2 quickies

rocky25

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from the Gold Coast when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked,

'Are you going to the Gold Coast?"

'Sure,' answered the blonde, 'do you need a lift?'

'Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck.

My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the Gold Coast Zoo.

They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day.

Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me?

I'll give you $100 for your trouble.'

'I'd be happy to,' said the blonde.

So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts.

Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of the Gold Coast when suddenly he was horrified!!

There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.

With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

'What the heck are you doing here?' he demanded,

'I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.'

'Yes, I know you did,' said the blonde,

‘But we had money left over --- so now we're going to SeaWorld.'

~~~~~~~~~~~

A five-year-old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together.

Grandpa pulled a beer out of the cooler.

The little boy asked, 'Grandpa, can I have a beer?

Grandpa replied 'Can your pecker touch your ass?'

The little boy answered, 'No Grandpa, It's just a little pecker!'

Grandpa said, 'Then you're not man enough to have a beer.'

A little later Grandpa lit up a cigar.

The little boy asked, 'Grandpa, can I have a cigar?'

Once again, Grandpa asked, 'Can your pecker touch you're ass?'

The little boy answered 'no,' again.

Grandpa said, 'Then your not man enough to have a cigar.'

A little later, the boy came out of the house with some cookies and milk.

Grandpa asked, 'Can I have a cookie?'

The boy asked, 'Can your pecker touch your ass? '

Grandpa replied, 'Hell yeah, my pecker can touch my ass!'

The boy replied, 'Then go f*ck yourself!

Grandma made these for me.

GAAman

Second one made me laugh