total nerd

LegacyUser

I have some serious addictions its not drugs or alcohol its computers and tv. since i was a kid a played a lot of video games.Thinking back now its pretty much all i did in my teen years. am 22 now and am still hooked my computers download all the tv shows,porn and games i need but i have become a very unsocial person.i am a good hard working person but when it comes to evening time or weekend iam on the computer. The last 2 months i tryed to give it all up with no hope i think i might have to asksome to take it all away from me has anyone done this before i really do need help with thies addictions.
I am trying my best to start new hobbys but i always end up at the computer screen.
today for instance i have nothing to do,hate going places on my own,hate shopping,hate spending money, just dont know what to do with myself
I tryed the whole just spending a certin amount of time on the computer and playing games but its just not working.
i know some people might think its pathetic but i have had this problem since i was a kid i really need help.
I have lost freinds because of it, got into a habbit of not talkin to peoble dont even talk to my neighbours i have no idea how i let it get so bad but i dont want to be like this for the rest of my life. dont have a girlfrind either iam a fairly good lookin guy its just iam pure lazy in the dating department especially since i have porn.see lots of hot ladies and do nothing about it. i just have that terriable feeling that i have nothing to talk about.

I need to change my whole lifestyle but dont know where to start.
do i move country find a new job or just stay here and battle it out.
I just have that gut feeling that i cant keep living the way iam living ill destroy myself.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Are you interested in other people? I ask because it sounds like you're not: you've lost friends, haven't spoken much to your neighbours...

Sabre0001

You can also combine games and socialising - check out the LAN Parties forum (and related gaming forums here even), or IRC too. It's a way to start anyway.

You could also take up hobbies related to gaming / computers (small steps) so nightclasses in a programming course / web design / graphic design. That way you get to meet people with similar hobbies.

And work from there perhaps. Not sure moving country will help because you will be isolated - and it is easier then to just keep the same habits rather than getting out there and meeting people.

Webmonkey

Sabre0001 wrote: »

You can also combine games and socialising - check out the LAN Parties forum (and related gaming forums here even), or IRC too. It's a way to start anyway.

You could also take up hobbies related to gaming / computers (small steps) so nightclasses in a programming course / web design / graphic design. That way you get to meet people with similar hobbies.

And work from there perhaps. Not sure moving country will help because you will be isolated - and it is easier then to just keep the same habits rather than getting out there and meeting people.

Yeah try going to some lan parties, least you get to meet someone anyways. Better stilll, why don't you go to your closest gaming cafe and spend time in there , least you getting out and you meeting new people. Through them you will meet more people etc. Better than being at home anyways as that can get very depressing.

Zillah

I don't think its a matter of being addicted to such things. Lets be honest, computer games and TV shows/movies can be pretty damn entertaining. Like most men of my generation I've spent countless hours playing computer games over the years. I generally find that if I have nothing else planned I'll usually find myself playing a game, browsing online or watching an episode of some series I'm following.

Which leads me to the real issue, you apparently never have anything else planned. Which begs the question; do you have no interest in spending time with other people, or do you simply have no real avenues by which to spend time with people?

Its sounds mostly like you've fallen into a particular anti-social pattern. Obviously most people don't end up like this, so have you considered how this started? Did you not make friends in school? Have you never had any other hobbies?

Friends that you've had and lost, did you actually like them as people and regret losing them, or was it a case of them being "friends" because you happened to be in the same class or whatever?

If you genuinely want to make a drastic change, there's plenty of options. You could get a new job, which would lead to a new environment, new coworkers etc. If you have some money saved up you go back packing for a month, staying in hostels around the world and you're guaranteed to meet loads of tons of young people trying to find themselves.

One option that I think might really work would be to do a working visa. It'd get you away from your normal home and all the habits (and computer) that you're used to, and moving to a drastically new place and new job might give you the kick up the arse you need.

You could of course be less dramatic and join some clubs or do a FAS course or something.

Not sure why that ended up being such a big ass post.

