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All hail the 'Butt Bandit'!!!

  • 12-09-2008 3:25am
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,919 ✭✭✭✭


    http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/630226/lewd-vandal-leaves-imprint-on-us-town
    Lewd vandal leaves imprint on US town

    09:19 AEST Fri Sep 12 2008

    People in a Nebraska town wish their busiest vandal would find another way to make his mark.

    Beginning more than a year ago, some man has been skipping from one business to another at night, pressing his naked behind - sometimes his groin, sometimes both - on windows. Store owners, church workers and school janitors have had to wash lotion and petroleum jelly off the windows he selects.

    "This is the weirdest case I've ever seen," said police Chief Ben McBride.

    Some residents of Valentine, a remote central US town of about 2,650 people, find some humour in the strange vandalism and have taken to calling the perpetrator the "Butt Bandit". But they also can't help but cringe when finding his marks.

    "We were completely grossed out," said Kalli Kieborz, who works in a downtown building. "One day I walked into the office and an employee said, 'Oh, my God, we've been struck!"'

    The police chief is far from amused.

    "It's not funny," McBride said. "We're worried about the next step."

    It started in spring 2007, when the window of a Methodist church was greased with an imprint. McBride figured it was a high school prank. But the church kept getting hit, even after police staked it out.

    The bandit struck business after business, window after window last summer.

    Then he - and maybe, McBride said, copycat vandals - stopped over the fall and winter.

    "People said he was done," McBride said. "Then he started back up this summer."

    During one particularly brazen session, virtually all the windows at a local hotel were imprinted.

    McBride said no one has reported seeing the vandal in action. The only clue is a blurry picture of him caught by a surveillance camera at the middle school last year.

    The man was 1.8 metres tall or slightly taller, and slender. He had a dark complexion, and McBride said the man's dark hair was styled in a "1980s, feathered look."

    What an absolute hero and a great choice of calling card! :D


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,354 ✭✭✭smellslikeshoes


    My new hero.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 29,130 ✭✭✭✭Karl Hungus


    Xavi6 wrote: »
    What an absolute hero and a great choice of calling card! :D

    Yeah, what a hero, there's really only him and firemen who pull people out of burning buildings. Incredible display of heroics. :pac:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Zorro, you've met your day.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,526 ✭✭✭brendansmith


    Lets make him our new god?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 29,130 ✭✭✭✭Karl Hungus


    Lets make him our new god?

    No! There's enough religious nuts claiming they see the face of god in their toast and other such lunacy... How many faithful morons will claim to see the ass of god?


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,919 ✭✭✭✭Xavi6


    Yeah, what a hero, there's really only him and firemen who pull people out of burning buildings. Incredible display of heroics. :pac:

    Wellif it's toss up between someone who sprays a bit of water and someone who leaves an imprint of their bollox on a shop window then I know whose t-shirt I'll be buying! :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,526 ✭✭✭brendansmith


    No! There's enough religious nuts claiming they see the face of god in their toast and other such lunacy... How many faithful morons will claim to see the ass of god?
    I see god, every morning, when i look in..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................the mirror. BOOM BOOM!


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 6,956 ✭✭✭CHD


    you broke the thread


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    I see god, every morning, when i look in the mirror. BOOM BOOM!

    you see ass when you look in the mirror?

    Id have that looked at to be honest. might be herpes.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,526 ✭✭✭brendansmith


    Overheal wrote: »
    you see ass when you look in the mirror?

    Id have that looked at to be honest. might be herpes.
    Hmmm, not quite sure what to say to that. Its just too dumb!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 29,130 ✭✭✭✭Karl Hungus


    Overheal wrote: »
    you see ass when you look in the mirror?

    Id have that looked at to be honest. might be herpes.

    Maybe Brendan Smith is none other than Arseface? :eek:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Hmmm, not quite sure what to say to that. Its just too dumb!

    You'd think that, until you realise we're in a world run amok by butt bandits. what will they think of next?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,526 ✭✭✭brendansmith


    Maybe Brendan Smith is none other than Arseface? :eek:
    God thats horrible!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    God thats horrible!!
    Self esteem issues: theres a Personal Issues forum in the Soc category.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,526 ✭✭✭brendansmith


    Overheal wrote: »
    You'd think that, until you realise we're in a world run amok by butt bandits. what will they think of next?
    Again, Hmmm, not quite sure what to say to that. Its just too dumb!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Again, Hmmm, not quite sure what to say to that. Its just too dumb!
    The correct response might have been "[they'll think up] Yore Ma"

    go ahead. try it out.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,526 ✭✭✭brendansmith


    Overheal wrote: »
    The correct response might have been "[they'll think up] Yore Ma"

    go ahead. try it out.
    Yore Ma, hey that does feel good. Thanks for that man!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 29,130 ✭✭✭✭Karl Hungus


    Maybe that's why police can't catch the "Butt bandit"? It's not someone pressing their asshole against windows, it's Brendansmith pressing his face against them! I've just cracked the case! :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    and what they thought was a blurred camera image was really.... oh god. it all makes sense now.

    welcome to boards :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,526 ✭✭✭brendansmith


    Hazing the new guy, ay lads! B@stards!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 29,130 ✭✭✭✭Karl Hungus


    Hazing the new guy, ay lads! B@stards!

    Yeah, but I'm confused as to where to smack you with the paddle Arseface. :confused:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Just get 2 paddlers. That'll learn him.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,193 ✭✭✭Turd Ferguson


    Overheal wrote: »
    Just get 2 toddlers. That'll learn him.

    FYP


    EDIT: That kinda made sense for about a second... :(


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Arseface's trusty sidekick, Turd Ferguson?


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,193 ✭✭✭Turd Ferguson


    Overheal wrote: »
    Arseface's trusty sidekick, Turd Ferguson?


    I'll side kick your face :pac:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,119 ✭✭✭Wagon


    I love this bit:
    "It's not funny," McBride said. "We're worried about the next step."

    I salute this man (the arse-attacker, not the police chief) What a legend :)


  • Posts: 5,869 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    The cheek of him.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,193 ✭✭✭Turd Ferguson


    Nebraska? Sure thats the arse end of nowhere


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