moving on - can it be done?

LegacyUser

I am separated from husband for a year and everything that needs to be sorted with finances etc is far from being sorted - but it will be in time - it is the court system and I accept that I have at least another year to wait. And of course another 3 years to wait for divorce.

Question is - what do I do about being so lonely? I have 2 kids and a full time job. when is it the right time to look out for or to meet a new partner? apart from the timing issue, I can't imagine how I will do this either? I never expected to be in this position having being married for over ten years. Because I have children it looks to me that it will be impossible -

If and when and all that ...say, I do, meet someone, I will be thinking if my kids will like him more so than if I do??? Does this make sense to anyone? any advice appreciated.

madmaxi

moving on wrote: »

Question is - what do I do about being so lonely? I have 2 kids and a full time job. when is it the right time to look out for or to meet a new partner? apart from the timing issue, I can't imagine how I will do this either? I never expected to be in this position having being married for over ten years. Because I have children it looks to me that it will be impossible -

If and when and all that ...say, I do, meet someone, I will be thinking if my kids will like him more so than if I do??? Does this make sense to anyone? any advice appreciated.

You need to keep your mind busy. Juggling a full-time job, rearing of your children & house keeping is not an easy thing to do & you should be proud of yourself. I gather it's after you put your children to bed that you feel lonely. You could have a friend, sibling neighbour or parent visit you in the evening / night. Possibly have a friend stay over. The best advice I can think of is a pet. The children will love the idea & you will reap the benefits. I'd recommend a kitten over a puppy. Cats are more independant & take less work to look after. They will show their love inconditionally & are great companions.

Only you will know when it's right to move on. When you are ready, you will know. Meeting a potential partner is something you can't plan, it could happen next week or next year. It may happen through work, a friend of a friend, at a social event any where. At present you need not worry about this issue. You need to look after yourself & your children (having some time to yourself is allowed). Nothings impossible, if you can think of a new future, then you've already started on a new path.

Stop worrying about things that at present you have no control over.
When you do meet a potential partner, intoduce them slowly to your children, that way you all don't feel pressured. Take baby steps at first, everything will work out. You need time to rediscover who you are.

I wish you all the best.

williamsrk

i was sepparated then divorced i kept busy but was lonely couldnt find any body to have a relation ship with so i just kep on doing my own thing and it all sorted its self out although i didnt have kids. eventually i met a girl unexpectidly am now married with two kids and nice home good wife but when i was at the stage your at i thought things were not going to get easier but they will . so dont worry every thing will work its self out with out you even noticing it

themadchef

Hi OP, dont despair. So many people in the same boat.

When youre working full time and you have kids it's anything but easy. You dont have time for any social groups no doubt. So it can be hard to meet new people.

Why not start somewhere like a dating site? Like plentlyoffish. Even if youre only looking for friendship first, chatting to different people online can actually bring you out of your shell alot .

As for thinking more about the kids than yourself. Of course the kids will always be first priority. But, i think if you find you like someone, you will like them for who they are and what they stand for as a man. The kids will grow up and move on and if he's good enough for you.... then no doubt your kids will like him too.

Think about you, think about butterflies in stomach and waking up not thinking "how did it all go so terribly wrong". There are some wonderful guys out there.

It's not going to happen straight away, and you know what, that's ok...if youre ok. You need to focus on yourself and be happy in youself. Having a partner / boyfriend does not complete you, nor do i think it will fill any great void in your life if you are not happy on the inside.

If you ever want to chat, just drop me a pm. Sisterhood is a marvelous thing
Very best of luck Kat,

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone - it is good to hear from someone else in the same boat - who came out the other end. thinking of enroling on a course one night a week for the winter just to get out - so I suppose, the old saying of, look after yourself and then you will be able to look after everyone else, is the best way to be thinking at the moment....and that there is always light at the end of the tunnel etc etc