commitment????

LegacyUser

hi 3 months ago i met a lovely fella.he lives about two hours away.we met and that night were inseperable.he showered me with kisses and we agreed to meet again. he travelled down especially 2 times since to meet me. first time he brought flowers nd we went for a meal and a night out. second time we went to the cinema and again had an amazing night.he rings a few times a day and we text constantly and we both seem really comfortable in each others company.

howevr last night he burst the bubble. he said he was scared of commitment and didnt want to hurt me.he says he loves me but doesnt want me to be holding on till he is ready to commit.as you can imagine im utterly confused.

i feel very disheartened. yet today when he rang he said he wanted to continue having dates and talking as he thinks we are good.men are very confusing??please all advise gratefull.

Overheal

trans: hes not in a situation where he is able to/wants to close the gap, move in together, etc.

in other words, trying to slow things down a bit.

bstar

my oh said the exact same thing to me this time last year and i just said we'll take things slow for a while we're now living together and talking about getting engaged. tell him your happy to go slow (if u are) and im sure it will work out,

nolly23

Please dont think i'm being rude OP but can you answer a few questions to clarify the situation. You said he has come down to see you twice? Have you met other than that? Have you been up to see him? What age range are ye both in?

LegacyUser

ok im the op. havent had much experience on boards so excuse any mistakes i make.
i have been to see him once but when he came to see me it was for weekend visits not just days.im a mature 23 year old and he is 26. i have a child that completely does not bother him i made sure of this from the start!!i am not looking for engagement or moving in after 3 months!!!!!i suppose id just like to be exclusive.....i have no interest in dating anyone else.

Jack B. Badd

in loveeeeee wrote: »

i suppose id just like to be exclusive.....i have no interest in dating anyone else.

Have you told him this? If so, what was his response?

nolly23

The reason i was asking was in case ye were 16 or something. So you are reasonably happy with the way things are. ie dating?

Maybe he's just a bit scared that he is really falling for you and is freaking out about commitment. Or does he take commitment to be an exclusive relationship and he is still single in his eyes?

herya

You'd better ask him what does he mean by commitment exactly.

Wedding, children and shared mortgage? He's right it may be too early for that.

Or being faithful, responsible and respectful (and demanding the same)? You'd better reconsider the guy then.

LegacyUser

hi im a mature 23 year old and he is 26 years old. i am not looking for moving in or engagement im not a weirdo!!!!!!!!!! i have asked him about the commitment thing and he just says he is not ready doesny really expand on what it is!!i dont wanna push it, im happy to take it slow as long as im not being lead up for a fall!

sorry for delay he rang and spent 2 hours chatting!!!!mixed signals is wat im getting!!

LegacyUser

all he keeps saying is he is not ready for a girlfriend!!i sat and did nothing tonight and he rang me and stayed talking for 2 hours.mixed signals i think.

nolly23

Are ye in an exclusive relationship? or is he going out with other girls?

LegacyUser

he says he is not and has no intention of meeting other girls. however we are not offically in a relationship which is kinda what i wanted but what he says he is not ready for.

miders

ok thanks for the replys. he says he does not or has not been seeing anyone else like me but is not not ready for the commitment of a girlfriend.

nolly23

OK I get it now. He is saying he loves you but is not ready for a girlfriend? Its really up to you at this stage if you'd be happy just making it a casual arrangement. Just be careful you dont end up being a doormat and let him walk all over you. Tell him you are happy to take it as slow as he likes but that it doesnt give him the licence to be off with other girls!!!

Overheal

Aye. For example, he might be perfectly grand with the child thing, but its a big adjustment that I would be cautious about commiting to, myself. You've only been going out 3 months though and from what I read its going well; ♪ Its alllright......take it eeeeassayyyye....♪

miders

thanks ye have really helped me.........its silly i know i think its cause im a scorpio im impatient a lil and panic!!!!i do really like him first time ive really felt the whole flutters excitement hang on every word kinda thing. had one bad experience so very aware of the whole doormat situation!!

Jack B. Badd

Regardless of your horoscope, communication is important in any relationship even (especially?) one that's non-exclusive. You say you don't want to push it but be aware that that attitude will probably end up with neither of you understanding the way things stand from the point of view of the other. If you're getting mixed signals, ask him to clarify them for you so you're aware of what he expects and vice versa.

MagicMarker

You sound like a booty call to me... (can't believe i actually said booty call)...

miders

I AM NOT NOW OR NEVER WILL BE A BOOTY CALL.

Overheal

im scared.

thats the right attitude to maintain though. he might melt your heart but dont let him melt your self worth. keep an eye out for dodgey b-call practice.

