Unsure about friends behaviour?

LegacyUser

Hi all, i'm wondering about something minor that happened recently with a friend. This girl is living in London and i'm over here in Dublin, we've been friends for a few years. She sent me a message that she was coming over to dublin with her new boyfriend and wanted to meet up,she said about 8 in town, i arranged a babysitter until midnight and was looking forward to seeing her. Texted her at 7 saying i'll be leaving in a few where do you want to meet. Got a text back saying that she was going to dinner with her guy at 8.30 and would be in town about 10. I waited around, having gotten dressed up and have a babysitter who is a bit miffed that i don't seem to need her and wait for a message. She didn't text me so i texted her again asking what the story is, she says she's planning on being in town at 11 so i said look i've to be back for 12 so i'll have to leave it. No reply.

Saw a message the next day that she sent at 3 giving out to me for not coming into see her and this guy. She said since i had become a mother i'd become a crap friend and i was completely selfish. I wrote back the next day saying my life is different but i'm always here for you, we made a plan to meet at 8 and you didn't tell me you weren't going to be there, i had to text you and then you arrived 3 hours later and expected me to still be waiting for you. Call me and we'll discuss this properly. Never heard from her since. This was a few weeks ago. So opinions on should i just cross her off the friends list or did i overreact about this? Thanks.

*adele*

Your reaction was a lot better than mine would have been. You're a mother,therefore you have responsibilities and you can't be at her beck and call.
If she thinks you've become a bad friend for that maybe she isn't a very good friend. It seems she wants a friend that she can blow off when shes busy and expect them to be ready and waiting when she decides she wants them around.
If you feel the relationship is worth saving I'd explain how you felt in the situation and if she can't understand that you should probably just forget about her.

MagicMarker

Forget about the waste of space, she's no friend.

miss_shadow

oh my god what a self absorbed little child she is!!:eek:
this happened to me, we shared a house together... things did not turn out well. it was like she thought we had some sort of agreement that she owned me! lol. didn't take me long to get the hell out of there anyway.
actually i'm still baffled at how her mentality must have been throughout the whole friendship, I actually thought it was a friendship! ha......................ha:rolleyes:

I suggest you may not see her in person again, there may be a huge cat fight. no joking,these kinds of women are loopy

MugMugs

She was out of line........... but....

She didnt know your side of it.... And probably didnt appreciate the whole babysitter / timing thing.... Silly I know but people who arent parents are ignorant to that kinda stuff.....

She is bang out of line for snapping though and the fact she hasnt called may mean she is just embarrassed....

Leave it sit..... If she values your friendship and is still the same person she will contact you again.... If she doesnt ? Her loss....

Enjoy your child and congratulations !

angeldelight

To be honest I think the whole babysitter thing is a side issue - whether you have children or not it is not acceptable that someone would say meet you at 8 and essentially not turn up til 11... she didn't have to know the OP's side of things, no matter what situation the OP had, what that girl did was rude and out of order

LegacyUser

To be honest it was more her arranging to meet at 8 and not bothering to tell me she wouldn't be there until much later that annoyed me. If i hadn't texted her before i left i would have been sitting in town alone!

towel401

people who do the not replying to texts thing piss me off. you should be giving out to her

Texting is a ****ty way to communicate anyway.

zuroph

she could have invited u to join them for dinner. her fault IMO.

FX Meister

Some people don't really understand the responsibilities of having a kid. It seems the best thing she could have done was ask you to dinner with them if she wanted to see you, surely she has all the time with him in London. I'd maybe give her a call to discuss it as it seems she won't make the first move. Sometimes you just have to go that extra bit with some friends who lack decent judgement.

LegacyUser

My main irritation was that she asked me to meet up, then she said we'll meet at 8 but then went off and booked a restaurant for 8.30 and didn't bother telling me. She's done this before where she has asked me to meet her in town at x time and when i've texted to find out where she'd say oh we're still at xs place or in howth/bray etc when we've agreed to meet in town. There has been a ton of nights where this happened but this was the worst. The place where she went to dinner is actually about a 10 min drives from me where town is further. As regards the babysitter usually i only get to see her for a half hour or not at all after paying for a night with the sitter.

The her not understanding my life is a different issue. She's turning 30 and getting a bit crazy about not being married although she says she never wants children. She's never met my daughter or expressed any interest in meeting her, only asks occasionally how she is. I think its a bit mean but if somebody doesn't like children i won't force them to be around my daughter as to be honest they're not the kind of person i would want around my daughter. I'm single and i'm quite happy but she can't understand that. She thinks because i have a child i should be on the hunt for a husband like she is. She doesn't get at all that i'm happy being by myself and if somebody comes along thats great but if they don't i'll still be happy.

Anyhow my big problem is that she makes these plans then doesn't turn up, and doesn't tell me she won't be there or she wants to do something else and meet me after.

Marksie

Unregy333 wrote: »

My main irritation was that she asked me to meet up, then she said we'll meet at 8 but then went off and booked a restaurant for 8.30 and didn't bother telling me. She's done this before where she has asked me to meet her in town at x time and when i've texted to find out where she'd say oh we're still at xs place or in howth/bray etc when we've agreed to meet in town. There has been a ton of nights where this happened but this was the worst. The place where she went to dinner is actually about a 10 min drives from me where town is further. As regards the babysitter usually i only get to see her for a half hour or not at all after paying for a night with the sitter.

The her not understanding my life is a different issue. She's turning 30 and getting a bit crazy about not being married although she says she never wants children. She's never met my daughter or expressed any interest in meeting her, only asks occasionally how she is. I think its a bit mean but if somebody doesn't like children i won't force them to be around my daughter as to be honest they're not the kind of person i would want around my daughter. I'm single and i'm quite happy but she can't understand that. She thinks because i have a child i should be on the hunt for a husband like she is. She doesn't get at all that i'm happy being by myself and if somebody comes along thats great but if they don't i'll still be happy.

Anyhow my big problem is that she makes these plans then doesn't turn up, and doesn't tell me she won't be there or she wants to do something else and meet me after.

You are quite entitled to respond along the lines of:
"arranging to meet at 8, pissing off to dinner and not telling me at 8.30. Screwing me around until 11pm while i have arranged a babysitter until 12 is what you consider being a good friend is it?

We obviously different ideas on what friendship means. I am not the doormat you think I am"

of course that really depnds on whether you want to keep her as a friend and how she responds would be a good indicator of that.

zuroph

Unregy333 wrote: »

She's never met my daughter or expressed any interest in meeting her, only asks occasionally how she is.

this cements the deal, she doesnt care about you, she more likely wanted to show off her fella, or boast about her exciting life abroad. No matter how much someone doesnt want kids themselves, if they're a true friend, they'd be interested in how ur gettting on with ur new one! good riddance IMO

Oryx

Unregy333 wrote: »

So opinions on should i just cross her off the friends list or did i overreact about this? Thanks.

I dont often go for extreme actions, but yeah, cross her off. She isnt a friend, and she doesnt understand or have sympathy for your situation as a parent.

She sees you when its handy, dictates the terms and then leaves you hanging when it doesnt suit her. Oh, and then has the neck to say its your fault for being a crap friend. Thats not how friends behave.