Should I just not be in a relationship?

LegacyUser

Okay,

At the stage now where all my friends are fairly settled down.
I'm going out with a girl I love, I think she's amazing - so much fun, get on great -she's got an amazing spark about her.
Was out with the lads last night - and one of them told me he'd just got engaged - he was very happy.
He's got a couple of years on me and was saying how, at my age, he couldn't meet anyone until he met his now-fiancee and then he didn't want to meet anyone else.

Thing is, I find myself distracted by every pretty thing that comes along.
I love flirting, the chase and the excitement of someone new.

I've never cheated - I hope I never do as it's a pretty nasty thing to do to someone.
But I've been in situations a few times where I've been very tempted - it's taken a real effort of will to walk away.

So, I'm wondering, should I be in a relationship if I'm having these thoughts/feelings?
Are they perfectly natural and just part of our natural, biological instinct and something I just have to control?
Or am I just not in a place now where I should be going out with someone?

I'm suspicious that part of what might be going on here is that I didn't really get to chance to be with loads of girls when I was in college and early twenties.
I guess I wasn't that attractive back then.
But now I seem to be a prime catch - and have plenty of options!!!!

Maybe I need to go a bit wild for a couple of years.

Any advice?

Karen_*

The grass is always greener on the other side. And if you go to the other side the same will apply.

If you want to go a bit wild then you have to give up your girlfriend. Are you willing to do that? Its not set in stone by the way that you've to be with loads of women before you settle down. And you'll probably always be attracted to and fancy other women. Thats ok though and quite normal.

If you're happy as you are now and with a great girl then don't throw it all away. Just my opinion.

pwp

What's that phrase - "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush". It's always better to have one special person that you're with, rather than seeing plenty of nice women that you're not with but just flirting with.

Don't ruin something good.

Miss Fluff

Perfectly healthy to window shop imo, it all boils down to whether you choose to act on it.

Maybe the fact that your friend has got engaged has unsettled you insofar as you think that a proposal HAS to be the next logical step in your relationship and perhaps you are feeling a little bit cornered, albeit self-imposed?

If you are happy with your GF, take it day by day and do what feels right (that doesn't include cheating though, if you feel the compulsion to spread your wild oats, at least do the decent thing and break up with your girlfriend first).

Jack B. Badd

ConfusedFella wrote: »

Are they perfectly natural and just part of our natural, biological instinct and something I just have to control?

Do you think that these two things are mutually exclusive? Could it not be a case that your flirting and being tempted are part of your "natural, biological instinct" but that your actions are still something that you can control? Saying that something is "natural" does not mean that you can abdicate your responsibility in controlling your own behaviour.
As for your question about whether you should be in a relationship now, realistically you are the only person that can answer that question.

LegacyUser

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

Do you think that these two things are mutually exclusive? Could it not be a case that your flirting and being tempted are part of your "natural, biological instinct" but that your actions are still something that you can control? Saying that something is "natural" does not mean that you can abdicate your responsibility in controlling your own behaviour.

Not mutually exclusive at all. And not abdicating responsibility.
I'd very much believe that you are responsible for your own actions and behaviour and in no way would use "instinct" as an excuse.

I guess I'm trying to sort out in my own head where I am right now.

And Miss Fluff - engagement is a long way away (for both of us) so that's not a factor

Jack B. Badd

ConfusedFella wrote: »

Not mutually exclusive at all. And not abdicating responsibility.
I'd very much believe that you are responsible for your own actions and behaviour and in no way would use "instinct" as an excuse.

Good

ConfusedFella wrote: »

I guess I'm trying to sort out in my own head where I am right now.

Hopefully PI can act as a sounding board for you. I'm not sure that anyone apart from you can really sort your head out but sometimes the act of just voicing your opinions/thoughts can help to clarify things for you.