Helix

gman4325 wrote: »

I have some serious addictions its not drugs or alcohol its computers and tv. since i was a kid a played a lot of video games.Thinking back now its pretty much all i did in my teen years. am 22 now and am still hooked my computers download all the tv shows,porn and games i need but i have become a very unsocial person.i am a good hard working person but when it comes to evening time or weekend iam on the computer. The last 2 months i tryed to give it all up with no hope i think i might have to asksome to take it all away from me has anyone done this before i really do need help with thies addictions.
I am trying my best to start new hobbys but i always end up at the computer screen.
today for instance i have nothing to do,hate going places on my own,hate shopping,hate spending money, just dont know what to do with myself
I tryed the whole just spending a certin amount of time on the computer and playing games but its just not working.
i know some people might think its pathetic but i have had this problem since i was a kid i really need help.
I have lost freinds because of it, got into a habbit of not talkin to peoble dont even talk to my neighbours i have no idea how i let it get so bad but i dont want to be like this for the rest of my life. dont have a girlfrind either iam a fairly good lookin guy its just iam pure lazy in the dating department especially since i have porn.see lots of hot ladies and do nothing about it. i just have that terriable feeling that i have nothing to talk about.

I need to change my whole lifestyle but dont know where to start.
do i move country find a new job or just stay here and battle it out.
I just have that gut feeling that i cant keep living the way iam living ill destroy myself.

sounds like me to a certain extent. ive no real interest in people, or what they have to say. i prefer my own company to the company of others. i dont know why, i just do.

BUT there is definitely a balance needed to keep you sane. find something to do and stick with it. are you into any sports? you dont have to play like, just pick a local team to support and start going to all their games. itll get you out of the house for a few hours and youll meet people. regardless of whether youre interested in what they have to say, or even meeting them at all, it keeps that area of the brain ticking over so you dont crack up.

im my own case, ill go out on the piss with my mates in town at least once a month, and ill make a point of going locally to someones house for cans another once a month to break things up. the rest of the time im more than happy with my own company, writing, listening to music, and working on my own music in my studio.

having the ability to socialise is more important than the actual act of doing it if you dont want to imo. just find a balance

click4444

LOL :pac: your on the internet telling us you have a problem, it just like walking into a pub with a bottle in your hand and saying you have an addiction. ROTFL
If you work with people have a drink whit them
If you dont work do a FAS course

LegacyUser

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Are you interested in other people? I ask because it sounds like you're not: you've lost friends, haven't spoken much to your neighbours...

i try to make friends sometimes but i do keep to myself a lot honistly i dont like talkin to people i dont know but iam tryin to change. i do have some friends and i head out socializing in pubs and clubs i dont know why but i just dont really enjoy it to much the nightlife doesnt appeal to me to much.i have got one night stands out of it but no longterm girlfriend
but i really feel a strong erge to get myself a girlfriend now even in a small way i hope it will change me for the better.

as reguards the lan partys i go to them all the time. its a great weekend away but its like i feel iam getting to old for it all i should be heading out to a fancy hotel with a girl for the weekend not some dam nerdfest its killing me inside

i am actually doing a fas course related to the construction industry at the mo so i am out and about trying to do some good for myself

as reguards hobbys i know most guys go for the car hobby thing and i would 2 but i just cant it makes me physically sick to spend all that money on vrt and roadtax etc cant do it althought i understand the attraction of it. the car meatups and all that

somebody mentioned travelling its been on the back of my mind for a long time now just waiting for the right time if i cant find fulltime work by xmas iam off to some other country

as someone mentioned i need to get the balance right however i figure that out
iam going to put up my consoles and pc up on ebay and try to sell them i hope it will do me good in some way

AckwelFoley

First thing you do kid is ditch the internet porn.

Using internet porn to "satisfy" your needs is going to give you perhaps the wrong impression of wha happens in a relationship and how sex works..

Anal is rare and there is very rarely a goat and a tub involved.

Its an old saying, but you need to get out more, i find myself on the internet more when i was single and surviving on one night stands and agressive ****, but it is never fulfilling. You need to get out, meet people and begin to interact in person more, by doing this imporving your communication skills, helping you to "find" yourself

Your problem is that you are familiar and comfortable with your routine, but - you are missing the best years of your social life being stuck behind a pc.

Its not easy - but change your habits in small increments

Zillah

snyper wrote: »

but - you are missing the best years of your social life being stuck behind a pc.

This is an important point. You really don't want to look back when you're older and regret not having fun when you could. You're only young once and all that.

LegacyUser

The last thing this guy needs is to go to a LAN party. The man needs to meet social peers, not equals. No offence to anyone who attends LAN parties, I've mad a generalisation, of course.

O/P, you are who you are, don't be too hard on yourself about it. You sound like you might be an introvert ... i.e you enjoy your own company and need it to re-energise yourself. I might suggest a quick google for the myers briggs personality test, if you haven't done that before. It may end up telling you much about yourself personality type.

