Bad body image?

LegacyUser

Hey guys,going unreg for this,feel like I'm losing my mind.

Have always had a weight problem,called names growing up and even my parents having a go at me about being big.So one of my exes was big into keep fit and diet and said to me that they'd like me better if I lost weight,so I started going to the gym with them.I lost weight,got compliments and all but never really felt happy about it.It felt like everything we did was taken over by the diet-everything we ate,my ex would be keeping an eye on it,could never relax because it'd be "time for a walk!" or "lets go to the gym!"

Anyway,we broke up.Then I met the love of my life,we're getting engaged,the whole lot.Now with being happy and comfortable,the weight has crept back up over the last 2 years,I'm pretty much back where I started.EXCEPT,I'm now constantly disgusted with myself.I can't look in mirrors,hate having photos taken,hate clothes shopping.I reckon its a hold over of my relationship with my ex,where how I looked was such an important part of their feelings for me(or thats how I saw it anyway)

Have mentioned this to my OH,they said I look pefect the way I am,they love me and don't want me to change.I've started to change my diet and walk home from work 4 nights a week(3 KM,give or take) but still have this feeling of being a massive obese lump.I'm scared that,even if I lose weight again,its not gonna make a difference coz whenever I look at my reflection I'm just gonna see a tub of lard.

Dunno if anyone has advice,or feels the same,but just needed to vent!

Marksie

I really do feel for you OP.
An ex of mine was in the very same situation as you due to family memebres who thought tough love, badgering and continued harrassment over their weight was the way to go (strangely a similar thread on the flip side of the coin was in PI recently and some of the advice was frighteningly similar).. The damage to her body image was extensive as well as the damage to her pyche and physical health.

She was in a much worse state OP but what she described was very muhc aliong the same lines.

You may need help to actually having a look at where all this is coming from and there are stickies on various organisations who may be able to help you to get some perspective.

Its good to be healthier, but you may very well be trying to fit yourself into an ideal image that you have been given to believe is right for you when it is not.

Your partner sounsd wonderful, so maybe you should sit down again and say how much this is affecting you and see if she will help in giving you moral support in seeking more professional advice.

McGinty

Hi Op

I feel for you because I am only just coming to terms with my body image. I don't think it has helped that you were called names for being big by kids/'friends'. I think being judged by your parents as being 'too big' was extremely cruel, I had that problem, my mother thought it would do me good to berate me for my weight for four years by verbally abusing me and telling me no one would care for me because I was too fat, it left me with crippling low self esteem, a disgust at my body and years of watching my weight. To compound that you had a controlling ex who was more concerned with whipping you into shape and keeping you that way, rather than caring and loving you for who you are.

You have a partner who loves you as you are, they love you as a person, as a whole human being, please try to remember that. As for restoring your self image, well I don't know how long it will take you, but it took me years, but what I did do was try to find one aspect of my body that was attractive, I started with my hair, and I built up on that, I now feel very comfortable in my body and I am quite plump considering today's standards but I have a lovely shape, I even like my round tummy. The thing is once you accept yourself it feels so much better, and I wonder if the negative voices you hear are all the people in your past. I hope you will be able to listen to your partner who loves you and believe that they are telling the truth. Also maybe it wouldn't hurt to say to your parents that their comments re: your weight was hurtful to you (only if you feel you can do this, I couldn't with mine, but if you could I think you would remove some of the anger and hurt you felt).

Handsome Bob

Block out the negativity in your life OP. I was run down by my father, brothers and friends because of my weight and it left me emotionally crippled. Be your own man and don't give a **** about what anyone says, that's what helped me see the situation I was in clearly.

Lose weight if you want to, but do it for yourself and not for other people.