confused about how to deal with ex girlfriend

LegacyUser

Right I broke up with my ex there about a month or so ago. after we split it was the usual 'will they won't they' about us getting back together and we'd alternate between fighting over the phone or online, being civil to each other when other people where about and then all over each other like a rash the minute we where alone. anyways a few weeks after we split we wound up sleeping together and spending the next day lying about all tangled up in bed then the week after we met up in town and wound up all over each other in a pub. and in general the conversations had taken a decidedly more love based context. a lot of the reasons we'd split now seemed foolish and with hindsight we managed to work them out.

anyhoo she then started seeing someone else. when i called her on it she said that they were just seeing each other and it was nothing serious and that she had never intended to get back with me.
so I said grand, my bad for misunderstanding and said I'd back off a bit as I didn't want to muck up her new relationship.
so I stopped texting her/chatting to her online/ going to the same pub and within a week shes now going nuts. shes accusing me of avoiding her and texting me all these semi flirty messages and yesterday she starts texting me asking what I'm up too and when she discovered that I was in a mutual friends house having a video night she asks if she can come out, I couldnt say no as it was a mutual friends house.

so she arrives out half drunk to inform us that she was meant to be out with the new guy at a beer tasting festival and then proceeds to spend the next 3 hours taking the piss out of the films we where watching, asking us to go to the off license to get drink (even though she knows I'm on a special diet at the moment where I can't drink) and generally constantly looking for attention and going on about how great her life is now etc. it got so annoying that I just turned and asked her why, if she wanted to drink and she hated the films we where watching, did she choose to head out to a house with her ex boyfriend to watch films she doesn't like where no ones drinking when shes been invited to a beer tasting session with her new boyfriend and this of course starts another argument.

cos of the way she's been acting I've kind of decided that I defintely don't want to get back with her (the new boyfriend doesn't help this of course), however I do obviously still have feelings for her and find it difficult to not rise to these situations.
I don't want to give her attention cos if I freak out at her about these things she'll think I still have feelings for her and if I just give her the attention she wants she'll think the same. I'm gonna try to keep avoiding her as much as possible but she's not making it easy.

Marksie

Well, it seems you don't need advice as you know exactly what you are doing and its the right course of action.

Despite your ex assertations on how great her life is, it obviously isn't.

She is the one who has to sort herself out.

Miss Fluff

How did you break up in the first instance? Was it mutual? Your ex is not happy at all obviously with the way things have panned out, and seems to be playing you off against her ex. You need to think very carefully once and for all whether you want to give it another go (and by that I don't mean the occassional drunken shag). You either want to be with her or you don't. If not, then you need to cut off contact for now and both go about your own business, you're just prolonging the whole process otherwise.

wasper

friedbrain83 wrote: »

Right I broke up with my ex there about a month or so ago. after we split it was the usual 'will they won't they' about us getting back together and we'd alternate between fighting over the phone or online, being civil to each other when other people where about and then all over each other like a rash the minute we where alone. anyways a few weeks after we split we wound up sleeping together and spending the next day lying about all tangled up in bed then the week after we met up in town and wound up all over each other in a pub. and in general the conversations had taken a decidedly more love based context. a lot of the reasons we'd split now seemed foolish and with hindsight we managed to work them out.

anyhoo she then started seeing someone else. when i called her on it she said that they were just seeing each other and it was nothing serious and that she had never intended to get back with me.
so I said grand, my bad for misunderstanding and said I'd back off a bit as I didn't want to muck up her new relationship.
so I stopped texting her/chatting to her online/ going to the same pub and within a week shes now going nuts. shes accusing me of avoiding her and texting me all these semi flirty messages and yesterday she starts texting me asking what I'm up too and when she discovered that I was in a mutual friends house having a video night she asks if she can come out, I couldnt say no as it was a mutual friends house.

so she arrives out half drunk to inform us that she was meant to be out with the new guy at a beer tasting festival and then proceeds to spend the next 3 hours taking the piss out of the films we where watching, asking us to go to the off license to get drink (even though she knows I'm on a special diet at the moment where I can't drink) and generally constantly looking for attention and going on about how great her life is now etc. it got so annoying that I just turned and asked her why, if she wanted to drink and she hated the films we where watching, did she choose to head out to a house with her ex boyfriend to watch films she doesn't like where no ones drinking when shes been invited to a beer tasting session with her new boyfriend and this of course starts another argument.

cos of the way she's been acting I've kind of decided that I defintely don't want to get back with her (the new boyfriend doesn't help this of course), however I do obviously still have feelings for her and find it difficult to not rise to these situations.
I don't want to give her attention cos if I freak out at her about these things she'll think I still have feelings for her and if I just give her the attention she wants she'll think the same. I'm gonna try to keep avoiding her as much as possible but she's not making it easy.

Your ex seems to me a bit immature. She wants to have her cake & eat it.
The best thing is to avoid texting her back when she initiates txt.
It is not fair on the new guy if she is chasing you again.

Anti

Dude, walk away now. You seem well balanced and mature, herself on the otherhand sounds a bit nutty.

The whole your on a break and she hooks up with another guy is always a bad point. You are on a break for a reason ( just incase you dont know, its meant to be about deciding if you are meant for each other, or if you have a future) the fact that she got someone so quick is a terrible sign... Call it a rebound or what ever, but its shows a serious lack of judgement on her part. Flaunting him in your face... Well, i dont need to say anymore.

The feelings you have for her will take a while to disapate\subside. Which is only normal, by the sounds of your post you have already made your mind up. Stick with your gut instinct lad.