26 and alone

LegacyUser

Hi, i was wondering how weird i am. im 26 male and never had a girlfiend.
Im shy and and and tend to get a bit depressed ,so not much of a suprise there
i guess. I was just wondering if there are many other such loosers out there or am i alone.

AARRRGH

There are all kinds of people in this world. I bet you there are hundreds of millions of people like you.

If you feel you have problems, have you considered therapy? I know a few people who use/used to use a therapist and they say it really helped them.

Miss Fluff

1ape-like wrote: »

I was just wondering if there are many other such loosers out there or am i alone.

Now come on honeybun, you're not really doing yourself any favours at all by referring to yourself as a loser. Oftentimes in life you get what you give and if you are projecting this deep-rooted unhappiness with your lot people will sense that.

Time for "Project Fabulous"!:)

Have you some good friends? Have you perhaps a female friend you can trust? Ask their advice on your image, maybe there is something you can do to make you feel more confident about yourself, i.e. maybe changing your hair or start going to the gym or what have you. It IS important to have a good circle of friends so socialise with them and expand your social circle if you can. Have you thought as well about online dating? Maybe you should think about giving that a go?

You also mention depression? How big a problem is this for you? Does it impinge on your day to day life? If it is a big issue for you then maybe it's time to go and talk to your GP about it too.

Like I say OP, things will improve and if you want to meet someone nice then you will, but you've to be a happy bunny with yourself first.:)

Madame Razz

1ape-like wrote: »

Hi, i was wondering how weird i am. im 26 male and never had a girlfiend.
Im shy and and and tend to get a bit depressed ,so not much of a suprise there
i guess. I was just wondering if there are many other such loosers out there or am i alone.

Hi OP,

You are not a loser, You are not weird, you are just living life like everybody else.

Some people move from relationship to relationship, some people just meet that special someone eventually and that is that.

I have had many relationships, but I've been single(essentially) for over two years now, so I too am 26 and alone.

Only bothers me very occasionally, everybody likes companionship now and agin, but i can safely say that Id rather be on my own than with somebody and miserable.

Lots of my friends are now engaged/married/in longterm relationships, im one of the few singletons left, but thats life and I wouldn't change it!!

I can go where I want with whom ever I want, do what I choose and am not answerable to anybody. I have no responsibility to anything other than myself.

Enjoy this time OP. The time will come when you are in a relationship and your life becomes so much more complicated than this simple single one. So relax and enjoy it while you can. You are not a loser. I have several married friends who are envious of the life I lead. they are so tied down and I am so free! You will met somebody; every old sock finds an old shoe at the end of the day, but try not to worry about it. In the interim enjoy life...what for you won't pass you after all;)

LegacyUser

I know where you're coming from man! But listen, being shy and having feelings of depression obviously isnt going to help you advance, women arent gonna come to you, its you who has to get out there and find them. Its only by doing that that you will have a chance of meeting up with someone, or just getting involved with groups of people to help you get over your shyness.

I was in my early 20's before I had any real contact with a member of the opposite sex, I had to break myself out of the mold, take a risk and do things that I wasnt used too. Ok, things went a little sour but I'm the better of it I guess, it opened my eyes a little and thought me a few lessons that I would never have learned otherwise.

Join a group or an evening class in something that you enjoy doing! I'm gonna do the same, it'll get you out and interacting with other people in an environment, or activity that you enjoy and with others whom have similar interests. You never know who you might meet!

By the way, there are no laws saying that by a certain age you should have done this or that, you do things when YOU are ready, dont go by other peoples standards, be happy, be yourself!

Dudess

Miss Fluff put it perfectly. And no, you're not weird, you're just lacking in self esteem. That's why you've never had a girlfriend - more to the point, you've never felt like you deserved one. First starters, you DO deserve one. Start beating that line into yourself until you 100% believe it.

It's also not as unusual as you think. Even some people who are confident have never been in serious relationships by the time they're 26 - simply because they haven't met anyone with whom they'd like to be in a relationship.

Drift

Hey OP, I'm 26 and I've never had a girlfriend either. When I was in my late teens/early twenties I was quite shy and didn't put much of myself out there because I was overly worried about what people would think of me. This used to cause me to obsess about the fact that most of my mates seemed able to get girls pretty easy and why I couldn't.

In the past 2 years though I came to realise that what I counted as "being shy" was more of a worry about people judging me and when I looked around I saw that all my mates did and said things that people might judge but they did them anyway and fcuk the consequences. I started to do the same. I let rip with the patented "Drift sense of humour" which is a terrible thing to behold let me tell you and it turns out quite a few people like it - what a shocker! I also started pushing myself into conversations when socialising with people who I wouldn't know that well instead of just keeping my chat to the one or two mates I knew well like before. The best way to describe it is putting yourself out there, the real you, not what you think other people would like.

I feel much more comfortable with myself now and although I'm still single interest from girls has picked up significantly because girls (and men) like to be around people who are happy - it adds to their sense of happiness. So now I've got a few potentials around and who knows what might happen. Actually looking back over the years there was always a few potentials around but I was so wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself that I didn't spot them!

That's not to say that I don't sometimes find myself thinking it'd be nice to have a girlfriend, the grass will always be greener on the other side but I'm not obsessing anymore. I'm just happy out enjoying playing football and soccer, socialising with my mates, going on trips etc. and somewhere along the way I'm bound to hit it off with a girl. (Either one of the "potentials" or some bolt from the blue randomer.)

The key is to relax in your own skin and make your single life happy and enjoyable. The rest will sort itself out. Like manuka said - except without any stinky old socks or sweaty shoes

AARRRGH

Another thing OP, there are a huge amount of people out there who have a partner, but are unhappy with who they've picked or with how things are going, so being with someone isn't the be all and end all.

Work on yourself until YOU like yourself, and you'll find women will flock to you.

homerun_homer

Try not to worry about it- this is no consolation and I was in the same boat for the longest time also. I found it depressing that I wasn't in a relationship. I didn't have my first proper girlfriend until last year (I was 25) and we only recently broke up. Just enjoy your friendships and go out and enjoy yourself and let it happen. I have to take some of that advice myself now.
I have friends who I have sorta lost touch with who are in a similar boat as you still. One particular friend like me is turning 27 next week and he has only ever kissed a girl once. and there is nothing wrong with him, he's just a shy guy who doesn't tend to go out much.

J.S. Pill

1ape-like wrote: »

Hi, i was wondering how weird i am. im 26 male and never had a girlfiend.
Im shy and and and tend to get a bit depressed ,so not much of a suprise there
i guess. I was just wondering if there are many other such loosers out there or am i alone.

Not alone by any means. I've been friends with my housemate for over 14 years, he's 26 and has never had a girlfriend. Apparently he's exceptionally good looking, has a good job etc.; he's a bit on the boring side but some people like that. His problem is that he never makes any kind of effort when it comes to women. He's scored some very beautiful women over the years but every time they've scored him. He acts like he's not bothered but I think he's just extremely risk adverse.

I've spent more time over the last year trying to get him a girlfriend that I have looking after myself. So in conclusion, don't do what he does. Stick you neck out, takes risks and don't dwell too much on the past