Just feeling down....

LegacyUser

I don't really know why I'm posting this or where to start. I'm registered on here but a few people know me that I don't want reading all this, even though I'm not sure what I want to say.

I guess I should start with some background. I moved to Dublin a few years ago and my boyf at the time moved soon after, we were living together for 2yrs until we broke up last year. It was my decision as things just weren't going anywhere, I wasn't in love with him anymore, but it still wasn't an easy thing to do. Its horrible having to hurt someone like that, to know that you're the reason that they are in so much pain, but not knowing how to help.

I was over it long before we broke up, to be honest I'd had in on my mind for about a year before hand, I just didn't have the nerve do it after 5 years together, I was scared I'd regret it. But, I didn't, and I can honestly say I've had more fun and met more people in the last year than I have in the past 5. I was bullied when I was younger but I feel like I've finally become happy with myself and where I'm at.

Over the last year, I've met a few guys but the last guy I was seeing seemed to like me as much as I liked him, my friends loved him, and I felt like I'd finally met someone I could start seeing properly again. Things went wrong though and it didn't work out. I found it hard because I'd met him not long after things had gone pear shaped with another guy I was really into. It was like one after the other and it was just too much y'know.

I'm back in college now too, with no backing from home as I don't speak much to my family, and I'm just worried about whether or not I'm going to be able to get through the year money wise. I'm already going to owe 8k when I finish. As well as that, I haven't been able to hit the gym as much due to an injury and although I doubt I've put on much weight I'm still feeling really ****ty about myself. Its like I'm losing all the confidence I gained this year, and I don't know why or whats wrong.

I mean this time last month I was delighted to find out I'd got into the course and got a loan approved, now I'm panicking that its not going to be enough to cover me and that I might not get through the year. This time last year, I was delighted to be single for the first time in years, now I'm disillusioned after jumping in too quick and getting hurt

I grew up with alcoholism and violence in my house, so I don't speak to or see my parents much now, I spent most of my childhood with a relative. But it was my fathers birthday recently and I bought him a present I knew he'd love and posted it up, even though I'm pretty strapped for cash. He never mentioned it, first I heard of him getting it was when my sister asked me 2 weeks later if I'd sent it. I haven't gotten presents from either of them in years, and I'd never expect nor want them, but it wouldn't take much to say thanks.

I have some great friends around me, and I should be happy, but I'm just having a bad day I guess and its all getting on top of me.
I don't know what I want to hear, but I think just typing this is helping, I probably feel stupid tomorrow for being such a goose.

Thanks for reading.
x

tbh

no way you should feel stupid, this is one of the weird things about being human. We all have days like this, but we rarely talk about them, with the result that we think they just happen to us, and we feel like failures for not dealing with them in a better way. You've helped yourself by posting, and that's a good start. I know that your problems seem insurmountable at the moment, but that's just because you are the bottom of the hill looking up, so to speak. Most of the problems you describe won't be problems in a years time, and a year flys by. It'll be tough to survive on so little money, but you'll either do it or you won't, you know? It won't kill you (I'm not belittling your problems by the way, I know from experience how hard this is to deal with, just trying to let you know that you will come through this).

Remember, with bad things, as with good things, all things will pass. If you remember that while things are going well, it helps you not to get arrogant. If you remember it while things are going badly, it helps you not to get disheartened.

I'm sorry your dad didn't react better to getting his present, and I get the impression that you exposed yourself a little by even buying it (maybe against your better judgement?), but there's nothing you can do to control that. It's just something you have to let go of. While there's air in your lungs, and your heart is beating, you have hope. Get some sleep tonight, and if things don't seem better tomorrow, maybe they will on Saturday.

Don't despair, the fight may be long but it'll be worth it. And maybe tomorrow is the day things start to improve.

themacdaddy

ok this is probably not going to help you but when i feel down and crap and like things are getting on top of me...i try think of others worse than me....years ago i was having an operation (serious but not very serious) and i was all worried but on the way into theatre i seen a letter from a 6yr old boy on the hospital wall and he was thanking the staff for helping him through lukemia. I remember thinking then how lucky i was not to be facing that...so whenever things get me down now i try focus on the positives that i have my health and friends...i am not a starving in africa or stuck in a war...it does help pick up my mood...i know your having a hard time but things will get better...just try ride it out and focus on the positives in your life rather than the negatives :-)

Queen-Mise

congratulations on your college & I wish you the best of luck on it. Well done on sorting it all out, and having the b*lls & gumption to go and do it.

Speak to someone in the college about all the stuff in the past - its very hard when you are carrying that stuff around on a day to day basis - no matter how infrequently it comes up, its still inside.

I wish you the best of luck, and well done again

tbh

themacdaddy wrote: »

ok this is probably not going to help you but when i feel down and crap and like things are getting on top of me...i try think of others worse than me....years ago i was having an operation (serious but not very serious) and i was all worried but on the way into theatre i seen a letter from a 6yr old boy on the hospital wall and he was thanking the staff for helping him through lukemia. I remember thinking then how lucky i was not to be facing that...so whenever things get me down now i try focus on the positives that i have my health and friends...i am not a starving in africa or stuck in a war...it does help pick up my mood...i know your having a hard time but things will get better...just try ride it out and focus on the positives in your life rather than the negatives :-)

I was the same in hospital when I was diagnosed with diabetes, right next to the cancer ward. It does help put things in perspective, but on the flip side, while you realise that things could be worse, you can also see for a lot of people, things seem to be better. All problems are relative really. But - on the whole, you're right.

LegacyUser

Thanks a mil for all the replies I'm feeling a bit better today, I guess I was just feeling a bit low.

tbh- I did kind of let my guard down by sending that present, and it just felt really rotten then to think he has the upper hand now. But I won't be doing it again.

I ran into a bit of cash I didn't think I was getting, so its really helping me out. And you're right about people being worse off, there are loads of people who didn't even get on to my course, if that was me I'd be gutted.

Plus my class are all lovely this year and I'm getting on well with all of them, compared to when I first went to college here and found it difficult.

tbh

feelingdown wrote: »

tbh- I did kind of let my guard down by sending that present, and it just felt really rotten then to think he has the upper hand now. But I won't be doing it again.

Can I just say with the present thing - I recognised the symptoms, and I think that may have triggered you feeling down more than you realise. It's like when you put yourself out there by telling someone you love them, and they don't say it back. But - it's important for you not to let that effect you. So what if your dad didn't appreciate it? Maybe he just doesn't have the skills to properly deal with the emotions, you know? What matters is, you did a lovely thing, you let a bit of love into your life, and that's what really counts. Don't let it harden you. Great to see you're doing better, feel free to pm me if you ever want a chat

edit: basically, if you let your dad affect your behaviour then he really does have the upper hand. You do what you feel is right, if he doesn't respond, it's his problem, not yours.