfect P****!!!
Can't believe you can't react more than that against such a monster.
Take this as a massive experience (money can never by you that!) and MOVE ON! Ignore him totally and for ever.
I hope you can read your own post and realise how sad your story is. How imature the two of you are.
Now you should know what you want, and what you don't want from a man.
Wake up girly, you're being crushed by a really nasty piece of humanhood.
Hope you grow up gracefully from it.
Take care

22-09-2008 10:36am

I really can't believe that you buy the I need to shag you to understand my feelings bullcrap.

LegacyUser · 22-09-2008 10:43am

Moonbaby wrote: »

I really can't believe that you buy the I need to shag you to understand my feelings bullcrap.

I didnt believe it,if you read my post I said that it was gone beyone a joke.I am really livid at him saying this, like he is God' s greatest gift on earth. that's why I feel like revenge would be a good idea,he needs to be hit where it hurts for once and for all so he doesnt go on treating people like the s**t on his shoe.

TheDriver · 22-09-2008 10:44am

What an assh*le, as a guy that is a terrible thing to be doing. If he wants a shag, get a one night stand but it is terrible of him to be using your obvious feelings for him against you to get a shag from you. His playing you, the best revenge is being bigger than him and just ignoring him, us guys hate that, trust me. His ego was plummet and don't believe a word he says. And remember, if he cheats on his now gf, he cheats.

I remember in the past being told that this is the best way to treat a woman, keep them keen etc, you'd be shocked at the way some guys think to be honest, gives us all a bad name. Chin up my dear

Dudess · 22-09-2008 11:12am

He either wants to give it another go or he doesn't. There is a mature, reasonable way of going about this, not playing ridiculous games like he's doing. Forget him.

gandalf · 22-09-2008 11:25am

Forget him, what happened before is understandable, we have all had ex sex at one stage (although in my case not while I was going out with someone else!). It is complicated by him being in a relationship and the fact he was cheating on his current partner should act as a reminder about how much a close call you had in the relationship with him and how lucky you actually are to have ended with him.

I wouldn't waste another moment of your time with this guy, delete his number and get on with your life. The poor woman in a relationship with him now will learn the truth eventually.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 22-09-2008 11:26am

Terpsichore wrote: »

I'm a girl...

Haha, I love it... thanks for that :P

LG26 · 22-09-2008 11:32am

You need to forget this guy, as said in other posts, he seems like an immature w**kwer. Other than texting etc do you have any other ties with him, a house or anthing???

If not, then you have no reason or need to contact him, you need to move on you deserve so much better. Just a pity some other poor girl is probably taking tha crap from him now. Just be glad you got out of it.

Wibbs · 22-09-2008 11:38am

Iamxavier cop on and read the charter.

LegacyUser · 22-09-2008 11:45am

LG26 wrote: »

You need to forget this guy, as said in other posts, he seems like an immature w**kwer. Other than texting etc do you have any other ties with him, a house or anthing???

If not, then you have no reason or need to contact him, you need to move on you deserve so much better. Just a pity some other poor girl is probably taking tha crap from him now. Just be glad you got out of it.

I have been trying to forget him,and even this morning my blood is boiling with the thought of what he has been saying.I have had a lucky escape, very lucky.But i cant just switch off feelings for him just like that.I wish I could!! We have no other ties, that was all sorted out while we were breaking up.no reason for contact at all.
I really feel sorry for her, I should really when I broke up with him for the exact same reasons,when i meet her she looks on me really pityfully as if to say that she has the perfect relationship with him.

gandalf · 22-09-2008 11:52am

If you still have feelings for him then you need to break contact totally, you will have to be ruthless. Delete his number, don't respond to texts, calls or emails. Eventually things will get easier.

Dudess · 22-09-2008 12:02pm

Ex Sex wrote: »

I have been trying to forget him,and even this morning my blood is boiling with the thought of what he has been saying.I have had a lucky escape, very lucky.But i cant just switch off feelings for him just like that.I wish I could!!

I know the feeling - many, if not most, of us do. The harsh answer is: you've just got to get on with things. And yes, I know only too well that sick feeling which hits you like a train - sometimes even in the middle of the night. Or when you wake up and everything is fine for a sec... and suddenly you're floored by that ghastly feeling. It's horrible... it goes. Pour all your energy into doing stuff you enjoy, surround yourself with people who'll support you.. and you will get over him. I promise.

Wibbs · 22-09-2008 12:10pm

Ex Sex wrote: »

I have been trying to forget him,and even this morning my blood is boiling with the thought of what he has been saying.I have had a lucky escape, very lucky.But i cant just switch off feelings for him just like that.I wish I could!! We have no other ties, that was all sorted out while we were breaking up.no reason for contact at all.

Cool, then simply never contact him again. It sounds like duuuuh, but it is really that simple.

I really feel sorry for her, I should really when I broke up with him for the exact same reasons,when i meet her she looks on me really pityfully as if to say that she has the perfect relationship with him.

Do you feel sorry for her or is there also a part of you that would like to see her get the shock of knowing he's a knob? She's looked down on you and has "your man" and now it's payback time? I suspect that's at least some of it and tbh natural too. Don't though. Let that one go. As others have said your best revenge is living well and if he is a knob then she'll see it soon enough and she'll see it for herself. Much better bet,

AngryBadger · 22-09-2008 12:37pm

Petrolium Hat wrote: »

If you want to be used for sex, then be used for sex.

If you want to have self respect, then ignore his communications completely, replying at all in the first place was a mistake.

