Sunday Morning Smiles

Hagar

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed.

"Grandson I wanna you lisin to me. I want for you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead."

"You lisina to me, soma day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple of bambinos."

"Soma day you goina coma home and finda you wife in bed with another man."

"What'chaa gonna do ha, ha? Point to your watch and say - TIME'S UP?"

========================

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

So the guy quickly jumped out of the bed, scared and naked he jumped out the window like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and then started to run as fast as he could to his car.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And that, folks............is how the fight started...

=======================

After being married for almost 43 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 43-years-ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed, and watched a 10-inch black and white TV; but I got to sleep every night with a hot 19-year-old gal. Now I have a $500,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, a nice big bed, and a Plasma Screen TV; but I'm sleeping with a 62 year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 19-year-old gal, and she would make sure I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed, and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

coldfire1x

lol, loved the 3rd one

The Bollox

I loved the second one, deffo going to use that down the local next weekend