If you're hungry for change, you need to work out the very basics of what exactly it is you actually want ... then you need to go down the (often painful) road of making it happen. 22 is nothing man ... I'm more than 10years your senior and sound exactly like you when I was that age. In the last ten years I've changed myself dramatically ... physically, mentally and socially. I've tried to work on everything that's annoyed me about myself. I'm still WIP but have come along way.

Go do some travelling on your own. That's some of the best advice I could give you for starters. Save up enough for a few months, quite your job and head off your own.

coillcam

For me I'm quite a similar person for the most part so I know what its like. I'm predominantly an introvert by choice.

I've found some of the most satisfying things you can do is put yourself in a situation that challenges you and is beyond your comfort zone. I'd recommend maybe even trying swimming lessons, art classes, music classes dance classes, martial arts,a book club, tag rugby, 5-a-side with mates or any other number of sports that are out there for you. Just to keep yourself actively pre-occupied and away from the PC. Reading is something I like to do a lot more now as it really engages my brain more than games/tv. For me it was to move away from my friends and family to Dublin around a year ago. I had to start everything from scratch again and it really benefited me.

I personally went through a stage of despising drinking and going out which made things worse. Every night became the same ol' story. So I gave it up for a while. Now I go out just as much as I did before but enjoy it tenfold. I always try to make an effort to talk to people I haven't seen in a while as they will always have entertaining stories and want to know what your up to. It really is up to you though. You have the means to go and start at whatever you wish. Take it in small steps. Say for example keep a diary and every few days/weekly have a small goal to complete. Be it as small as talking to a randomer in some shop commenting on the quality of service or to approaching some girl you like the look of out of the blue. Making small changes/steps consistently and over the course of a few months you won't know yourself.

Best of luck with things

Zillah

blah_de_blah wrote: »

The last thing this guy needs is to go to a LAN party. The man needs to meet social peers, not equals.

Apparently you don't know what a peer is.

I'm the same as the op (minus the good-looking and other positive aspects :( )

I don't think you're alone to be honest. I imagine a lot of people are the same. Ive kinda developed what would best be described as a form of social anxiety disorder (i haven't had that medically proven or anything, but i dont have the balls to go to the doctor, so i trust my own judgment of it).

Its pretty cool that you want to change dude, but just dont be so hard on youself man. everyone is different. If you're unhappy then by all means go for it, but i wouldn't change because "other people are doing X and Y".


Best of luck in whatever you decide. Although judging from your last post, you seem to be fairly jumping into it what with the FAS courses and all that. So congrats and good luck.

Overheal

My advice: Store the computer, if not get rid of it. Ireland is no peach after August but you could always try to find some nice areas to get out and go randomly exploring; patch of woods, random streets, anywhere you havent been.

You dont even need a plan really, just pack up the computer and the TV for a week or two: Set a Date. Stick with it. And see what you do with yourself in that time. You'd be surprised. That year my parents sold all the TVs was great for getting out more often. Even if you stay at home the boredom will kick in and you will be compelled to find something else to do, even if its to read a book.

Helix

Deleted User wrote: »

If you're unhappy then by all means go for it, but i wouldn't change because "other people are doing X and Y".

most important point raised so far

tman

Yep, seek change because this is something you want to do for yourself, not because you think it's what other people expect of you.
I'm in a similar situation, and will be moving to London soon as part of my plan to make more of my life. A decision made by me, for me.
Leaving my pc with my parents while I'm over there, and signing up to a few night classes are just a couple of the ideas I've had so far...
Moving country might not be necessary for you, but getting out of your comfort zone and doing something new most definitely is.

I would advise you knock the porn on the head though! Get yourself out of the "why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free" mindset

Good luck with it, whatever you choose to do.

Zillah

Helix wrote: »

most important point raised so far

Well, he did say:

I just have that gut feeling that i cant keep living the way iam living ill destroy myself.

Which sounds pretty serious.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

gman4325 wrote: »

I need to change my whole lifestyle but dont know where to start.
do i move country find a new job or just stay here and battle it out.
I just have that gut feeling that i cant keep living the way iam living ill destroy myself.

Wow... I feel very similar to that myself. I love computer games, don't like TV so much, and I am quite addicted to them. I find myself losing my friends "in real life" as I say, and gaining more friends over the net.