+1 TBH

citeal · 22-09-2008 1:29pm

The guy is a dog & the only reason you can't (entirely) see it yet is because you are still feeling hurt.

Everyone is going to tell you to do the sensible thing to forget him. they are probably right.

But if it was me, I'd send him a text saying thanks for the laugh, btw i've forwarded your texts onto your girlfriend. Then I'd send her a text saying "hi not sure why you've been rubbishing me so publicly but if you want a wake-up call as to what your boyfriend has been up to, give me a call & I'll let you read the texts he's been bombarding me with" or something to that effect.

And never EVER speak to the immature, self-obsessed prick again.

Then get out there & start having a good time. Leave him to deal with the mess, after all he created it himself.

themacdaddy · 22-09-2008 1:33pm

get rid of him from your life...you may have feelings for him but you are just his booty cal now (harsh i know...thats all he thinks of you....he doesnt care for you anymore....yuor better off without him...cut him anf the ex out of your life...change ur phone number if you have to and dont tell him! he'll only drag you down andwrecked any chances of a future relationship withsome else

22-09-2008 1:34pm

citeal wrote: »

The guy is a dog & the only reason you can't (entirely) see it yet is because you are still feeling hurt.

Everyone is going to tell you to do the sensible thing to forget him. they are probably right.

But if it was me, I'd send him a text saying thanks for the laugh, btw i've forwarded your texts onto your girlfriend. Then I'd send her a text saying "hi not sure why you've been rubbishing me so publicly but if you want a wake-up call as to what your boyfriend has been up to, give me a call & I'll let you read the texts he's been bombarding me with" or something to that effect.

And never EVER speak to the immature, self-obsessed prick again.

Then get out there & start having a good time. Leave him to deal with the mess, after all he created it himself.

sounds nice, but if gf is in denial she'd just find some way to blame the texts on OP. etc. and then the OP has a hell of a lot more of a headache

OP as everyone else has said just forget about him and move on

LegacyUser · 22-09-2008 1:39pm

citeal wrote: »

The guy is a dog & the only reason you can't (entirely) see it yet is because you are still feeling hurt.

Everyone is going to tell you to do the sensible thing to forget him. they are probably right.

But if it was me, I'd send him a text saying thanks for the laugh, btw i've forwarded your texts onto your girlfriend. Then I'd send her a text saying "hi not sure why you've been rubbishing me so publicly but if you want a wake-up call as to what your boyfriend has been up to, give me a call & I'll let you read the texts he's been bombarding me with" or something to that effect.

And never EVER speak to the immature, self-obsessed prick again.

Then get out there & start having a good time. Leave him to deal with the mess, after all he created it himself.

Yes he did, and thats what he did in our relationship too. I just feel that he has gotten away too lightly and will go on hurting people that care about him. I have a good mind to arrange to meet him, and let him know exactly how much of an a** and self obsessed person he is.I have never done that and really feel like he deserves it.He is playing on the fact that I have feelings for him to have some fun, he doesnt care what the consequences are for me.Opinions on doing that??

LegacyUser · 22-09-2008 1:44pm

bluewolf wrote: »

sounds nice, but if gf is in denial she'd just find some way to blame the texts on OP. etc. and then the OP has a hell of a lot more of a headache

OP as everyone else has said just forget about him and move on

That is exactly the kind of person he is,he twists and manipulates the truth and turns the blame on the other person involved.If she wanted to go through my phone she would have no reason but to believe it, I gave short answers and he was the one texting over 200 hundred messages in order to get what he wants.
He believes that I wouldnt do that though.Maybe thats why I should.

Kiera · 22-09-2008 2:06pm

Ex Sex wrote: »

That is exactly the kind of person he is,he twists and manipulates the truth and turns the blame on the other person involved.If she wanted to go through my phone she would have no reason but to believe it, I gave short answers and he was the one texting over 200 hundred messages in order to get what he wants.
He believes that I wouldnt do that though.Maybe thats why I should.

Don’t bother. Just walk away and cease all contact with him. He doesn’t sound like a good catch so she’ll soon find out what he’s like. Be thankful you are out of that relationship.

beth-lou · 22-09-2008 2:21pm

Ex Sex wrote: »

Yes he did, and thats what he did in our relationship too. I just feel that he has gotten away too lightly and will go on hurting people that care about him. I have a good mind to arrange to meet him, and let him know exactly how much of an a** and self obsessed person he is.I have never done that and really feel like he deserves it.He is playing on the fact that I have feelings for him to have some fun, he doesnt care what the consequences are for me.Opinions on doing that??

I think it would be dangerous. I think he would probably spin your head out, tell you all sorts of lies to either flatter you or else be incredibly cruel to hurt you depending on his mood. It sounds as though he derives some sort of pleasure from hurting you and seeing you so helpless and confused. He really doesn't care how you feel or what you think so you would be wasting your time and your energy on a fruitless excercise. If you really need to exorcise your demons write him a letter, but even then you are courting him in a way.

He sounds utterly repulsive to be honest and I don't know why you are still attracted to him. He has treated you horribly. As others have said the best revenge is to totally ignore him, every text and every call, just do not reply. It will drive him nuts. And get out there and meet someone new. He is a complete wanker.

LegacyUser · 22-09-2008 3:49pm

Many thanks for all the replies, I've decided that I am just going to stop replying,reckon it will wreck his head some bit. Still feel like hitting him where it hurts, but I am going to be the bigger person and hold my head high and leave it at that.
Thanks again.

He is unreal

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