I Feel very lonely and behind on others

LegacyUser

going unreg for this, long story and im just at the end of my tether, i hope this makes sence,

In the last year there has been alot happen in my life but most of all is im getting very lonely, im losing friends for no reason,all my great friends have serious girlfriends and im still single and feel everything and life is just moving on without me, what do i do? the more time goes on i feel like im useless and will be always alone?

Solarball10

Sorry to hear you're feeling like this, OP. But there are a few tips you could try to make new friends:

-Join a club/evening class
-Go to a Boards beers! Keep an eye out on After Hours or BGRH to see details of nights being organised.
-Are you working or in college? If working, maybe try organising a few drinks on a Friday evening straight after work, I'm sure plenty of people would find it hard to turn down If you're in college, maybe join a society that you would find interesting.
-And as for your existing friends, maybe say to them in a jokey way, "God, man, I never see you anymore, she's got you whipped! When we going on a piss-up?" Don't start whining, it won't be appreciated!
-If you want to find a girlfriend - well, nothing usually happens if you specifically go out looking for it, so...I would advise to just get out there, have a bit of fun, and if that develops into something more, well, great! As for meeting girls, there are plenty of places, from work to college to bars. Be friendly. Listen to them. Ask them questions about themselves. Just be nice (it's bull about girls liking "bad" boys.)

Hope this helps Chin up!

cute_cow

Lonelyunreg wrote: »

going unreg for this, long story and im just at the end of my tether, i hope this makes sence,

In the last year there has been alot happen in my life but most of all is im getting very lonely, im losing friends for no reason,all my great friends have serious girlfriends and im still single and feel everything and life is just moving on without me, what do i do? the more time goes on i feel like im useless and will be always alone?

I know exactly how you feel, sometimes I feel so lonely it hurts so much. I've been living in Dublin for 4 years and have no friends here. Most of my friends are back home and when I moved away, we lost contact.

I do have a boyfriend so that is something, at least someone to talk to but when I need some me time, and stuff it is just me. I have no one to talk to about my everyday life etc.

I too feel like life is moving too fast for me to keep up with it. But I do agree with ozzy. I am starting an evening course in a few weeks and hope that this can help. Even just to meet new people and have a chat 1 or 2 nights a week can help.

Keep the head up and best of luck.

Solarball10

cute_cow wrote: »

I know exactly how you feel, sometimes I feel so lonely it hurts so much. I've been living in Dublin for 4 years and have no friends here. Most of my friends are back home and when I moved away, we lost contact.

I do have a boyfriend so that is something, at least someone to talk to but when I need some me time, and stuff it is just me. I have no one to talk to about my everyday life etc.

I too feel like life is moving too fast for me to keep up with it. But I do agree with ozzy. I am starting an evening course in a few weeks and hope that this can help. Even just to meet new people and have a chat 1 or 2 nights a week can help.

Hey, I know how you feel! I've also been living in Dublin for just over a year, moved up with my b/f, don't have friends really, apart from one girl I used to work with, don't see her much though.

I'm happy enough though, but to know a few more people would be nice

Faith

Lonelyunreg wrote: »

going unreg for this, long story and im just at the end of my tether, i hope this makes sence,

In the last year there has been alot happen in my life but most of all is im getting very lonely, im losing friends for no reason,all my great friends have serious girlfriends and im still single and feel everything and life is just moving on without me, what do i do? the more time goes on i feel like im useless and will be always alone?

I've felt like that before, and it's absolutely horrible. All my friends were in serious relationships, while I was permanently single with no prospects. What you need to remember is that everyone does things in their own time. You need to look at what you've done that your friends haven't yet. For me, it was moving out of home and going to university in a different country. 90% of my friends were (and are) still living at home with their parents, just like in secondary school. Meanwhile, I was off living the life in my own flat with no rules except my own. That didn't seem like much to me, but I'm sure plenty of my friends felt like they were getting left behind because they hadn't moved out yet.

To be honest, there's always going to be periods where you feel like that. First kisses, losing virginities, serious relationships, getting good jobs, getting married, having babies... Just remember it's not a race to get to each of these milestones.

As for being single, trust me, you won't be alone forever. I was single for years, despairing every time a friend even got chatted up, but a couple of months ago, out of the blue, I met a fantastic guy and fell in love. I could never have seen it coming. You just need to be patient.

von Neumann

Lonelyunreg wrote: »

going unreg for this, long story and im just at the end of my tether, i hope this makes sence,

In the last year there has been alot happen in my life but most of all is im getting very lonely, im losing friends for no reason,all my great friends have serious girlfriends and im still single and feel everything and life is just moving on without me, what do i do? the more time goes on i feel like im useless and will be always alone?

