Friendship falling apart

LegacyUser

Recently I'm just after finishing secondary school. I know loads of friendships fizzle out after secondary school but the one friendship I don't want to lose is that of my best friends.

A few months ago she started going out with this guy. He seems to treat her well and she seems really happy in the relationship. This guy, however, isn't nice at all to me or my other half. He's one of those macho guys who try to belittle anyone they deem weaker than them. My boyfriend tried to make friends with him and all he got was a slagging. In my opinion this fella is really rude and has a huge ego. He ALWAYS manages to insult me or my bf whenever we go out with them. I've tried my best to put up with him and laugh off all his "joking" but sometimes he just goes too far. He's a fairly big lad so if you don't agree with him he'll just intimidate you until you do.

The problem is that my friend is now starting to act like him. I can't talk to her without having to watch what I say. I can take a slagging when it's in good fun but she just gets malicious sometimes. As a result, I've avoided her for the last few weeks because it seems like whenever I meet up with her I leave feeling stupid and belittled.

I've been best friends with this girl for years and now she's just turned into a bitch. Should I fight for our friendship or leave it die?

dresden8

Bye Bye Baby.

If they're intimidating, gtf away from them. It can hardly be fun. Next thing she'll be getting him to beat up people for her. Then it will be her turn.

This will all end in tears, hopefully not yours.

Zillah

I presume he's Irish? Slagging each other off is perfectly normal depending on how its done. Have either you or your boyfriend tried slagging him back? Y'know, like pub banter? It might be exactly what he's expecting. Perhaps he considers the two of you to be a pair of uptight kill joys.

Obviously I don't know enough to say anything with conviction but its one possible explanation.

Bob the Builder

It';s not her fault, but its her problem she started with Mr. macho.
Allow her to finish it herself. Remove yourself from the situation.

LegacyUser

We've tried slagging him back but to he just cant handle it when we do. As I mentioned before he tries to intimidate you into agreeing with him. I'm well able to take a slagging but there's a difference between friendly slagging and being an asshole.

madmaxi

If your friend is turning nasty with the insults it is best to stay well clear. If you don't you may end up being used as an emotional punch bag.

The realationship will eventually fizzle out and she will more than likely come running back, then the ball is in you court.

You could try having a one on one with your friend & tell her some home truths. She won't like it, but be assertive & stand up for yourself.

Friends like her a 10 a penny. I've been there before.

Wishing you all the best.

MagicMarker

If you decide to cut your losses, then i would at least tell your friend why. Might be the wake up call she needs.

dresden8

MagicMarker wrote: »

If you decide to cut your losses, then i would at least tell your friend why. Might be the wake up call she needs.

Or you might get the head boxed off yourself.

ShawnRaven

dresden8 wrote: »

Bye Bye Baby.

If they're intimidating, gtf away from them. It can hardly be fun. Next thing she'll be getting him to beat up people for her. Then it will be her turn.

This will all end in tears, hopefully not yours.

Yep, this is the correct answer. GTFO. Life's too short and you'll always make new friends.

VR!

cafecolour

Sometimes people grow out of that behaviour, sometimes they don't. Can be borderline emotionally abusive honestly. Your friend has fallen for him and is imitating to impress him. He may slowly isolate her from friends and then increasingly direct his venom towards her.

I'd let the friendship go, for now, but let her know you don't like this behaviour and you'll be happy to resume hanging out when she's no longer like this.

krpc

Friendships, like relationships, take two to make it work.

Communicate the problem. If there is no change then the choice is to either put up with what is being thrown at you or walk away and find friends that are worth the time and effort and will reciprocate the type of friendship that you want.