Post-break up problems

LegacyUser

My relationship broke up about two weeks ago and since then my ex has bounced back in record time, relentlessly flirting with other girls in front of me and I'm finding it hard to get over. The breakup was almost mutual, more me than him but then he did have a drunken 'encounter' with another woman so that was where it began and end for me. We tried to work through it, I couldnt, and so we agreed to call it quits. He spun me a line about me being the most fantastic girl ever and how he hoped eventually we might find our way back to each other and I lapped it up!

We have the same circle of friends so it's a given that we'll see each other when we're out, and we're not really talking right now so it's more of an eyes across a dancefloor/pub affair. As soon as he sees me he seems to go out of his way to step his flirting up a gear with other girls, being really obvious and I think rubbing my nose in it a little. I usually leave when this happens as the feelings are still very raw for me and although I know hes a free agent now, it hurts to see how quickly he has jumped back in the saddle so to speak.

I don't know if it's better to avoid going out when I know he's going to be there and let it heal or if facing it head on is better in the long run? I wish things could be how they were before but I can't forgive what he did so us being apart has to be the right thing - doesn't it?

marti101

Hes doing that to make himself feel better because he hasnt got over the breakup i bet he hasnt even started to grieve for the relationship.Heres the time to do stuff for you all the things you couldnt do treat yourself to some nice things and take it slow.You will get there in the end.

themacdaddy

i agree with marti...he is probably hurting too but men deal with things in a different ways...to all your friends he probably seems fine but when he is on his own i bet he is as sad as you are....i don't think you should put off your social life just for him....just go out and try enjoy yourself...i know its cliche but time is a healer. us lads are a complicated bunch!

mbren

feelingsad wrote: »

As soon as he sees me he seems to go out of his way to step his flirting up a gear with other girls, being really obvious and I think rubbing my nose in it a little.

If he is doing that, in my opinion, he is clearly not over you! He is doing it to make you jealous and to give the impression he doesn't care when the reality is that he is more than likely heartbroken.

I'd imagine deep down, that he is hoping you'll reconsider taking him back when you see him scoring with other girls.

As ignorant and hurtful as his actions seem, i'm sure he is hurting just as much as you are and that's his way of hurting you back and putting the 2 of you on an even keel. People don't genuinely bounce back from relationships that quickly, unless the relationship was on the rocks for a long time before hand.

Try not to worry too much Op, just try and help yourself without worrying about him and what he is up to! Easy on paper I know, but try your best!

Burial

feelingsad wrote: »

My relationship broke up about two weeks ago and since then my ex has bounced back in record time, relentlessly flirting with other girls in front of me and I'm finding it hard to get over. The breakup was almost mutual, more me than him but then he did have a drunken 'encounter' with another woman so that was where it began and end for me. We tried to work through it, I couldnt, and so we agreed to call it quits. He spun me a line about me being the most fantastic girl ever and how he hoped eventually we might find our way back to each other and I lapped it up!

We have the same circle of friends so it's a given that we'll see each other when we're out, and we're not really talking right now so it's more of an eyes across a dancefloor/pub affair. As soon as he sees me he seems to go out of his way to step his flirting up a gear with other girls, being really obvious and I think rubbing my nose in it a little. I usually leave when this happens as the feelings are still very raw for me and although I know hes a free agent now, it hurts to see how quickly he has jumped back in the saddle so to speak.

I don't know if it's better to avoid going out when I know he's going to be there and let it heal or if facing it head on is better in the long run? I wish things could be how they were before but I can't forgive what he did so us being apart has to be the right thing - doesn't it?

Your being the mature one from the break-up. You can't control his actions, but you shouldn't stop having fun/communicating with your friends because of him. If he's just flirting to impress you, than he'll never have a meanigful relationship and he still wants you back. Best way to go about it, is to aim to have fun with your friends and ignore his actions. Once he realises your not impressed by what he's doing he'll stop. The fact he knows it's getting to you is what is keeping him doing it.

Colonel_McCoy

sounds like he is doing it to make you jealous and wants you back.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys & girls. Ordinarily I'd think the same, maybe he was trying to prove a point to me or something, but it just hurts me so much. Whatever happened between us I thought we could at least be civil, now he doesn't talk to me (I tried the olive branch last week and got no response from him) which makes me think he couldn't give a toss either way.

I feel foolish if anything for thinking we were close when it seems like it was nothing at all, for him anyway.

faceman

who caused the break up? If it was him then i doubt he is doing it because he wants the OP back. OP, dont get your spirits up yet!

Men and women deal with break ups differently. Men will use flirting/sex etc as an escape or as a form of therapy. yes he may be making you jealous be it intentional or otherwise but that doesnt really matter. either way you need to distance yourself here.

You have the same circle of friends which is unfortunate. Try talking to your close friends in the bunch and explain you need time away from him to heal, and ask them to have nights out with you where he is not around. If they are true friends then it shouldnt be a problem.

For your own sanity you need to avoid contact with him.