Hay I felt this too........I'm in my late 20's and everybody I know is planning their weddings, buying houses, so drunken escapades have been replaced by discussion about IKEA. zzzzzzzz!

There are however loads of upsides to our situation, we have all the freedom we can handle and more!
So take it as a challege to build an interesting life. skydive, climb mount everest, go to the north pole, surf, go back to college, make new friends etc.
This is a different path but 2.2 childern are not for ever one.
I find it nice to know that I can be happy doing my own thing and that if someone special comes along,
that I can be honest and say I am not with this person because I want a house or I am scared of not having some one etc,
Ok now I'm rambling. So chin up and take ever day one day at a time and try and enjoy it.

P.S. If you have an adventure in mind, let me know :-)

fasty

Chin up mate, this happens to a lot of people. It happened to me and I was horribly depressed about it but if you decide to do something about it and make the effort it'll work out for you.

I know that's easy to say, but getting out of your comfort zone a bit and taking charge of your social life will make you feel a million times better!

AngryBadger

OP everybody feels like this at one stage or another, although I find it's especially common in peoples 20s, just started working, just out of college, lots of changes, friends getting involved, everyone has less time to meet up and do stuff.

I would strongly recommend joining some kind of club or society, any kind of activity that gets you out of the house and into social groupings. The biggest problem with this kind of loneliness is that when we're left alone, with just our thoughts for extended periods we tend to blow them way out of proportion. That's not to say you don't have a genuine reason to feel down, but that when we're out and about we tend to dwell on things less and be more pro-active in addressing little life problems.

If at all possible I'd highly recommend going to a beers event as ozzyoh suggested, you'll meet some really sound people, it's always just a bit of craic, and there are usually 2 or 3 smaller groups meeting for a few jars most months, it's a great way to get out of the house and have some fun, and you'll meet people involved in lots of different stuff which may open doors for you socially, and activity-wise!!!

Best of luck OP!

Aurora Borealis

You really can't judge yourself by anyone else's yardstick OP. Loads of my friends are married, have kids, houses etc. Yeah sometimes if you're feeling a bit lonely it can feel for a moment like you're being left behind but then other times when you're off traveling or meeting cool new people or dancing around your sitting room by yourself you think I love where I'm at now. Well that's how it is for me. The most important thing is it's your life and just make sure you're out there living it and things will start happening for you.

metaoblivia

OP, I completely understand how you feel. As other posters have said, almost everyone - if not everyone - goes through these phases and moments. I'm in therapy right now for a number of traumatic things that I've been through in years past, and I can't help but feel that I'm behind everyone else, not only when it comes to romantic relationships, but just life in general. One of the things my therapist and I are working on is getting me to see that life is not a race, and we can't live life by comparing what we have to what others have, or thinking that at this age we need to have certain things checked off on our life list (like marriage, good job, a house, etc). If you keep waiting for something to happen that will make you happy, you will be waiting a very long time.
One thing that's helped me a little in the past few weeks is becoming proactive. I love to sing, so I joined a choir. I love writing and working one on one with students, so I took on some students for tutoring during the school year. I'm not a religious nut, but I am spiritual, so I found a church that welcomes people with my beliefs. I'm still lonely and I still feel like I lag behind other people my age, but being proactive has helped to ease that a bit. I think that if I keep on being proactive, things will move in the right direction and over time, I won't feel so lonely or so behind.
It's a process. It doesn't happen over night, and no one can give you "the secret" because there is no secret. You just have to work on slowly changing your outlook toward life.
Finally, one book that I've always turned to when I'm feeling sad and behind is a Dr. Seuss book called, "Oh the Places You'll Go!" It's an inspiring book, and it also has some very wise words about getting stuck in a rut.

Dardania

metaoblivia wrote: »

OP, I completely understand how you feel. As other posters have said, almost everyone - if not everyone - goes through these phases and moments. I'm in therapy right now for a number of traumatic things that I've been through in years past, and I can't help but feel that I'm behind everyone else, not only when it comes to romantic relationships, but just life in general. One of the things my therapist and I are working on is getting me to see that life is not a race, and we can't live life by comparing what we have to what others have, or thinking that at this age we need to have certain things checked off on our life list (like marriage, good job, a house, etc). If you keep waiting for something to happen that will make you happy, you will be waiting a very long time.
One thing that's helped me a little in the past few weeks is becoming proactive. I love to sing, so I joined a choir. I love writing and working one on one with students, so I took on some students for tutoring during the school year. I'm not a religious nut, but I am spiritual, so I found a church that welcomes people with my beliefs. I'm still lonely and I still feel like I lag behind other people my age, but being proactive has helped to ease that a bit. I think that if I keep on being proactive, things will move in the right direction and over time, I won't feel so lonely or so behind.
It's a process. It doesn't happen over night, and no one can give you "the secret" because there is no secret. You just have to work on slowly changing your outlook toward life.
Finally, one book that I've always turned to when I'm feeling sad and behind is a Dr. Seuss book called, "Oh the Places You'll Go!" It's an inspiring book, and it also has some very wise words about getting stuck in a rut.

