Dating etiquette..opinions please

Princess Leia

Hi I am new to the dating scene after nearly 20years so not sure if I am just old-fashioned or not..here's the thing I went out with a guy (1st date)and we had a pub lunch.I offered to pay for mine,but he insisted on paying for us both saying "I'll get these if we go for drinks later you can buy me a pint".
So that was fine we spent all day together and got along well.Later we went to the pub for a drink and I handed him some cash and said "I'll pay for these".We were sitting a distance from the bar.With that he says "no you can go up and get them,women's lib and all that".So I said that I have no problem doing that but the bar was busy and I knew he would get served faster than me as he's about 4 times my size.Anyhow I proceeded up to the bar and no sooner had I got to the counter when he comes up and says"no,no it's ok I'll wait for them",takes my cash and orders the drinks(he was served in 2secs).
Now was I out of line to expect him to fetch the drinks? Guys especially am I really old-fashioned!!

Agent Smith

9/10 Women get served Quicker at a bar...


Serriously

Princess Leia

Yep true I usually do when it's a male barman, this time is was a girl who never even looked my way

girliegirl

I would have gotten them myself, nothing to do with women's lib, i just wouldnt want to come across as lazy (i'm not saying you are, as I dont know you, I just wouldnt want it to come across that way).

Plus id feel weird handing someone cash to buy stuff, it's ok buying them yourself, but not giving them the money to pay for it!

metamorphic

no I think logic won the day on that one. He'd get served quicker, it was still your money, if that was an issue.

stovelid

My wife claims I get served quicker because men tend to be more proactive about getting through to the bar. Whereas I think she does because she's a woman and more likely to get served first /let through. So, who knows.

I wouldn't worry anyway. It sounds like he was worrying about the etiquette too. He probably thought that he had embarrassed you, and tried to rectify it. These things just resolve themselves when you know each other better.

Princess Leia

Thanks just wasn't sure what is normal and polite. I had no problem paying for the drinks or waiting at the bar but I was aware I had to catch a bus in half an hour,so didn't want to spend it waiting at the bar.
We were both kinda flustered and embarrassed.Then when I thought about it I was curious to see what is the norm.

RossFixxxed

Pfff go up and get them. Stop making such a drama about it. The norm is just do whatever. Maybe he should have thrown his coat over puddles too.

Princess Leia

Sorry was asking for opinions, not making a drama.
And pfff....??

stovelid

Princess Leia wrote: »

And pfff....??

I think he has a puncture?

Princess Leia

:DROTFL

MagicMarker

I would think it was a little weird if a girl wanted to buy me a drink with her money but wanted me to actually get them. On a first date i'd even find it a little rude tbh.

It's like, if you have me fetching your drinks on a first date then what will it be like on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th date?

kraggy

Never mind that last post. There's always one. (referring to ross...)

Anyway, I'd say what happened was he thought he'd let you get them to balance things up from the lunch but then realised that it would be hassle for you and that he'd get served first so ended up going up himself.

I think that's it anyway. Don't read into things too much though. You're a while out of the dating game so enjoy it and go with the flow. Analysing things will only wreck your own head. I do it myself but really, you should try and just go with things. If it works out then great. If it doesn't, then it wasn't for ya.

Good luck.

Princess Leia

Yes that's probably what he thought til I said about the bar..never thought of that angle.Thanks;)

curehead

exactly stop analyizing everything for god sake

Princess Leia

Thanks, it is head wrecking and weird..no more thinking for me

sunnyside

Wouldn't worry about it. Sounds like you were both feeling a bit nervous and that was making everything a bit more awkward. Both of you were probably afraid of doing something wrong.

SarahMc

The norm would be if its your round, you go up and order.
I know women used to pay their round but hand men the money, but that has pretty much gone now.

Anyway - did you get a 2nd date?

Princess Leia

Yes I did get a second date,but my mum took ill up the country and I couldn't make it...he thought I was fobbing him off and now is seeing somebody else..ah well.
Thanks for the opinions tisn't easy this dating malarkey.

RossFixxxed

Yes I have a puncture, yes there's always one. But in this case it makes sense what I'm saying and you know it's right. I may not have phrased it politely but I'm trying to shake you out of the over thinking, over analysing side of what you were doing. Sorry if people missed the point. I post on here a fair bit and I'm always polite unless I feel someone needs the devil's advocate to step in and give them a bit of a kick in the backside.

Good luck,
Ross

Princess Leia

No worries and you're right over analysing isn't great...just don't want to make same mistake twice. Thanks;)

I would think it was a little weird if a girl wanted to buy me a drink with her money but wanted me to actually get them. On a first date i'd even find it a little rude tbh.

Is this really rude? I've done it in the past. I do it now to my BF, but he doesn't care once he gets the drinks. I absolutely hate carrying a few drinks, I find it really difficult because I'm clumsy and end up spilling them everywhere. I also always get ignored by female barstaff and will be standing there 15 minutes trying to get served. I wasn't aware it was such a faux pas to give the man the money to get the drinks.

Zillah

I think it has more to do with the politics of gift giving than anything else. For example, you might buy a present worth 20 euro for someone, but you'd very rarely just hand someone 20 quid for their birthday.

Same thing with pints. I have no problem if a friend brings me a pint that he paid for, but the idea of taking money from him and buying a pint for myself with it is all wrong. The more familiar you are with someone the less relevant it becomes though.


Fairly irrational but its how people work.

Jack B. Badd

Zillah wrote: »

I think it has more to do with the politics of gift giving than anything else. For example, you might buy a present worth 20 euro for someone, but you'd very rarely just hand someone 20 quid for their birthday.

In this case, it'd be like buying someone a present and then getting them to collect it from the store...
Personally, I consider it ok in an established relationship or friendship because you can do other little things to offset it but I'd find it quite rude on a first date. Also, it denotes a level of familiarity (or mateyness) that I wouldn't necessarily want on a date.