There are a few things I done to battle this problem... I took on some home improvements, painting, flooring etc etc. This took me away from my PC for long periods of time, this really helps. We are not all in a position to do this type of thing, but you could pick up an interest that does not involve the computer or TV. It doesn't have to be a super duper fit thing, but take something that interests you like golf, canoeing, shooting... whatever it is, doesn't matter.

I find that working will help too. I was working last year, and my lifestyle was completely the opposite to what it is now. I hardly ever went on the PC, although I watched more tv. But no matter... I spent less time sitting in front of a screen in general.

If one of your mates asks you out for a drink or to go to the cinema or something, DO IT... I have countless excuses to get out of it so I could "raid" with my world of warcraft pixel buddies...

I have thought of moving country and all that, but I think it is madness speaking. It's you trying to escape reality, but it really isn't the answer. Yes it would be great to travel for a year, but your heart has to be set on it, you must really want it. Don't do it to get away from something as you will find yourself back home before the year is out.

I can tell you one thing, it can be hard to get away from the pc. It is an addiction and it will, most definately, cause you long term problems (weight gain, becomming extremely unfit, unsocialable, you will change).

I do hope things work out for you. Let us know how things go.

Big Knox

Hey man, best thing you can do is get out of the country for a year, go to australia or even now with the new year long U.S visa's available get over there for a year and enjoy yourself.

It will be a real test of your character, you can learn to be independant from your current lifestyle and I can guarantee it will change you for the good. Work in a bar or somewhere social. It'll be scary at first but thats what life is all about man, the experiences.

This way your not commiting to a new life completly but it'll give you the kick ya need and when/if you come back you'll have a new outlook on life.

Give it some thought and best of luck!!

Gone West

Ehh IRC is not a solution to being antisocial.

krpc

Please correct me if I seem wrong here - but people that have thousands of posts to their name in a relatively short period of time, possibly demonstrating some sort of addiction to boards.ie, are they really the people best placed to give the OP productive advice? It seems that some should take that advice on board themselves

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

i-bloodhound wrote: »

Please correct me if I seem wrong here - but people that have thousands of posts to their name in a relatively short period of time, possibly demonstrating some sort of addiction to boards.ie, are they really the people best placed to give the OP productive advice? It seems that some should take that advice on board themselves

haha so true...

Burial

My own personal advice:

There's nothing wrong with your hobby. Your hobby hasn't/isn't destroying your life. What's destroying it is you. You can play WITH people and socialise whilst playing a game. Just include that part more. (Xbox LIVE, Xfire, Steam, etc) I suggest joining a clan and getting to know the people. I've met loads of new people this way and I've even gotten to be best friends with people I didn't know existed but lived down the road to me!

Anyway, if this isn't what you want, I suggest doing a night course on something that does interest you. (It doesn't have to be computers)

I also agree with what another poster said. If a friend says "cinema later?" If you can do it, DO IT! Make games/internet your hobby, not your life.

tman

i-bloodhound wrote: »

Please correct me if I seem wrong here - but people that have thousands of posts to their name in a relatively short period of time, possibly demonstrating some sort of addiction to boards.ie, are they really the people best placed to give the OP productive advice? It seems that some should take that advice on board themselves

I just deleted my porn collection funnily enough:P

krpc

tman wrote: »

I just deleted my porn collection funnily enough:P

Hallelujah! I hope the back ups of the back ups were erased too

tman

Backups... What backups! ¬_¬

In fairness though, your post was a bit like saying people in an AA meeting aren't going to be any help to an alcoholic because they're all alcos as well...
I posted because I found myself in the same situation, and made a concious decision to change things for the better.

krpc

tman wrote: »

Backups... What backups! ¬_¬

In fairness though, your post was a bit like saying people in an AA meeting aren't going to be any help to an alcoholic because they're all alcos as well...
I posted because I found myself in the same situation, and made a concious decision to change things for the better.

The thing about an AA meeting is that the people there are there to stop the addiction. They are actively doing something. I'd not be inclined to listen to someone who comes into an AA meeting to offer advice and as they do it they take a swig from a bottle of JD.

My post was aimed at those that are giving advice, are victim of the same addiction, but are doing absolutely nothing to change.

I was quite careful with selecting the words I used in my post, such as not saying 'all people' but rather 'some people'.

By all means, those that have experienced the same or are/were suffering a similar problem as the OP and actively battling or have battled the problem should definitely offer advice.

P.S. @ tman - I meant to add, well done on erasing the porn!

P.S. @ OP - good luck with everything; you've acknowledged you're not happy so that's half the battle won.