My folks got me that Dr. Seuss book a few years ago when I was leaving for Erasmus...reflecting on my experiences abroad - that book was prophetic...Good call

MJOR

I think that you've the old quarter life crisis. It happens us all... You're not behind at all. Some people do things at different stages. Try joining a club or class or a bit of internet dating (you can pick up friends on these sites). Go ahead and make tomorrow more positive! You can do it!!

sunnyside

metaoblivia wrote: »

It's a process. It doesn't happen over night,

That's exactly why it's so difficult to change anything. We are so used to instant gratification all the time that it's difficult to commit to and stick with the steps needed to change.

LegacyUser

Hi, I was just wandering around boards.ie looking for an evening class or choir or something when i saw your post. I recently broke up with my significant other of three years and suddenly find myself living alone and with no quality of life. Don't think i'm drowning in broken heartedness because i'm really not. The breakup was mutual and the best thing for us. I have other single friends for whom i'm very grateful as i try to sort myself out. I'm a really sociable person and love going out and having fun but i can't help feeling something is missing. (and its not the ex!) I've always felt like this. I'll be in a public place, a pub, a shop whatever and suddenly i'll just feel like i don't belong. The best way to describe it is like there's a huge secret that everyone else in the place knows but they just won't tell you! I do honestly believe that the more time i spend alone the worse this feeling gets so i've just resolved that i'm gonna have to sort it out myself because sitting on my ass hasn't worked. I'm trying to find a hobby that is fun and that i'll meet people from all walks of live. I'm on the choir route at the mo but that all seem so professional, i'm a joe soap singer! I also think that living in a city can make you feel extra lonely. There's people all around but you couldn't feel more isolated if you tried...maybe thats just the culchie in me! I hope you manage to rattle on and start to feel a bit better about life. Things can only get better!

LegacyUser

Thank you so much for all the great replies guys, im in the exact situation as many of you explained you have had been in before, its terrible, anytime i look back to maybe even four or five years ago my life was so great,alot better than what life i have now anyway, although im going back to college soon and hope to do well at it.

i havent had a girlfriend in two years and i would really love to go out with a nice girl again,its hard for me to chat up women,any girl i was ever with usually were friends of a friend so we got to know eachother before anything happened over time,but now that my mates are never around or with their girlfriends im not getting to meet anyone,im a bit shy too and have real self confidence problems,so thats to blame too i suppose, hopefully il meet someone in college?

rainbow kirby

I understand completely where you're coming from OP, quite a few people I know are starting to settle down, with relationships, plans to move abroad etc while I'm still in college and single in my early-mid 20s. Loneliness can get frustrating sometimes - it's been years since I've been in a relationship, and though I know I'm strong enough to survive alone, just having someone would be nice. Doesn't help that I'm shy as hell too!

You certainly aren't the only one who feels like this - and hopefully it will get better for you.

LegacyUser

Hi

I to am pretty lonely at the minute, sitting in the house alone on a saturday night and every other night too doesn't help. I give up drinking a few years ago and have hardly left the house after 9 o clock in the evening in a long long time. Its the late evenings and night time when most people socialise and meet people, especially at weekends. I have drifted apart from my friends too as they are all big drinkers, so thats kinda depressing in itself.
Its difficult to know what to do to improve my social life when I can't really take part in the night life most people enjoy. This I would say to people who have to give up drinking is the most difficult challange you may have to face. At 30 years of age I feel I really should be out enjoying life. Day time is grand, I don't mind work and I play sport at weekends.

I just wonder how on earth I am every going to meet a woman when I never leave the house at night????

LegacyUser

College will make a huge difference. It opens lots of new network if you just take the chance and talk to people. I went back myself last year for a year after working for 3 years. It was bloody hard but i made some good friends and its great becuase you instantly have something in common with a whole bunch of people but you have to pick up the courage to just walk up to people and say hi. As for sitting at home on a saturday night, hell i know how that feels. Everyone you know is either getting plastered or sitting in watching a dvd with the OH. I've tended to join the getting plastered bunch but you never meet anyone. Its a disaster. You end up with a hangover and feeling miserable. Whats the alternative?

zAbbo

Joining a club, or doing something outside your comfort zone is probably the best advice given.