Karen_*

miders wrote: »

I AM NOT NOW OR NEVER WILL BE A BOOTY CALL.

Very glad to hear that!! So tell him since he isn't calling you his girlfriend then you aren't calling yourself his F*** buddy. And make that official!

miders

I think we have mutual respect like that.he knows i am not like that nor would stand for it.this really is not an issue of sex.

i dont know if that first comment about the booty call was made because i have a child (after a 4 year relationship i might add!!)but i dont enter sexual matters lighty!!

but in the meantime i have sat back and done NOTHING!!i dont know if its right or wrong but i have noticed an increase in calls, texts and general lovable nice things.

i think i will give this guy a chance and follow my heart........

not yet

MARRIED,MARRIED.

miders

HAHAHAHAAH he is twenty million percent not married!!!

not yet

Gay? in a relationship? scared? gay again...? mummys boy?

miders

ok he is not gay........not in a relationship...........but he does say he is scared of a relationship and doesnt want to hurt me.......

Karen_*

Usually when a guy wants to see you but not go out with you he's looking for his bit. The comments were nothing to do with you having a child. I'm a single mum myself:)

not yet

All you can do is take it as it comes..no pun intended!!!

Live your life,see him when it suits, and no pressure.....

themacdaddy

we are a complicated bunch...just meet up with him again and have a talk...easiest option...if you like him and he still wants to meet you then why not!

miders

complicated is an understatement!!!!!!!!

MagicMarker

I don't think it's complicated, i think he likes what he's getting right now and doesn't want to complicate it any further from himself. He says he loves you but isn't ready for a commitment? Come on that's bull. He's being all lovey dovey to keep you sweet.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

And no, i'm not saying this because you have a kid, i'm not even sure what you mean by that.

miders

MagicMarker wrote: »

I don't think it's complicated, i think he likes what he's getting right now and doesn't want to complicate it any further from himself. He says he loves you but isn't ready for a commitment? Come on that's bull. He's being all lovey dovey to keep you sweet.

I LOVE THE WAY YOU THINK ITS A GIVEN THAT HE HAS GOT SOMETHING FROM ME...........AND THANKS FOR EXPLAINING THAT MEN ARE ONE TRACK MINDED ****ERS.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

THANKS FOR THE GRT COMPARISON YOU REALLY CHEERED ME UP

MagicMarker

miders wrote: »

MagicMarker wrote: »

I don't think it's complicated, i think he likes what he's getting right now and doesn't want to complicate it any further from himself. He says he loves you but isn't ready for a commitment? Come on that's bull. He's being all lovey dovey to keep you sweet.

I LOVE THE WAY YOU THINK ITS A GIVEN THAT HE HAS GOT SOMETHING FROM ME...........AND THANKS FOR EXPLAINING THAT MEN ARE ONE TRACK MINDED ****ERS.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

THANKS FOR THE GRT COMPARISON YOU REALLY CHEERED ME UP

MY PLEASURE.

First off, if he wasn't getting anything from you then you would have said so in response to my first post. Plus you wouldn't be so obviously insulted by my suggesting it in the first place. So forgive me for thinking you have ''given him something''.

I'm sorry you're taking offence, but you can't deny that it's a distint possibility as yes, some men are one track minded ****ers.

miders

any idea so why he went to the hassle of meeting my family/friends??yes trust me i know all bout those kinds of men i could right a book!!!!!!!!

Karen_*

Miders no-one has said he got something from you. You posted a thread presumably to get peoples advice and opinions and no-one has been horrible. All people are trying to say is that usually when a man does not want a relationship its because he would like the benefits of a relationship without commitment. And no-one is suggesting for a second that he is getting anything from you and it indeed is none of our business. People are just warning you what a man usually means when he says he can't or won't go out with you officially.

When you say that you feel advice given is based on the fact you have a child I can only take that to mean that you think people think you're easy because you're a single mother??? If people thought that or were actually saying that on this thread there would be uproar. You're taking everything up the wrong way. I think you only want to hear from those that are of the same opinion as yourself and that's that he will change his mind and everything will be fine.

MagicMarker

miders wrote: »

any idea so why he went to the hassle of meeting my family/friends??yes trust me i know all bout those kinds of men i could right a book!!!!!!!!

Some men will go to great lengths:)

Seriously, i'm not saying this is the case, just that it could be.

Other than this there's not a lot else you can do, if he's not ready to commit then al you can do is respect his decision, but don't wait around for him.

miders

thanks for ALL replies and opinions xxxxxxx