Am I doing the right thing?

LegacyUser

going unreg for this one......I've been with my other half for a few years but lately I was having second thoughts about spending the rest of my life so with him. So, long story short I asked for a break and we split up for 2 months and cancelled the wedding. We're now back together although the wedding is still off. He's totally changed since we got back together though he goes out with his friends all the time, goes away for weekends and on lads holidays. He's always late paying his share of the bills because of his partying and staying out all night. I know he slept with a few girls when we are apart so it drives me crazy when he doesn't come home ( he says he stays with his friends) and I'm really starting to wonder if it's worth the effort anymore. We both seem to have gotten different things out of the split, I realised that I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him but he's reclaimed his single life and doesn't want to give it up. Am I wasting my time hoping he'll settle down?

Toots

I can't tell you whether or not you're wasting your time. I suppose you need to see it from his POV, you probably broke his heart when you left, and maybe he's afraid of committing too much into the relationship again, in case it happens again. Or it could be a simple case of him getting his own back on you for hurting him? I reckon maybe leave it for another few weeks, then maybe you should sit him down and ask him how he feels things are going. How long is it since you split up, and how long have you been back together? Bear in mind that even though you're back together he may still be really hurting over the breakup.

brianthebard

Agree, he probably felt he was more emotionally invested than you were after ye broke up, and is trying to protect himself/wondering how long before you want another break. If you've really made up your mind that you want to marry him then you need to talk to him and make it abundantly clear that you aren't going to leave him again. And even then his behaviour may not change immediately.

LegacyUser

sorry to dig up an old thread but I didn't get a chance to post beacuse shortly after I started this thread I found out that my OH was cheating on me and had been ever since we got back together with a girl he had met during the split. I'm absolutley heartbroken and going through a serious range of emotions!! Some days I'm really angry with myself for initiating the split and cancelling the wedding(this is the popular view of my family - they tell me I have only myself to blame) and other days I'm just glad I found out what he's like before I married him.
I knew I'd never trust him again after I found out about the cheating so we've moved out of our shared home and have put it up for sale. He's ringing me every day saying he's sorry and I know this sounds funny but I'm more upset that he's not seeing this girl anymore either, I'm gutted that he threw everything away for a meaningless fling I'd probably have understood it if he was in love with her silly and all as that sounds!!
I just wonder if I'm going through some kind of breakdown though because I have so many conflicting and strange things going through my head!!