reinvent social life after divorce?

fionaincork

hi
I'm new here.
I'm nearly divorced (court date in 4 weeks - yippeee! )
Have 2 kids - I'm in my early 40s - all my friends are couples. I need to give my social life a jump start.
Are there any networking / social groups out there for born-again singles (who are already parents)?

any tips , pointers would be appreciated.
thanks
Fiona

CDfm

hard one that - people you know from years ago have moved on and like it or not you are not a young wan any more and have kids

networking groups are all right but you really need a hobby or interest where you will meet people

otherwise you will end up clubbing and like it or not its a sex thing and one night stands

so if you wre into irish then irish groups or dance or music stuff or even art and history groups so you need a new social group and it might be other divorced people like yourself

hate to burst your bubble but you are right it is difficult to rebuild the social life you had as a couple.

I met a lady last weekend in a similar situation to you and the conversation was brutal - I know about her kids dog ex-husband and everything. Was delighted when dinner finished and I could get home and watch telly.

That said tomorrow Im going out walking with a bunch of people that are new to me

fionaincork

Hi CDfm

sorry to hear your date did not work out but please dont' assume all women of my age and status have nothing of interest ot talk about.

I have been on several dates and children have not been part ofhte conversation. I work with mostly younger people and conversation is never an issue. I have also been out on the town with single friends - its great to get out and let your hair down but lets fact it its a long shot to find a quality relationship that way. You did not burst my bubble - i've been single for 5 years (thats what it takes to get a divorce).

I do have hobbies and interests - i just dont' seem to be meeting single men of roughly my age. I'm under no illusions about my age but I am an active, attractive, financially independant and emotionally stable woman. If all you see is "auld wan with kids" - that is your loss.

All I wanted from this thread was to know if anyone out there was part of a network that might add another angle for me.

smiler26

Well said Fionaincork!:)

I dont know the answer to your question, but I totally agree with your last post.

Maybe try bars outside the city? They tend to have a somewhat older clientele

Clare Bear

Try hillwalking groups or something similar? All different types of people and ages.

fionaincork

Thanks smiler - glad you agree.
Clare bear - hillwalking is something I had thought about - I'll definitley have to look into that - thanks for the suggestion.

any other suggestions - keep them coming

CDfm

fionaincork - didnt mean to rain on your parade. last weeks date didnt even have a Cork accent to redeem her. Im an addict of the voice of Ester in Soupy Norman

stuff like hillwalking is fun - was just pointing out the huge differencre between twenties dating and 40s

stuff like historical societies etc or even GAA clubs if you have a child of sporty age are fun and you get to meet lovely people - art galleries and new exhibitions especially on opening night are a real dress up thing.

if you are ever in dublin send me a pm and you can Cork accent me for an hour

fionaincork

Lol Cdfm - not quite sure I could live up to Ester !

I know there is a big difference between dating at 20 and dating at 40 :eek: - but its still scary. And you have the extra issue of keeping your kids out of it until you know the guy is likely to be around for a while.

I'm signing up for a wine appreciation course (not that I need a course to appreciate wine but it'll get me out of the house).
I've also tracked down the details of a few hillwalking clubs. I've talked a freind into riding shotgun. We'll see how it goes.

If the fresh air doesnt' knock me out the wine will so I'm sorted either way!

MJOR

Hi Fiona,

I totally understand where you're at a friend of mine was in a similar situation. She did an evening class and met up with lots of people and did this thing one night called dine to meet you.... there's loads o oppurtunity.

I'm 29 and my friends range in age from 21 to 58. And all ages in between so get yourself out their. Try chatting with the mums at the school gate too

Good luck!

CDfm

Are the montford singers still going at the opera house:D

Kazbah

Some suggestions that spring to mind...

Get the adult ed brochures for community schools in your locality.
There are a lot of theatre groups/drama clubs/choirs etc
Do you have a particular interest in any sport?
Google the Bishopstown orienteering club - it's a great way to pass a Sunday morning.
Volunteer one evening a week for The Simon Community Soup Run or similar.... or walk the guide dogs they are always looking for help I think.
Try www.plentyoffish.com
Look at the prospectus for St Johns, College of Comm etc - maybe further study for your job?
Join the parents association of your kids' school.


Hope that helps,
Kaz.

CDfm

Did you think of the local Fianna Fail Cumann - arent you spoiled for choice.

If there is another Lisbon Vote you could be knocking on doors from the Silver Springs to Carrignavar and back into the City via Blarney.

Some people I know joined Macra Na Feirme as an alternative to night classes and the age group is 20-40 or so.

Joking about the FF Cumann but you get the drift stuff you can drop into socially and coming up to Christmas there must be loads of local clubs and societies raising funds that you could get involved with just for fundraising and bow out of after the Xmas if you wre so inclined

fionaincork

kazbah

yes ive got the contact info for the bishopstown hillwalking club - have a friend lined up to join in. Nothing to lose right?
I am in a music group, and i do an adult education course every year. I've tried online dating too - there are a lot of kind sensitive romantic guys with GSOH out there in cyberspace. I did date a guy for a while last year but that didnt' last.
Hope I'm not starting to sound desperate ? With all the stuff i HAVE been trying getting me nowhere - I was just looking to see if there were other ideas out there.

Cdfm - you have it in for me dont' you?! I believe the Montforts use the Everyman these days :P I've done my time on stage but now my daughter is coming of age I'll likely start the round with her again. Push her out on stage so I can network backstage

I'd be the last to diss Fianna Fail and Macra but I think they might rumble me fairly quickly;) - but you're right - get involved in the things that get you going - i used to be involved in Amnesty - might hold that thought for a while and concentrate on the walking.
Thanks for all the suggestions.

CDfm

nah i dont have it in for you

ive a date on saturday - gallery and lunch-:p

you have to try